Messed Up Days

Not Messed Up As In Bad

I don't mean that when my days are messed up that they are horrible for me. My days are just mixed up with different feelings and emotions. I've seen and saw a lot of things. Good things. Bad things. Let me explain my take on Jersey City and Manhattan and the people I've come to know.

My Trip So Far

So my trip so far has consisted (in terms of places) of Michigan (where I spent my time mostly by Alec's lake side house in West Bloomfield and partly in his apartment in Ann Arbor), New Jersey (Jersey City), and New York (in the Manhattan area). I just got to Jersey City last night (a 10 hour drive from West Bloomfield) and we (Raymond, Lina, Alec and his mom) went out for Chinese food.

Jersey City and Manhattan are really places filled with spirit and soul. Arriving at the apartment we would be staying at was quite a trip. I saw children playing at the park and in the streets late at night. I've never seen that in Vancouver. It was awesome. After getting settled in, we went for the Chinese food. There, we ordered a few dishes, but there was something more to the late night dinner. About halfway through our meal, a man walked into the restaurant. He asked all of us if we had a quarter so he could take the bus somewhere.

Surprisingly, Alec's mom stuffed her hand into her little waist purse and brought out some change. She handed a coin to the man. However, before she would allow him to take the coin, she said to the man, "Order something." I was totally shocked and surprised at Mirjana's (Alec's mom) kind actions. The man at first refused and continued to do so until he gave in. I did not know why he would refuse the meal. He looked like he needed one.

We went back to the apartment and after I got dressed and ready, I fell asleep. I had a good night's sleep. I remember lots of my dreams.

Today, we went to the Bronx zoo. Only one thing happened that makes me feel empty and useless.

Near the end of our zoo trip, we heard some screaming from some stairs that we approaching. A woman was shouting, "Shut the fu** up!" and was swearing and cussing. Everybody within hearing distance was staring. However, the crowd had separated leading a clear path to the scene. Mirjana started leading us to the stairs.

The scene was disgusting.

A grown up black mother was shouting at her young infant, who was sitting on the stairs desperately trying to put on a pair of shoes. The child was tear stained and was crying. She was completely bawling and the mother was yelling and swearing at her. When I saw Mirjana start rushing towards the child and the mom, I thought she was going to try and stop the whole thing. However, she just walked by and rushed past them, leading us past. I guess that was the best thing to do.

I should have done something though.

But what could I have done? What would I have done? Yelled, "Stop."? What would I have done if I angered the mom. I would have tried to defend myself, and doing so would have been offensive. She would have charged me for assault.

I still would have done it. But I wouldn't. Not with my age and in front of my friends and family.

One day, if I ever see something like that again, I will personally see to it that I will screw that person over.

I promise I will.

Bye.

I'm getting sleepy and I have to go to sleep. Tomorrow we will be traveling to Manhattan again. Anyways, Mirjana is a really cool person. Don't think because she didn't do anything to stop the scene that she's a bad person. She's a good person.

Today I'm a 8. I feel bad about not doing anything. But today was a fun day.

"It doesn't matter what you can do, compared to what you will do." - Kevin Zou

Everybody Can't See Me

Everybody Used To Care

You know, a few weeks ago, I was probably one of the best known people in the school. But what led me there? Was I really who I was? Nope. I wasn't who I was. Even if I did maintain my I'm-so-much-better-than-you attitude over the summer, who would care? Nobody. In little more than a few days from now, while all my friends are joying away in Van Tech, I'll be fighting my way through high school, trying to make friends. Next school year, I'll be nothing but a shadow. Sure, I'll be invited to birthday parties and such, but I will never be able to resume my friendships. In grade nine, I'll be even dimmer of a shadow. And so on and so on until I'll be nothing. I once had a chat with a friend. When I told my friend about this subject, she said, "You'll never be forgotten."

I'd like to believe that's true, and maybe it is. Maybe I will remain somebody who was known. But the likelihood of that isn't in my favor. Everybody used to care.

In Case I Forget

My name is Kevin Zou. I am a 12 year old boy going to Alpha Secondary school. I am decent in HTML and CSS. I almost got expelled in grade five. I love my family and friends and meeting new people. There is one girl who is special in my life. These things are facts, and I must stick with facts in case I ever forget about them.

