Horribleness

That Feeling

Have you ever had that feeling where somebody is just sitting on your chest, and he's merciless and it seems like he will never get off? I'm pretty sure a lot of people have felt that, and trust me when I say this, you're not alone. I have this feeling very often just every few days.

There's a line in a song called Lose Yourself by Eminem that goes, "He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready to drop bombs." When I get that feeling, my whole self esteem falls apart and suddenly I can't face people in the hallways or talk to anybody. Lately some events that have happened have caused this feeling to grow and linger. It's been here for about three days.

Whenever I feel this way, something bad usually happens soon after. But all that is bad is not all negative. The pain usually goes away, because I guess what this pain is a pain for knowledge. I want to know something. I want to know the honest and truthful answer. Sometimes I'm confused myself about the question.

Later

I don't feel much like blogging anymore, but I felt that I should at least tell you guys if I'm going to possibly take a break from blogging for a while. Maybe until I feel better. Life really isn't that bad compared to others, but it's also really bad compared to others.

I'm a bad 5 today. I seriously am having a bad time. It'll be a rough few days.

"The art of life is to know how to enjoy a little and to endure very much." - William Hazlitt

Turtle Beaches In And More

Lina!

So my cousin, Lina, recently came home to Vancouver (just yesterday actually), so it's glad to have another member of the group back in Vancouver (still waiting for Alec to come back). Anyways, of course with Lina came my set of Turtle Beaches (although I would have been equally likely to see her come even without the headsets), and I'm enjoying them VERY VERY much. Anyways, just a thank you to my parents that they've heard before, but will probably not see ever on this blog.

Back on topic, Lina is back and school seems to be picking up pace in terms of the amount of homework I'm getting, so posts will probably have even longer intervals between them.

James And Lily

One day when I was walking home from school, I saw this guy walking with this girl. I'm guessing this guy was a senior or a freshman at a university or college, and he was like one of those "gangster" type of people who you tend to avoid on the street. This man however was wearing a purple sweatshirt with the hood on over a hat, and seemed pretty cool. But the outfit didn't make him seem cool.

It was the fact that he was walking and talking. The resemblance to James and Lily in the movie 8 Mile was so close that I was very shocked. You've got this rapper looking guy and this little girl, and he's off telling her about a story about trust (I managed to hear a few words as they passed).

Imagine if life was like that.

Two Kids

Along with Lina came my "nephew" and "niece" (they're just the son and daughter of my cousins, but in Chinese tradition, I'm an uncle to them), and I'm glad to say I'm having a great time with the two year old boy and the four and (as she says) three quarters old girl. They're really busy and fun to play with.

Today I'm a 9. My class went to the Vancouver Aquarium, so I'm glad that I got to spend some time with my friends and just take a break from school. Life seems to be going along pretty well, and the part of road that I'm driving on is going smoothly.

"My life needs editing." - Mort Sahl

Dreams

Lately I've Been Having A Lot Of Dreams

To be very vulnerable and honest, I've been having loads of dreams about relationships and life. All those zombie and weird random ones are slowly going away and are being replaced by relationship fears. So recently I've been filling in dreams a lot more often and frequently in my dream journal. I still have yet to completely read the dreams (preferably later in the morning or AFTER I've done a entry since I tend to forget my latest if I read past dreams), but I've skimmed through a bunch. I'm just trying to see some patterns and similarities and connections between life and dreams.

Dreams are a paradise and a living hell for me. When my mind enters dreamland, it's either very pleased with the day or extremely sulky. Maybe it's just in the middle. Either way, I still enjoy being in dreams more than I hate being in dreams.

Trying To Quickly Wrap This Up

I figured to post on both this blog and my co-op blog and put up something on Facebook/Twitter saying that there'd be a double header post tonight, and it's about five minutes until today will wrap up.

Summing things up, life is going just... great. Sure, there are those little creases that you have to iron out, but life is full of creases. It's just one big sheet of fabric with rough patches and smooth patches (sorry for the sowing metaphors, my mind is currently on my home economics class).

I'm a 8 today. I do realize this is quite a short post, but oh well. There's still a lot of forums and money that I need to hand into the office, so that worries me quite a bit. Still, nothing to make me depressed. I finished all my SCHOOL homework for today, but there's still homework that's assigned by my cousin. Oh well. I guess I'll take a bigger crack at that tomorrow.

