henlo

So I've been meaning to write this post since the beginning of summer but I think that putting it off until now has helped me further understand the topic.

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When the summer first started I was a lonely and lost boy. To some degree I still am, but much less so now. Networks like Snapchat and Instagram amplified my feelings of social mediocrity yet I continued to stare longingly at the vibrant lives of those around me. I felt like my life was colourless and bland in comparison to those that my friends led.

If I were to pinpoint one specific thing that shifted my mentality, it would have to be Canada Day.

I was invited to a barbecue + sleepover at my friend's house and this invitation came out of the blue to me. The friend group was one that I was familiar with, but I didn't think we were close enough to be invited. I was pleasantly surprised and I remember thinking This is how I get that colourful life.

The get together was great and I ended up sleeping over despite not planning to (my first sleepover at another person's house). We spent a lot of time outside just listening to music and talking, and overall it was a very cozy and comfortable environment to be in. The morning after we made a pilgrimage to IHOP and had a nice breakfast together.

While it sounds like pretty standard fare, the party was important to me because it deglorified the lives of others. I had only ever seen these friends through the filters of social media, so spending some quality time with them helped me realize that my life is just as interesting as theirs are. Perhaps it's not even a good train of thought to compare the quality of our lives like so.

Regardless, I had a blast and this event kicked to life some friendships and strengthened some that were not as strong before, and for that I am eternally grateful.

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There is another friend group that I have, though as time passes it feels as though we grow more distant. They are the friends of my ex-girlfriend. Only last summer did I hang out with them no less than three times a week, and I'll be damned if that wasn't a fun summer. However after the breakup the physical act of even being with them was difficult. It was always obvious that they would choose her over me, but it didn't lessen the blow.

For a while this had me feeling really low, but as I met more and more people in my life, I found that maybe they are not the close friends I was looking for. Their entire culture and dynamic is incredibly different from mine, and while I had dismissed this as my fault in the past, I know now that I just don't agree with some things that they do.

They're all great people and they mean well, but they're probably not (and they haven't been) the people I want to spend time with the most. I blindly assumed that because they were friends of my partner at the time that they would be what I need, but that has changed after some introspection and critical thinking of myself.

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This all sounds good and all, "Wow Kevin had a epiphany, he must feel great," but that couldn't be further from reality. Writing this feels difficult because it feels like I am speaking poorly of the people I really did consider my closest friends when I mean anything but that. I still care for you all and I do enjoy hanging out with you!

- Kevin