If I had to say when this feeling began, it would be the start of February (when school returned to in-person classes). As I settled into a new rhythm, I realized that it was not going to be like the first term.
I distinctly remember one day in the first week back. I had a break and was walking up to the clubroom, expecting to see someone working away or a group of people goofing off as usual. My heart warmed as I thought about how nice it would be see everyone again. Instead my heart sank as I saw the lights off and the room empty.
Thinking that somebody would come around eventually I sat down and idly did something to pass the time until they did.
Nobody did.
For the rest of the first week back I continued my tradition. Some days there would be people and I had an amazing time. But it was not the same, and I suppose I am the fool for believing it could be.
A sinister thought came to mind. What if they didn't want to be here anymore?
A dangerous thought, to be sure. With this more sinister ideas started popping into my head. They do not like me anymore. They will forget about me.
What scares me about how much I care about this is how little others seem to care about it. It scares me to think that I am the only one who feels this way and it makes me feel vulnerable.
I'm sure I will be fine in the end. My mind probably recalls only the negative feelings and experiences so the many great times I've had this term are not mentioned. I think I just needed to write this out to organize myself. With that said, thank you for reading.
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