That is, I probably will forget.

I'm Having A Good Summer

I realize my last post was kind of depressing of me. I've been having mood swings lately, but they've slowed down. That's good to know. Ummm... to sum up my summer, I've been out on the lake loads. It's a really nice here. I've gone canoeing, fishing, swimming and we've done lots of neat stuff here. We smoked some salmon and we also went to Cedar Point on Wednesday. It's awesome here. We're also gearing up for a road trip to New York, Ottawa, Toronto, and then back to Michigan.

Original Photos Guys

These are original photos, so, you know, no copyright infringement on my part. There's loads of cool stuff here to take shots of. Learning a lot about life here.

I'm a good old 8 again. I'm pretty decent in terms of mood. Coming back to Vancouver soon. And to a new world of high school. I'm going to miss everybody.

I Feel Bad.

I Don't Know Why

I just feel terribly horrible. I feel completely horrible. There's this never ending pit of despair just sitting there in my body. I feel bad. I feel. I don't know why. I was just sitting down on a chair, reading blogs (two of them specifically) and all of the sudden I just felt like the worst person in the world. I feel horrible. I don't want to do anything. I just feel like a prick. I am a prick. There. It feels good to just say it. I still feel bad.

That's It

Nothing else to say. It's like I'll never be happy again. I'm so depressed. I don't know why. I was just happy all of the sudden and then I'm screwed over by this sadness.

I'm a utter 0. I feel horrible.

"An overflow of good converts to bad." - William Shakespeare

Michigan

Awesome Place

The place where I'm staying is beautiful. It's a house by a private lake (which has canals into larger lakes not too far away) that is isolated in an amazing little forest. There's a lot of natural vegetation around the area and it's really good fishing there. I'm really having a huge blast. A really chill-and-relax atmosphere is in the air right now (listening to Alec's iTunes playlist doesn't hurt). We're gearing up to watch The Hunger Games.

I took a lot of pictures with Michael's Cannon camera today and I promise to upload them.

I love this place.

A Little Message To Tyler

I think it's a good idea to start after my trip. I kind of just want to chill and relax. It would be a better idea to do so, as I may not always be on the computer. But if you want to start it sooner and when I'm in Michigan, it's okay with me. Might even be better.

Fishing Was Epic

The lake we reside by doesn't really have that much fish because the water became really murky when there was some heavy rain (sorry, just had to stop to laugh at Michael's expression when he saw Raymond trying to sing along to Wanna Be A Baller), so fish are less likely to see the bait.

Anyways, after some attempts at trying to fish this morning, we decided to try our luck at the bigger lake one canal up. So we went up and it was amazing. Wen Jia caught two bluegills in the big lake (and would later catch loads more in the little lake when we went back) and Michael (Wanna Be A Baller ended, but What's Love is on and Raymond's still rapping) caught (Raymond just said, "Vanilla manalla" XD) one huge bluegill in the smaller lake. We caught four bluegills we could keep in total. Raymond had a HUGE catch. He had just finished casting out into the lilies and got it stuck. He called Alec over to help him untangle his line. However, Raymond said that he had a fish on hook but had lost it (although he still claimed that it was still on). Alec went over and originally said that he just hooked onto lilies when he started pulling on the line with his hands. When the pike's head emerged from the lilies, we were all kind of paralyzed. Alec managed to net the pike and we had that, the bluegills (OH GOD, Young, Wild & Free just turned on), pork chops, wings, pizza, and garlic bread (just finished going outside to pick peaches; the only peach was being destroyed by ants, and on the way back inside Raymond said, "Yay, time for the weed song!"). We also had side dishes of strawberries, oranges, peppers, and cucumbers.

Anyways, it was a really fun day today. I learned how to gut a fish. A pretty valuable skill. Anyways, learned a few things today. I learned that fishing is pretty hard (you try it) and that cleaning a fish is not easy.

