why would you like me?
i don't even like myself
January 27, 2018
111 Words
It was always you and me
Now it’s me and you, you second, but still feels like you’re first
Everybody’s laughing, carefree and happy
Sorry, I don’t get the joke – a bad feeling, the worst
It’s like I’m crying SOS with every SMS
Doesn’t feel like I can do anything right
Even on the days when I try my best
I can’t even cry when I go to sleep at night
I get it, I murdered love, it was me
Even when it’s your fault, it’s my fault in the end
I just wanna be
Some guy who doesn’t feel like he’s ruining your night when he hits send
Just kidding
Now it’s me and you, you second, but still feels like you’re first
Everybody’s laughing, carefree and happy
Sorry, I don’t get the joke – a bad feeling, the worst
It’s like I’m crying SOS with every SMS
Doesn’t feel like I can do anything right
Even on the days when I try my best
I can’t even cry when I go to sleep at night
I get it, I murdered love, it was me
Even when it’s your fault, it’s my fault in the end
I just wanna be
Some guy who doesn’t feel like he’s ruining your night when he hits send
Just kidding
January 26, 2018
108 Raindrops
Phil and I hop off the warm bus and plunge ourselves back into the rain. It's dark and the rain is heavy. As I open up my umbrella, I welcome the familiar smell of the wet cement. I'm about to turn to Phil and comment on how I didn't know that the bus stops here, when a voice pops up behind me.
"Excuse me, do you know where ______ street is?"
The voice belongs to a young lady. Her face is porcelain white and her bright red lipstick makes a sharp contrast against its canvas. She's wearing a long coat, hood up, but no umbrella.
I respond, "Yeah, we're actually headed that way."
We walk, and Phil and I awkwardly try to shield her from the rain with both of our umbrellas. On the way I ask her for the exact address and pull it up on Google Maps. I remark that Phil's house is on the way there and my house is the opposite direction.
Upon reaching the street, I say goodbye as I prepare to head back to my house. As Phil and the woman are looking for a gap in traffic to cross the road, I stand there and watch them watch the cars.
I'd like to say that something powerful overcame me, something beautiful and inexplicable, but nothing of that sort happened.
I just crossed with them, that's all.
As I thought, Phil decides to walk the rest of the way with her, so I tag along behind them.
Sidewalks in my city really aren't meant for three people. I found this out in grade eight and I'm reminded of this again. I walk, umbrella casually leaning against my shoulder. I don't know if I hold umbrellas wrong or something, but my left arm usually gets soaked.
On the way there, Phil makes small talk with the woman. From what snippets of their conversation I can make out over the rain I discover she is an exchange student here for a few months. It seems like Phil naturally slips into conversation with her, though there are several moments where the language barrier comes into play.
They talk and I walk. I think to myself, It's usually like this. Phil is the front man, the first point of contact. I'm the logistics guy. The guy with the plan and the map. There's nothing wrong with being the map dude, but sometimes it feels like I should also man the front desk sometimes. I don't resent Phil at all for this though, it's simply how I am.
It's a pretty long walk, and not even halfway there my feet are drenched from stepping into invisible puddles. Eventually we make it to the supposed block of houses, but most of them don't have visible addresses. With the help of my phone we determine which one is the right house.
The woman profusely thanks us and walks up to the front door. Phil makes a motion to leave, but I want to make sure that she gets in safely. I also want to make sure I didn't give her the wrong house.
In retrospect, it is a bit awkward to just have two people stand there and watch you try to get in. My awkward decision pays off though, as nobody comes to answer the door after a few minutes. I approach her, and Phil hesitates behind me. I feel bad for dragging him into my weird mess.
After a few minutes of troubleshooting, we find out she has keys to the basement suite. We make our way to the back of the house and she immediately recognizes the entry way. She searches in her bag for her keys, and I hold my umbrella over her. When she finds it, she thanks us again.
We give our goodbyes and start making our way back to the front of the house. I stop right as we turn the corner and I quickly say, "Just wanna make sure that she gets in fine," before peeking over just to see her step through the door.
Making our way to the front, Phil makes a comment about how at some point, it's "too much." I agree. That was too much from me, and I'm not entirely sure why I did it. Maybe it's my way of redeeming myself and trying to feel like a good person. Maybe I just genuinely wanted to make sure she wasn't locked out or anything.