"Time is what we want most, but what we use worst." - William Penn

Happy Birthday To Me!

Today I Turn 13

I'm finally turning 13 years old, so I don't know if that makes me a teenager or if I'm still a pre-teen (still have to get things sorted out between age groups). I had an absolutely awesome day today (well, actually the best if you think about it) with the flooding of Facebook notifications about this person who wrote "Happy Birthday" on my wall and my friends just being really awesome to me.

I also got to hang out with two epic friends at Dairy Queen for about two hours, so it was really just a great thing for them to do. There's just this overall great and happy mood for birthdays that I really enjoy. Everybody's happy and kind for one day.

Anyways, I'm having a blast of a birthday and I just can't wait to see what will happen with another person's birthday. Still a lot of birthdays coming up for me and all the other people in the world. We have to make sure that we celebrate each one, each time better than the last.

Now What?

Life is coming along really well and I'm glad that I've somehow managed to balance life and friends together. I just know high school is going to be some of the best years in my life. I just know it. I hope that I'll be able to strive towards those years and make sure that my friends also have a heck of a good time.

"It's Fine"

For people that talk with me a lot online, I say the two words, "It's fine." a lot. I mean, I use it excessively to the point where it sounds like it may be even sarcastic. Let me explain.

If a considerate person tripped me by accident, he/she would say, "Oh, I'm so sorry." and rush to help me. I would say, "It's fine." because I know that the person is considerate and means it and I don't want that person to feel bad, because really, it's nothing.

I'm a very hard person to piss off. Only a few things piss me off, and even those things you have to hit a great extent to actually piss me off.

I take that back. I get pissed off a lot. But the thing is, you have to piss me off to a certain point where I just crack and suddenly "It's fine." Kevin isn't there.

I try to be an easy-to-get-along-with guy, and in nature, I am. But sometimes there are just things that can piss me off.

Night!

I'm not actually going to go to sleep. I'm just saying, "Night." since I'm 99.9% sure I won't be posting again today. I leave out that 0.1% (one person can skip this if they want to since that person knows this is from my short novel) since I know that miracles happen and that I'd be wrong to guarantee completely that something will happen.

Today I'm a 10, of course. It's been a really fun day for me and I've enjoyed it thoroughly. Thanks to all those people who said, "Happy Birthday." and to those who did, but just not online. Anyways, I'll see you in the next post!

It's Been A Long Time

It's Only Been Forever

It seems like I was just walking up the rows to get my graduation medal just the other day. Yet it seems like it's as far away as possible, distant in the universe, buried in my past. It's really ridiculous how time goes by. A day can pass in a second and an hour can pass in a nanosecond. I remember all the feelings and emotions and thoughts I had during key events of my life. Before I went to kindergarten. Before I graduated. The first day of high school.

My nature states me as a generally out going and friendly guy. I get along with what I hope to be everybody. It's funny how in elementary school, I really cared about how people thought about me, and it was extremely easy to get them to like me. Now in high school, I could care less about the people who don't like me. I realize you can't be friends with everybody. Only the people who are worth being friends with should be your friends. Overused line huh?

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had done one thing differently. So many parts of my life and hinged on one event that happened. Some of those events I'm happy for. Some of them I regret.

Life's Swell As My Friend Says

When I asked my friend how she was doing, she said, "Swell." So in her words, I say that life is swell for me. I'm doing fine with my work, I've got the weekend coming up, so life is looking up for me. From other blogs, it sounds like life is doing alright too, although when can life be NOT alright compared to other lives?

Let's skip one of my rants about how life is different for everybody and just conclude this topic. Life seriously is going "swell" for me. My personal affairs are perfect and my social relationships are also going great. I said that you can't make everybody like you, and Natty also says in her blog, "You can't like everybody."

Fake

Doesn't it seem like everybody is a fake and so is everything else? I'm sure everybody else has felt this at least once. I've had many occasions where I'm hanging out with people, and then boom, out of nowhere, you're disgusted at how fake you're being and what you're doing just to be "friends" with these people.

