Hi there! My name is Kevin Zou and I have been an amateur singer since five minutes ago. Everybody can sing, it's just a matter of how well you can sing. Some people can sing at very high pitches, while others can sing at amazingly low pitches. If you're interested in learning how to sing, then you've come to the right guide!
First of off we'll have to assess whether you have the right tools to be a great singer. You need: a) a mouth, b) honey lemon tea, c) a simple scarf, and d) music. Optional items include a music stand, a piano, and about five jars of jellybeans. The more that you have, the better!
Alright, got all of your materials? Let's head onto basic stuff then.
II. Basics
The most important part about singing is to make sure that you blend in. However that doesn't necessarily mean that you have to blend in with people (you can of course, but there are situations where you are not). You could be blending in with the sounds of birds chirping outside, or the water softly boiling from the kitchen. It doesn't matter!
Now for the actual singing part! Let's start off with some exercises. You are most likely familiar with "do re mi fa so la ti do", so just practice going over that a few times until you are completely comfortable with that. It helps if you hum/sing this throughout your day, as you start to notice it less and less, and soon enough it will become natural to you.
Once you have mastered it, drink a few cups of honey lemon tea and then try again. Honey lemon tea is a singer's best friend, as it will help clear your throat whenever you need to, and it's helpful to be used to its taste while singing.
III. Advanced
Wow you progressed quickly! For this part you will need your scarf. Ensure that it's wrapped tightly and snug around your neck, and check in the mirror a few times to see if you are presentable. Once you're done that, you can drink your cup of honey lemon tea (it should be a daily routine by now) and head outside. That's right! You are now ready to share what you have learned so far with the outside world.
Hold on! Where are you going? It's way too soon to be going to the train station! First off you need to start singing to your friends and teachers. Depending on their reaction, you can decide if you are ready to head to the general public. Work your way up slowly. Remember, you can't build a house starting at the top!
IV. Amateur
Sweet, you're pretty well known around the local train station, and everybody seems to just eat up your music (quite literally, as that one dog did eat up your sheet music). Now is a really good time to invest in those five jars of jellybeans, as you'll definitely need them if you want to rise even further.
Try getting some air time on the radio station. It doesn't have to be you singing, but as long as you are on air, you will be known outside of your community. With enough perseverance and dedication, you will soon become a regular on the station. Now all you have to do is wait for the contracts and labels to fly in.
V. Professional
I have no more to teach you! I am so proud of you, and I am so glad to have been with you every step of the way. Instead here's a parting gift. I have left the rest of this book blank for you. You can do anything with it, but a cool idea would be to write your own guide! Remember to never appear in public with your scarf (I sleep with mine anyhow), and to always have honey lemon tea in stock. I bet your jellybean collection has well passed 100 jars by now! Thank you for following this guide and putting your faith in me.
I'm an 8 tonight :) If you're wondering what this post is all about, it is #12: a how-to post on something you know nothing about. Thanks to Emma (a wonderful singer) for the inspiration. Until next time!
"If you obey all the rules you miss all the fun." - Katharine Hepburn
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