In the end though, it doesn't matter what my intentions are.
We start walking back to our houses, and talk about the experience we just had. Phil says he's glad that I came along because he's supposedly terrible with directions, but I think he's giving me too much credit.
In seemingly no time, we're at Phil's house. I bid him farewell and head home myself. As I approach my house, I see that my tenant's lights are off. I remember that my brother has a band concert, and my heart sinks. I silently hope that my tenant is just in his room. Instead of heading right for the door, I circle the house, checking for any lights.
None.
I walk up the stairs to my back door, and hang my umbrella on the railing when I reach the landing. Opening the door, I walk into my house.
I don't really like being home alone, for various reasons really, but one stands out the most.
I flick on multiple lights as I make my way to my room - the kitchen, the bathroom, and finally the light in my room.
I'm home.
"Excuse me, do you know where ______ street is?"
The voice belongs to a young lady. Her face is porcelain white and her bright red lipstick makes a sharp contrast against its canvas. She's wearing a long coat, hood up, but no umbrella.
I respond, "Yeah, we're actually headed that way."
We walk, and Phil and I awkwardly try to shield her from the rain with both of our umbrellas. On the way I ask her for the exact address and pull it up on Google Maps. I remark that Phil's house is on the way there and my house is the opposite direction.
Upon reaching the street, I say goodbye as I prepare to head back to my house. As Phil and the woman are looking for a gap in traffic to cross the road, I stand there and watch them watch the cars.
I'd like to say that something powerful overcame me, something beautiful and inexplicable, but nothing of that sort happened.
I just crossed with them, that's all.
As I thought, Phil decides to walk the rest of the way with her, so I tag along behind them.
Sidewalks in my city really aren't meant for three people. I found this out in grade eight and I'm reminded of this again. I walk, umbrella casually leaning against my shoulder. I don't know if I hold umbrellas wrong or something, but my left arm usually gets soaked.
On the way there, Phil makes small talk with the woman. From what snippets of their conversation I can make out over the rain I discover she is an exchange student here for a few months. It seems like Phil naturally slips into conversation with her, though there are several moments where the language barrier comes into play.
They talk and I walk. I think to myself, It's usually like this. Phil is the front man, the first point of contact. I'm the logistics guy. The guy with the plan and the map. There's nothing wrong with being the map dude, but sometimes it feels like I should also man the front desk sometimes. I don't resent Phil at all for this though, it's simply how I am.
It's a pretty long walk, and not even halfway there my feet are drenched from stepping into invisible puddles. Eventually we make it to the supposed block of houses, but most of them don't have visible addresses. With the help of my phone we determine which one is the right house.
The woman profusely thanks us and walks up to the front door. Phil makes a motion to leave, but I want to make sure that she gets in safely. I also want to make sure I didn't give her the wrong house.
In retrospect, it is a bit awkward to just have two people stand there and watch you try to get in. My awkward decision pays off though, as nobody comes to answer the door after a few minutes. I approach her, and Phil hesitates behind me. I feel bad for dragging him into my weird mess.
After a few minutes of troubleshooting, we find out she has keys to the basement suite. We make our way to the back of the house and she immediately recognizes the entry way. She searches in her bag for her keys, and I hold my umbrella over her. When she finds it, she thanks us again.
We give our goodbyes and start making our way back to the front of the house. I stop right as we turn the corner and I quickly say, "Just wanna make sure that she gets in fine," before peeking over just to see her step through the door.
Making our way to the front, Phil makes a comment about how at some point, it's "too much." I agree. That was too much from me, and I'm not entirely sure why I did it. Maybe it's my way of redeeming myself and trying to feel like a good person. Maybe I just genuinely wanted to make sure she wasn't locked out or anything.
In the end though, it doesn't matter what my intentions are.
We start walking back to our houses, and talk about the experience we just had. Phil says he's glad that I came along because he's supposedly terrible with directions, but I think he's giving me too much credit.
In seemingly no time, we're at Phil's house. I bid him farewell and head home myself. As I approach my house, I see that my tenant's lights are off. I remember that my brother has a band concert, and my heart sinks. I silently hope that my tenant is just in his room. Instead of heading right for the door, I circle the house, checking for any lights.
None.
I walk up the stairs to my back door, and hang my umbrella on the railing when I reach the landing. Opening the door, I walk into my house.