Next Post Then

I'll write more about things and thoughts going on inside my mind in the next post, because unfortunately, the average attention span of a human doesn't allow him/her to be able to read any more of my blog. Hey, it's the truth.

Today I'm a 9. I can't wait for the weekend when I can just relax and take a break from school and life overall. Okay, I'm going to go get ready for bed. Night.

"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly." - Robert Kennedy

A Lot Of Stuff To Blog, Let's Get Started

TOWTAKZ

So TOWTAKZ might be running once again and possibly better. Turns out that Tyler just needed kind of a break (from my perspective, I'm not saying that this is true), and I kind of needed one too. Anyways, Tyler and I are looking to start up the co-op blog once again this time with a new fire.

Part of the relaunching plan of TOWTAKZ is to spend a bit of time on a new design, new content, and a new name (I have to admit, TOWTAKZ sounds quite strange, yet kudos to Tyler for mashing up our blog names like that). That's just a thing to look forward to.

Sigh. NaNoWriMo

The stress of keeping up with the "quota" of words per day for NaNoWriMo has caught up to me and I now truly feel the hardships of a deadline. I also realize how hard it is for writers to come up with their ideas for their HUGE books whereas I'm only aiming to write a measly 50,000 words.

I may stop working as hard as I have been and just take it easy. I still have many more years of NaNoWriMo coming up. This was just a first experience and I'll learn from this. It's not like I'm going to completely stop working, I'm just going to finish this short novel, maybe publish it to a few friends and onto a website, and then that's that.

Turtle Beaches :P

I'm finally receiving the chance to pick up Turtle Beaches (specifically the Earfoce PX21 designed for PS3, XBOX, and PC) because a) my birthday is coming up and b) I finally got straight A's on my report card.

WOAH, let's just take a side step and talk about my report card. Yes, I certainly did get straight A's (and no reward is needed, only the satisfaction of knowing that I've done well) and I'm very pleased. For the record, this is the first time I've ever gotten straight A's, so it came as a shock to me. Back to the main topic.

What I'm looking to do with the new set of headsets (in case you were wondering what Turtle Beaches were) is to possibly record some game play with some friends and put up the recordings on YouTube. If we get EXTREMELY lucky, we might be able to earn some profits from the recordings and use them towards more recordings or tuition.

Rugby Game

Tomorrow I'll get to leave early from school (only at only 2:30 P.M. though) to go play in an exhibition rugby game between high schools in North Burnaby and high schools in South Burnaby. I'm super excited because the season was cancelled, and now I have a chance to actually go to a real game. I hope I'll be captain for the team and I'll also stick to my position as left wing.

What's Up With All These "TBH"s?

I hate how people are doing these "TBH"s lately because you can almost feel the fake in the air. It really annoys me. I almost feel like just saying, "EVERYBODY SHUT UP. NOBODY WANTS TO LIKE YOUR STATUS."

Anyways, I have to go to sleep now. I'm in a really good mood with all the good grades and the headsets and such, so for today, I'm definitely a 10. It's just been a really awesome day for me today. I guess I'll write more in the next post.

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment " - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Like The New Design?

Totally Revamped Blog

I just finished spending a fair bit of time browsing Blogger templates and finally found one that suits my blogging needs. I have to say it looks pretty awesome. It would work really well for TheEpicosityGuy's site, but I don't think I can use the same design for two blogs that are so closely linked together (in terms of people, not genre).

Anways, I figured I'd start off this post with another epic picture (this time of Assassin's Creed III) just to make it look mildly interesting.

I'm probably going to spend a fair bit of time working on TheEpicosityGuys and integrating social media along with actually working on the site. The more I think about it, It'd be better to have just a blog for the official site of TheEpicosityGuys. The theme for this blog would completely be awesome for the site, so I might think about looking for another theme for my personal blog and switch this one over to the blog for TheEpicosityGuys that should be coming up relatively soon.

Busy days come ahead for me.

NaNoWriMo, 13,391 Words And Going... Okay?

Lately I've been struggling with coming up with the right ideas for my short novel. I'm at exactly 13,391 words at this point and I'm about 5,000 behind schedule. That kind of worries me. Tomorrow I plan to type a whole load of the novel after school (because most of my ideas are inspired by events at school) and possibly start seriously working on TheEpicosityGuys OR (not very likely though) learn a bit of PHP.

