My whole life I have been raised to think that I was special. Actually, I still think that I am special. Even though I have little to no talents, and even though I am not proficient in a single area, I cannot help but to think that I am special. I feel that however low I may go, I will get through it, simply because I am special.
However, more and more so, I have been in the dumps. Nothing is going right for me. No, actually, things are developing at a nice pace, but it's not enough for me. For some reason I feel like I can be so much more, but I refuse to put the effort into making myself a better person.
People have always praised me for my charisma and personality, and it's something that I do take care of. But for that reason, all these people also tend to exaggerate my accomplishments and skills.
No, I am not a good artist. In the fifth grade, when you asked me to make two posters, I felt uncomfortable. I couldn't make even one, let alone two.
No, I am not a math genius. Just because I skipped Math 9 doesn't mean that I am exceptionally smart in the subject. There are some parts that I'm struggling with right now in my math course.
No, I am not really good with computers. I spend a lot of time with them, so naturally I know a few tricks, but I am no wizard.
No, I am not any of these things.
There is nothing about me that is of the extraordinary. I'm only okay at everything. Unfortunately I do not excel in a specific area. And this frustrates me to no end. I grow envious of others who play piano with prowess, or those who understand complex concepts in chemistry.
I realize that I am much more fortunate than many others in the world, but that doesn't change how I feel. Lately I feel as if I have stagnated, that this is the extent of my skills.
Why can I never make the first move when I become interested in a girl? Why do I accept my mediocre self? Why do I feel so inadequate? It's like I'm good enough for everybody except for myself.
Sorry, this has been a moody and sulky Real Talk Monday. Let's look on the bright side; there's no way that the next RTM will be any worse.
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