The ocean opens itself to us, painting a picturesque setting as the sun sets. We take a moment to grasp the sheer awe of it.
She turns to me and says, "Want to find somewhere to sit?"
Ah. I can see why they call it Golden Hour. It's as if the world decided that the last bit of sunlight should be used on her.
"Yeah let's find a log."
We seat ourselves on a sturdy looking log, away from the other beachgoers. For a minute it is only the sunset on the horizon, the sand and log on the beach, and ourselves.
She takes a big stretch and looks satisfied with it before finally speaking. "Do you know why I asked you to come with me today?"
My heartbeat shoots through the roof. Holy shit. This is it. It's finally happening.
"No not really, what's up?" I lie, trying to not let my excitement show through the cracks.
She laughs and says, "Wow you really didn't pick up? So you also don't know why we went to the cafe to study, IKEA shopping last weekend, and the movie the other day?"
"No actually. Though I'm curious now since you say there's a reason." This was only half a lie. I genuinely didn't know that those outings were because she was interested. I thought she just needed to get things done and didn't want to do them alone.
"Okay I guess I really just have to tell you straight up then."
"Please do."
She faces me and takes a deep breath to prepare herself. A moment passes and I think back to everything that led to where we are now.
At first it was just a simple "hey good game tonight! thanks for teaching me a lot even though I was really bad :')" after our intramural volleyball game. Then it became a back and forth of messaging each other our attempts at the daily Wordle. Then whenever she needed to do some errand or task she would always invite me out. It was the love story that I had been missing out on my entire undergrad.
"I really like your friend."
What did she just say? I don't understand. I don't get it. But I have to answer I have to say something.
"Oh! Yeah, it makes sense looking back at it." And that was the second biggest lie I told myself.
"Right? And thank you so much for being there when we did everything, the cafe, IKEA, the movie. I would've been way too nervous if it were just him and I."
Right. So the reason she was so comfortable with me and so cold to him was because she literally liked him too much to act normally.
"Hey I'm glad that I could be there for you."
She leans in to hug me and says, "Thank you, you don't know how much this means to me. I know I've got this with your support."
She breaks off the hug and she and I sit there until the sun finishes setting. She talks about how much better she feels now that she's told me and knows she has somebody to help her. She talks about all the good things about my friend, and I sit there and agree.
Eventually she and I leave that log on the beach. The beach, once brilliantly golden, is now cold and sullen. She and I make our way to the bus stop to go home, where she gives me one last hug.
"Thanks again, I'll see you soon!" she says as she steps onto the bus and away from me. It's a short walk home but I make it long. I make cup noodles, watch some YouTube, and get ready for bed.
As I lay in bed I think, "How could I have been so wrong?" For all the nights I couldn't sleep because I was thinking of her, she was thinking of him. And that is when I realized that I never crossed her mind the way she did mine.
I take off my glasses and go to sleep.
