UBC eSports Association
By far this month saw more participation and time dedicated to the club. One of my favourite things about our president is the work she puts into setting up casual dinners for our executive team. Those dinners have helped me come out of my shell and become drastically more comfortable with other members of the team. I also started taking more shifts watching over the gaming lounge, which combined with the nights out make up most of my involvement with the club.
More importantly though, my mindset and attitude about the UBC eSports Association changed. I have become complacent with my contributions to the group and I believe that I can be doing much more. The League of Legends community does not feel as alive as it should be for a school of our size, and I used to pin blame on the community for not coming out to the events when I should have been criticizing myself. How can I blame the people for not wanting to go to events they don't like?
With this current understanding I hope to strengthen my resolve and reignite my passion of improving the League of Legends community. Even now I am thinking, "I'll leave it to next year, this year is done for," but I remind myself of this proverb: The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.
Off-White
One important part of my growth was learning how to be single. For obvious reasons I struggled with the absence of a partner during the months (year maybe?) after my breakup, but the effects resonate to this day. Up until very recently (two weeks ago) I had this notion that I was a relatively attractive partner. I was confused as to how my romantic life was somehow more dull than the off-white walls of my room.
At some point I thought, "Well if people aren't attracted to me, then it's probably me." Just out of the blue. My theory is that I tried way too hard to make myself seem like a good partner, but to be honest I can't even say this with conviction.
So I am going to do what has always worked for me - stop worrying about it. I'm less than halfway through my time at university. I shouldn't worry about it so I won't. One might call this running away, maybe it is, but to me the act of actively restraining my behaviours is tackling on the problem head on.
16Personalities
An idea I had for these monthly summaries was to do the 16Personalities test when I write them and compare how I change over the year. While the test is not entirely accurate, it does give a rough gauge of one's personality. I'm looking forward to seeing if any cool changes happen and I hope you are too!
Historically I have been a mediator more often than not, but I was surprised to see this result after January. I feel like I changed a significant amount this month, especially in my understanding of how others viewed me. Though it is the pilot month so we will have to wait another month before the fruits of our efforts are revealed.
Things to improve and honourable mentions
Dude my dedication and discipline regarding school sucks.
People around me are seriously smart and I need to work hard to catch up. That's all (well not for what I need to improve, but this glaring issue of mediocre academic performance needs to stop).
Honourable mentions for significant parts of January: ultimate intramurals have started up again and it helps so much with my physical and mental health, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse was really good, not having morning classes is bliss, and there may or may not be a podcast next time you visit here :)
See you all in Feburary.
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