Dear friends,
You were my first choice. My second home. My third space.
Though you are no longer any of these, I am not upset.
Back then I asked you, "Do you think we're friends just because of circumstance?"
To this you responded, "Maybe, but does that matter?"
See, I often wonder what would have happened if I was not there at that exact time and place. What if I was not there when you went to IKEA? If I had said no to a night making ratatouille and eating ice cream? If I had taken the bus home because it was getting late instead of watching 8 episodes of Dash & Lily?
Perhaps I would not have spent every free hour in that 16m2 clubroom that had one table and extra chairs stolen from the hallway. I probably would not have developed a crush and gotten rejected. I definitely would not have been part of an underground band with 0 performances to date.
I was scared that we were simply people who met at the right time and place, and that this delineation would somehow undermine our friendship. I was afraid that admitting to this would mean we were not true friends.
But while these thoughts swirl in my brain, I know, and I have felt firsthand, that this is anything but true. You were always right - it does not matter if we met by coincidence. I would say I'm dumb for thinking otherwise, but if you were here you would call me out for always being self-deprecating, so I won't.
You taught me how to love your friends, and that I would be loved despite my flaws. You helped me get over my anxiety of spending one-on-one time. You said it was okay to receive care and gifts without always having to return them. You helped me land my first full-time job offer, and when that offer was rescinded, you gave me strength to get back on my feet.
You not only celebrated my successes, but felt my pain as if it was yours.
Our time together will likely be a short blip in my lifetime, but in that time you made an impression on me that will last for that lifetime.
You were my first choice. My second home. My third space.
Though you are no longer any of these, I am not upset.
Instead, I rest easy knowing there is a point in the spacetime continuum in which you and I aligned perfectly, and you were all those things and more.
And for me, that is more than enough.
Love,
Me, now, back then, and from here