What's Happened

So Friday I arrived in Michigan around 12:00 (Magic just went on) and got back to Alec's place by around 1:00 (we stopped by McDonalds to pick up something to eat). Anyways, when we got back, we set up the beds, brushed our teeth, showered and slept. The morning we woke up, we had to go for dim sum with my aunt's childhood friend she hadn't seen for well more than 30 years. It was really cool seeing my aunt reunite with a long lost friend.

So day one consisted of going to dim sum and learning how to fish. The second day consisted of fishing for most of the day. Yesterday consisted of visiting distant relatives in Windsor and having lunch at my aunt's cousin's house.  We went for a sort of dinner at a Schezwan style restaurant. Then we went home and started watching Gattaca (although I fell asleep pretty soon). Today was mainly just fishing. Wen Jia stayed out on the water for like the whole day and caught a lot of fish (although most had to be thrown back). We had a barbecue and that's where I am. Ready to watch The Hunger Games.

Well, Goodbye

I'm glad I finally got out to the outside world. I hope I'll post soon again for more updates on my adventures in Michigan.

I'm a 10. Finally feel good enough to be a 10. I'm having a really fun time here. Tomorrow we're heading over to Ann Arbor to just travel around places.

"I love you." - Anybody

Last Post (I Think) For A While

Tomorrow I'm Leaving

Yeah, tomorrow I'm leaving for Michigan. I know that it's going to be a blast though. Uhhh.. I'm quite sure that I won't really be using the computer much (our trip consists of like hopping all over the map), so don't expect any blog posts until like the end of my trip (which is August 20).

So. Here's what's been going on.

Randomly Doing Nothing

Yesterday I had arranged to meet up with some friends, but all of them (except for Tyler) couldn't go. It was kind of awkward though, just Tyler and I. But pretty soon we got into a comfortable pace (at least for me, I can't say anything about him).

Anyways, one of our topics was about making a collaborated blog together. Something in the fashion of Hank and John Green. Except instead of a video blogs, it'll just be like letters. It kind of really works, because I will rarely ever see Tyler again. And it'd be a cool experiment to see really how far a friendship can go on the internet.

I did do quite a bit of walking yesterday. I left my house in Burnaby and walked over to my Vancouver house with Raymond. Right when I got to my Vancouver house (2:44 PM), I started walking to the school (the meeting spot). Then I walked around with Tyler for about another hour and a half or so. So that means (and I'm roughly rounding) that I walked about three hours.

As for the collaborated blog, it will probably come right after my trip.

Okay, Farewell For A While

I will see you guys soon. I hope. I dunno. Maybe I will have access to internet in Michigan.

Today? Today I'm a 9. Still doesn't feel right to be a 10. But I am going to Playland with my cousin and his girlfriend, so, yeah. I don't want to act mature and be like, "Playland is for kids only.", because (although I've ridden like every ride) Playland is a great place.

"To make a place great, you must take in very little account of what you are doing. Instead, focus on who you are with." - Kevin Zou

Life Was A Walk In The Park

Well, At Least For Yesterday

Yesterday, my life consisted of me wandering around the school park, Rupert park and overall the Begbie area. It was my second walk and I considered this walk just as equally refreshing as my first. I did encounter two people that I never thought I would ever talk to again.

The first person I encountered was Belinda's mom. I knew where she lived (because many a time Angelo and I saw her walking into her house as we walked back) and it just so happened that as I walked past her house, her mom was coming home. So her mom says something along the lines of, "What are you doing here?" and I say, "Taking a walk around the neighbourhood." (this is in Cantonese by the way). She doesn't hear me the first time, exits her car and then repeats her question. We then engaged in a brief conversation about how I got the scholarship thing (it was kind of embarrassing). Then she ends our little chat by saying that I should come over one day, although I doubt that I will ever do so.

My second meeting was with a family who was walking down to the school playground. I had seen the two little children (one boy and one younger sister) and their mom at the school a lot and I knew the mom was a good parent. So I shut my mind up about how I'll look like a stalker if I said hi and just said, "Hello." The mom smiles and says, "Hello." back and I walk away feeling pretty good about myself.

Yeah, I Didn't Mention The Design

So the design of my blog supports being strong and being a fighter (I'm having thoughts about having The Fighter by Gym Class Heroes automatically played whenever a visitor visits). There's also a new favicon (that little image beside the title of my blog in the tab) of a fist and I also used the same fist in the background.