I don't really like being home alone, for various reasons really, but one stands out the most.
I flick on multiple lights as I make my way to my room - the kitchen, the bathroom, and finally the light in my room.
I'm home.
January 23, 2018
First Impressions: Anime of Winter 2018
- WARNING: THIS POST MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS -
Easing back into the groove with the Winter 2018 season.
MyAnimeList Profile
Final Thoughts: Anime of Winter 2018 (to be posted)
Speed Boosts:
Citrus
Karakai Jouzu no Takagi-san
Koi wa Ameagari no You ni
Violet Evergarden
Yuru Camp
TL;DR
Final Thoughts: Anime of Winter 2018 (to be posted)
Speed Boosts:
Citrus
Karakai Jouzu no Takagi-san
Koi wa Ameagari no You ni
Violet Evergarden
Yuru Camp
TL;DR
Citrus (2/12)
I Rate: 7.4/10.0
One Sentence: Thought I was getting a drama with yuri undertones but turns out it's yuri overtones.
So where does the anime go wrong? The main problem with Citrus is its reliance on an unorthodox premise and shock factor to seem dramatic. Now, I can't tell if I'm insensitive to this "forbidden love" stuff or whatever (after watching Kuzu no Honkai and Koi to Uso), but when I am thrown several scenes of hot (kinda NSFW?) and steamy (I wouldn't open this one in public either) action for seemingly little reason, that isn't good. To be fair, this dependence is somewhat lifted in the events of the second episode, where Yuzu resolves to "save" Mei from her suffocating life, but it still feels like the biggest reason to watch Citrus is to see those scenes (once again, kinda NSFW). If the anime can't develop a thoughtful and meaningful story without resorting to pandering, it will remain B tier at best.
Asides from this problem, there isn't too much else to comment on. At times the rationale of the two main characters is questionable, best seen in Yuzu's stubbornness in not adhering to school dress code despite it being a completely reasonable thing to do with far greater benefits than repercussions. Mei has a bit more leeway, as her otherwise inexplicable behaviour can be attributed to her circumstances, but only time will tell if her actions are meaningful or simply rash.
Best Girl: Mei > Yuzu
Karakai Jouzu no Takagi-san (2/12)
I Rate: 7.6/10.0
One Sentence: Asides from the slightly annoying Nishikita the show gives you good vibes and is an entertaining way to wind down after a long day.
The voice actor for Nishikita has done a bang on job of sounding like the most impudent and whiny brat of anime in recent memory. While that serves to effectively tell the audience what kind of person Nishikita is, it also has the downside of making me want to recoil every time this face comes on. He truly is a piece of work.
Karakai Jouzu no Takagi-san is nothing special, but it's not bad at all. Instead it's kinda like a comfortable arm chair to sink into after a long day of school/work, only it makes an annoying sound every five minutes.
Best Girl: you already know it's Takagi
Koi wa Ameagari no You ni (2/10)
I Rate: 7.5/10.0
One Sentence: I'm on the fence since it's a romance, but the dude is 45 and the girl is 17, so we'll have to see how the anime progresses.
But hey, age is just a number right?
Asides from that, the other aspects of the anime are quite good. I like what they've done with the characters of Tachibana and Kondou, in terms of their respective personalities and traits. Kondou is just a honest and hardworking guy, though you can feel the awkwardness emanating from him. Tachibana is somewhat in the same vein, in that she is straight forward and direct with her words and feelings.
The art is a little bit out there, but you only notice it in the characters. There's a lot of detail in the eyes (for some characters at least) and the hair styles are unique, which sorta give off a surreal feeling when I'm watching.
Best Girl: Tachibana of course
Violet Evergarden (2/14)
I Rate: 8.3/10.0
One Sentence: Holy Violet Evergarden is finally here and it's every bit as glorious as expected.
One area that I'd really like to praise for its excellence is in the characters, and more specifically how they are revealed through their mannerisms and gestures. You catch onto these little movements and subtle expressions, and that adds onto what has already been explicitly shown about the character. This way of implicitly describing a character is done exceptionally well in Violet Evergarden, and there are many examples in just the two episodes I've watched.
In regard to the story, it is interesting, but progressing quite slowly. While the anime may have the leisure to do this with its surprising but welcome 14 episode duration, there runs the risk of becoming unexciting. I think there's great potential for the world that has been created, and I believe that potential will be fully realized.