The reason why I think life is confusing is because I have too many goals that I'm working towards. I'm trying to be efficient and complete more than one goal at one time. One example is that I want to learn PHP and also start my own little company to gain a bit of revenue. I figured I can do all of those, but then I have mini goals, such as get Dreamweaver, Photoshop, Fireworks and such and such. Then later in life, I continue with MORE projects, such as TheEpicosityGuys and I figure that my little company can be TheEpicosityGuys.

Uggghhh, it seems like my life is so messy and I really need to organize and prioritize.

Okay, See You Next Post

Of course, I might not actually be literally watching you read my next post, but hey, you never know. Anyways, I'm sure I didn't do that well of a job for this post, nothing that's actually worth reading about. Sorry for wasting your time.

I feel like today shouldn't be a happy day for some reason, but truth be told, it could have been a lot more less enjoyable. Oh well. For today I'm a 8. I just have a feeling that something bad will be happening soon.

"They succeed, because they think they can." - Virgil

Hobby

I'm Finding Time

Now it's become apparent that I've got a lot of time on my hands, so I'm thinking of taking up a hobby or learning something new. I don't mean like getting a really casual hobby, like stamp or rock collecting, but something more... my style.

Lately I've taken a lot of interest in designing and photography, so I might look into that as a field of interest of hobby. Then again, I've always liked coding and knowing HTML, CSS, PHP, and MySQL could really help me in the future if I ever pursue a job as a coder. I don't know. There's a lot of stuff I could do. I might just stick to reading for a while until I figure out what to do.

Writing is already kind of a interest of mine, but NaNoWriMo certainly fulfills my cravings for writing. I don't know what else I could really do. Maybe I should just do something wild, like make a simple 3D animation or really get crazy and start learning how to design games.

It'd be cool to be a game designer, photographer, designer, coder, or anything along the lines of that. They're all really cool professions that I would just love to have. Doing something that I actually enjoy.

A Lot Of Work

My cousin has been really piling on work for me (he's assigning parts from a grade nine textbook for me to do in hopes that I can skip grade nine and go onto grade 10 next year), and the stress and strain of that is kind of bugging me.

You see, there's this constant expectation from everybody that I'm going to become something special one day. I personally want to be something special, but I don't know if I'm mature enough, or have the work ethic to do so.

So lately I've been working a lot harder than usual in order to meet my family's standards. I've kind of already met their expectations because I've gotten A's in all my subjects (SO FAR). I'm doing a lot better than I thought I was.

NaNoWriMo takes up a lot of time for me and I'm just a little more than 5,000 words behind schedule. I'm probably going to do a lot of typing tomorrow and get half halfway to the quota of tomorrow. Essentially saying, I will be 6,000 words behind schedule if I don't type anything today.

Lina's Coming Back

My cousin Lina is coming back on November 28, so that's something to look forward to. It's going to be awesome having her back in Canada. It seems like it's been a long time since I've seen her (really just about two months I believe).

Anyways, today I'm a 9. Nothing to be seriously happy about, yet there's nothing gloomy in my life. I've become very conscious about words that I say too often (such as "so", "anyways", "probably", "lately"), and I'm trying very hard not to say words that I overuse. It's going pretty well so far.

"Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." - Bernard M. Baruch

Unintentional Pity

People Unintentionally Hurt Others

As I said a post or two ago, humans as a race have flaws. One of those flaws is that we unintentionally hurt others by doing things that we think is the right thing to do. I'm not saying that you shouldn't do what you think is the right thing, but take a moment to think about how the other person would feel if you did what you did.

Our modern society makes it seem that anything positive is a sarcastic comment. In reality, humans are a run down race who are put down and lonely. I'm talking about this because although I do love it when people comment on my blog, it's kind of hurting me since I think that people are just being sarcastic when they comment positively.

I hope for most comments, what the person says is TRUTH. I really hope there was no sarcasm, and I will continue on with my business as if there wasn't any sarcasm.

So keep it up with the comments. They're perfectly fine.

NaNoWriMo Is Coming Along...

My short novel is getting to 50,000 words at what I believe is a decent pace. I'm nearing the 10,000 word mark, so I'm pretty happy that I'm actually managing to keep up with the pace.

