liminality

Something that always surprises me is how quickly life and its many aspects can change. Things that we take for certain - family, friends, homes, jobs, school - can drastically change in the blink of an eye.

The company I was planning to work for cancelled my job offer a month before my start date.

The stated reason was because the tech market was on the downtrend. In hindsight, I was probably one of the first to be affected as the media coverage of the mass layoffs wouldn't start until some time later. The emotions that resulted were a mix of disappointment, frustration, and even relief. I was disappointed that I would no longer be moving down to San Francisco to make it to the "big leagues" with all my friends. I was frustrated because the beginning of my journey as a university graduate had managed to derail itself before it even started, and I couldn't do anything about it. I was relieved because a part of me was scared to leave the people and places I called home for my entire life.

This is all to say that things can suddenly change, and sometimes you can't do anything about it.

Now to the intended topic of discussion. I spent the last 4 months of university viewing everything as if it would be the last time. This is such an example of some of the (in hindsight, melodramatic) thoughts I had as the end of my undergrad approached.

I've been experiencing my "normal" life differently now that I'm planning to move away. This scene and many others are "normal" and comfortable, but one day they will be faraway and special places. I'll miss them, but for now I will continue to enjoy them, as I always have. pic.twitter.com/0DDKyBwZaw

— kevin (@therealkevinzoo) March 12, 2022

So now I have been experiencing everything in a renewed state. I was ready to tearfully part with my "old" life and instead stayed in the exact same spot. Like the beginning of a race I took a deep breath and launched myself forward, only to hit a wall that suddenly appeared. This perspective has been extremely refreshing however. I've found a peace and happiness in things not changing. I thought that I needed to move away and live by myself to start life "for real" when in reality I have been living this whole time.

This is all I really had to say about the matter. It's been a turbulent several months and honestly speaking I'm not sure how this will all turn out. Let's hope that one day in the (somewhat near) future things will have worked out for me!