Overall, I think it looks pretty decent for five minutes of work (well, might have been 10). I'm pretty proud of it myself though. I hope you guys will enjoy it.

Addiction

I can say that most people have somebody important in their life who is addicted to something. There are various addictions. Such as addiction to chocolate to addiction to smoking.

My dad is a smoker. I don't know how much he smokes per day, but all that I know is that he smokes. When I was younger, I tried to get him off of it. Now whenever I try, he just replies with a sigh and, "It's not that easy." I don't get it. I wish I would. I know that he really wants to stop smoking and he's trying really hard to fulfil that goal. I had a thought that I've now uncovered. Not too long ago, I thought, "One day, I'm going to smoke one cigarette and film a whole documentary about it. I'll document my feelings, my cravings and how difficult it really is to get off smoking."

So. That adds something to my life long goals list. My first lifelong goal was to find out what happens when I die (it will be my last goal). My second lifelong goal is to smoke a cigarette and make a documentary out of it.

Oh joy.

Final Thoughts Of This Post

I neglected to mention something in the first subject that I was talking about. During my walk, I headed to school. I stayed at school for a bit and then I got ready to leave. But as I started to leave, I stop abruptly and looked behind my back. I seriously thought that a random friend of mine was going to pop up from the front stairs.

It's funny, because I stayed there twice as long as I intended to. I just kept on looking behind my back, contemplating if somebody would really appear. Funny how life works. You just keep thinking that whenever you finally go, somebody will appear and you'll miss them.

Today I am a 8. I've stopped doing the happy wagon thing, because it just gets tiring. There is absolutely no good reason in my life to be a 10. It wouldn't feel right to say that I'm as happy as a 10. Well. Goodbye.

"A man growing old becomes a child again." - Sophocles

Some Things You Can't Tell To A Diary

I Tried, Believe Me

Yesterday, I tried writing in my diary. I tried to write about all my emotions, feelings, adventures, and plans in one little entry. I failed miserably. Somehow I just couldn't bring it to myself to write down everything without sharing it first. And even after this blog, I will probably never write about these things in my diary.

Some things are too private to tell to a diary. Some are too public. Some are too happy and some can be the complete opposite. You never tell your diary your darkest secrets. You just can't bring yourself to admit it.

In truth though, this blog is a diary of mine.

Emotions

What did I feel during the period of one week which my mom took my laptop? I felt sad, anxious, angry, happy, thoughtful, and also cut off. I felt cut off from the outer world. I'm not like many of you guys. I don't live in Vancouver and am able to go to school to hang out everyday. For the last week, I was socially and mentally cut off from what little friends I had.

Adventures

I actually had a lot to do during my computer relief period. I managed to make conclusions to a lot of questions I had for myself (but there's this one question, you see, that I can't answer) and also hung out with some friends. So. I guess you can say I was only socially cut off for six out of seven days of the week.

Essentially what happened was that I went lazer tagging with Brian's family because it was the Duan brother's birthdays (that sounds awkward). After a few intense games of lazer tag, we went back to their place, where the remainder was spent eating chips and playing games. What fun.

Ummm... yesterday I went to my dad's restaurant to help out. It went... well. Here's a list of the most memorable callers to the restaurant.

1. Drunkie
2. Lady in her 30s
3. First guy who I could actually understand
4. Regular (I think) who corrected me nicely
5. Asian dude
6. Regular who asked for my dad
7. First person I successfully answered
8. Raspy voiced woman
9. Quiet voiced regular
10. Lady with children screaming in the background asking for directions

People Make It Seem Easy

When I read people's blogs (a habit of mine), I see how easy their blogs are. They make huge impacts in one sentence. I'm not very good at that. All I do in my blog is talk about my days, and I have to admit that listening to this blog is probably boring.

I'm a 8 today. I don't feel right to be a 10. There's this question pressing on me every single day. And I know it will never be answered unless something happens.

Something.

"Diamonds may last forever, but so does friendship. You can never stop a started friendship." - Kevin Zou