Best Girl: actually wouldn't be surprised to see any of the girls here, but Violet is the way to go
Yuru Camp (2/14)
I Rate: 7.8/10.0
One Sentence: Feels good and feels right.
Maybe you just finished an episode of Citrus and you need some eye bleach to cleanse your soul. Well look no further than Yuru Camp!!! It's a surprisingly well made anime surrounding the adventures and discoveries of a bunch of smol girls going camping in the big world. Its comedy is nothing new, but it is tried and true, which means that while you won't be bursting out laughing, it will be entertaining to watch.
I like the art and animation more than your "average" anime, and the characters are all reasonably likable as well. Yuru Camp along with Karakai Jouzu no Takagi-san are both great anime to watch when you just wanna wind down after a long day of doing whatever you're doing, but Yuru Camp is rated a little higher for its more significant story progression and its larger (and more interesting) cast of characters.
Best Girl: IT'S THE CLUMSY BUT DETERMINED NADESHIKO
TL;DR
Citrus: 7.4/10.0 | could turn into something good, would pick up
Karakai Jouzu no Takagi-san: 7.6/10.0 | if you like getting teased by girls your age this is right for you
Koi wa Ameagari no You ni: 7.5/10.0 | if you like getting teased by the FBI this is right for you
Violet Evergarden: 8.3/10.0 | came for art, stayed for the art and characters
Yuru Camp: 7.8/10.0 | half learning how to camp, half looking at cute girls
January 9, 2018
93
Hey there and welcome to the first post of 2018.
It's been a while since I've written a post like this - casual, with no depressing/epiphanic story prefacing it. If you've been following along for the past 93 or so days, you'll most likely have guessed that I'm going through some tough times right now. Right now is not the right time to tell the story, but I don't know if there ever will be "right" time.
Anyways, what is the point of this post?
It's time to do some New Year's Resolutions!
So there you have it. I'll set a reminder in my calendar for the end of 2018 to write a post following up on each of these items and if I successfully achieved my goals. I'll also keep adding to this list as time passes and new ideas come up (including the date that I added the item, for reference purposes).
Wish me luck, and I hope that you have a bright and happy 2018.
P.S. yes, the stories are coming back
It's been a while since I've written a post like this - casual, with no depressing/epiphanic story prefacing it. If you've been following along for the past 93 or so days, you'll most likely have guessed that I'm going through some tough times right now. Right now is not the right time to tell the story, but I don't know if there ever will be "right" time.
Anyways, what is the point of this post?
It's time to do some New Year's Resolutions!
Kevin's Will-Definitely-Do Resolutions of 2018
1) Write a post at least every two weeks
2) Finish a long-ish short story by the end of the year
3) Improve my writing
4) Go to Japan
5)Get accepted into the UBC Computer Science Program
6) Do a co-op
7)Play a game of ulti
8) Start running (once it's warmer)
9)Get that Instagram feed off the ground
10) Pass my road test and get my N
11)Have my braces removed
12) Love myself
13) Do something cool, like really cool
14) Write a First Impressions and Final Thoughts for every season
15)Cry
16)Get over my fear of asking strangers if they need help/want a seat on transit
17) Achieve over 90% on a midterm
18) Achieve over 90% in a course
19) Make my life colourful
20) Wean myself off social media to the point where I don't depend on it (01-29-2018)
21) Not get sick for the rest of the year (07-31-2018)
22) Upgrades to room! Namely new bed sheets, new desk, and some sort of shelving (08-09-2018)
1) Write a post at least every two weeks
2) Finish a long-ish short story by the end of the year
4) Go to Japan
5)
6) Do a co-op
7)
8) Start running (once it's warmer)
9)
10) Pass my road test and get my N
11)
13) Do something cool, like really cool
14) Write a First Impressions and Final Thoughts for every season
15)
16)
17) Achieve over 90% on a midterm
18) Achieve over 90% in a course
19) Make my life colourful
So there you have it. I'll set a reminder in my calendar for the end of 2018 to write a post following up on each of these items and if I successfully achieved my goals. I'll also keep adding to this list as time passes and new ideas come up (including the date that I added the item, for reference purposes).
Wish me luck, and I hope that you have a bright and happy 2018.
P.S. yes, the stories are coming back
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