So far my character has developed a lot mentally and socially, and I'm not completely sure how I want to end this novel. There's still about 40,000 words to the end, so I'm going to have quite a bit of time to actually think about this.

Well, Goodnight

I didn't really have much to talk about, but lately all my writing and speaking is reflecting off my character's. I guess I need to start easing up on the whole first person perspective aspect of my novel.

Today I'm a 10. I got a lot of work cleared up, and I remember worrying about something, but now that worry is gone for the most part. I wonder what type of dreams I will have tonight.

"A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world." Oscar Wilde

People These Days

Humans Are Corrupted

Humans are a long way from being perfect. We have so many flaws in our characteristics, but hey, that's what makes us human. Humans just have problems with a lot of stuff, especially other humans.

The reason why I talk about the flaws of humans now is because a lot of friends are coming to me asking me for guidance and help, because you know, I'm that type of person, the type of person that helps out people. To be honest though, they kind of tire me out with their daily problems. First of all, I find that not all of their problems are explained and I can't do anything about that.

It's not that these people bug me, but it's because when I help out a person, there always tend to be two opposing parties. The thing is, I don't want to be involved in any of the situation or pick a side, but I know that I already know which party I'm "voting" for.

Got A Haircut

So I got a haircut and to be honest, it's too short for me. I don't like it. But it shouldn't be a problem for me. If I think it actually hurts my personality, then I'm just very vain.

See You Later

I don't have much else to talk about, so I'm just going to end this post right here.

I'm a 9 today. It was a decent day, and I finished most of my homework. Just nervous about some stuff.

"The way to succeed is to double your error rate." - Thomas J. Watson

November Is Here

Life's Bustling Now

Life is so messy and confused for me, I just want some time to sort things out and figure out what my plans should be.

That's why the weekend was invented.

Over this weekend I plan to just get everything in life in order and prioritized. I need to figure out what homework I need to get down, what quizzes or tests are coming up, and on top of that, I have other responsibilities, such as homework assigned by Michael (my cousin), homework from clubs, NaNoWriMo. It's all just one big huge mess of stuff. I need to get some ground laid down and figure a lot of things out.

I Wonder If I've Ever Been Hated

Now that I'm finally settling into the routine of being a student at Alpha, I can think and reflect back on my "glory days". Looking back, I don't think there were any people who openly showed they hated me. But I really wonder if there were people back in Begbie who didn't like me.

I'm very self aware of what people think of me. If somebody doesn't like me, it's not like I'm going to hold a grudge or anything, I'll just try my best to make sure that I don't bump into that person in the hallways or class too often. It's just I like to know things.

NaNoWriMo

Adding onto my daily stress load is NaNoWriMo. It's getting difficult to type enough words per day so that I can finish on time, and I already have a lot of other stuff I need to take care of. Sometimes I wish life just fell into place. But then maybe life would be too easy and we wouldn't like living.

Doubt

Doubt is a dangerous and at times helpful thing. For example, if you are doubtful that a man with a gun pointed at your head will actually shoot you, you might end up dead in the next few seconds. But then again, if you are doubtful that a man with a gun pointed at your head will actually shoot you, you might quickly disarm him and turn over the tables.

I don't like it when people doubt me at things. I'm perfectly fine if I'm scared or won't do something (where in that case, it's perfectly correct to say I'm doubtful), but if I have the full confidence to do something, somebody shouldn't doubt me and step in the way to "protect" me.

Sometimes I doubt that I will actually continue this blog. It just seems sometimes that everything is pilling up in my arms, and I'm trying to hold everything in place. But I can't. And I just sometimes want to let go of everything. Or just drop a few things and continue on with the most valuable items I'm carrying, but I know that if I hang on, my arms will get used to it and will eventually grow stronger. Stronger arms mean I can lift more.

As I Said, "Busy Days"

It feels like this part of my life will be the busiest. It feels that way, but I know it won't be. I know there will be another time in the near or distant future where I'll be feeling like I'm just carrying too much.

I'm a 8 today. Worried about how I'm going to sort my mess of a life. I'm at my carrying capacity. It doesn't feel like I can take on any more responsibilities or do anything else.

"From now on, I'll connect the dots my own way." - Bill Watterson