Real(ish) Talk

Buckle up because this is going to be some of the worst writing you've ever read

First of all, it's pretty surreal that I'm actually writing a post a day after I put one up. I'm not sure what's gotten into me, but guess it's best to ride out the wave and go with the flow. Anyways, slap on this song that I've been listening to the past two weeks and let's gooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

Assumptions

Let us dip back to last Sunday afternoon. Every Sunday I work a full day (nine hours) at a sushi restaurant, and while it can be tiring and affect me negatively, it's good for the most part. Anyways, enough about that.

Our place, like many others, run a special, where you can choose any three items and get a miso soup with it for around $10. A group comes in with three adults and four kids, and the waitress I was working with tends to them. I don't know what I do for the next few minutes or so, but she has taken their order and asks me to help her prep and serve miso soup to that table.

She asks me to prep five full bowls and two bowls that are half full. When I ask her why the two bowls are to be half full, she responds that they are for the kids. Anyways, I'm left to my task and also thoughts about whether what I am doing aligns with my moral compass. It's humiliating, but from this one thing I started thinking negatively of my workplace.

With the whole thing still not sitting well with me, I run to the computer, where the Point of Sale (POS) system and all the orders are, and see that there are only five lunch specials on the order. It turns out that the two small miso soups had been requested by the customer, and as far as I'm aware, the waitress hadn't charged her for it.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say, maybe there's something profound like, "Even the slightest doubt can ruin a perfect track record," or even, "Assuming isn't good for you dude," but I don't know. Take what you will from this little anecdote. To me I discovered how much impact and change can be caused by an assumption.

Don't stop (not that you can)

I've been looking back at my posts (to get ready for my Student-Led Presentation, which is tomorrow!) and I have to say, there's not a whole lot keeping me from razing everything down to the floor. There's a lot of embarrassing content, but hey, it was me who wrote it.

In a serious light though, I think that one goal that I need to become a better and stronger person is to be able to fully embrace the more cringey parts of my past. Sometimes I try to write posts with the intention to make it as cringe-proof as possible, but maybe that's not what I'm supposed to do.

Maybe it's just some wonderfully beautiful way of living life. Maybe it's about the struggle, and maybe when I feel embarrassed about other posts, it's a good thing because I feel motivated to one up myself. So yeah, don't stop doing what you're doing. Quite possibly you're already doing that, and I'm just the weak one. Embrace as much of yourself as you can, take it, and own it.

Maybe I'm just dumb and this all has no meaning to you.

Thank you for reading.

Updates (Part 72?)

Wait, what? There's another post this soon??@@>#?
I don't know why, but this morning I just felt like writing up a high quality blog post for my dearest readers. But yeah, I'm pretty much going off an impulse here, so the writing is going to be horrendous (as usual).

Anyways, it's nice to have you back! Much like a random teenage boy writing a post for a blog that he has kept running for several years for whatever reason, I will write a post for my blog that I have kept running for several years for whatever reason.

It's coming (Anime of Winter)!
I stated in Summer 2016 Final Thoughts that I was considering to stop the anime reviews for a bit, at least until everything calmed down a bit. Now things are much more certain, in terms of school, uni, and extracurriculars. I've been accepted to both of the places I applied, so now all that's left is for me to enjoy the last few months of high school and try my best to keep my marks up.

With that said, you can expect an overview of the upcoming winter anime coming up in the next week or two (the second season of Saekano isn't airing until a week from now, so it'll probably be two weeks until the post).

Spring Break
It's been a week since spring break but I gotta say, it was a fantastic way for me to kinda "reset" and approach the rest of the school year with a fresh breath. I got to lounge around home all day, I went out a few times, and I just had a really nice, carefree break.

Students' Council was also planning our event, Striker, during the break, and that ended today, so it really does feel like I've dropped off quite a bit of baggage.

That's All!
I'm going to try for a post tomorrow, but knowing me there's a good chance it won't be up. Tomorrow is going to be a pretty good day for me, since I'm off on a French field trip for more than half the day, I get to come back to a relaxing fourth block, and then there's ultimate practice. Pray for no rain.

Uni Bound!

I've been accepted!
We maaaaaaade it! In mid-February I received an admission offer from SFU and just about a week ago I got an offer from UBC out of the blue! When I received my SFU offer I started writing up a post on it, but I never got around to finishing it.

It's been a surreal and thrilling experience this whole time. The amount of immense relief that flooded my body when I got my first offer was incredible, and I could hardly contain my excitement when I got contacted by UBC.

My parents are super thrilled to see that I'm headed off to university very soon (crazy how it's coming in just a few months), and I'm glad that I could do at least this much for them. I have no idea how I'm going to go from a comfortable high school existence to one with lots of new places and people, but it's definitely something to look forwards to.

On a sadder note
I'm pretty sure I've talked about the difficulties I'm having with Students' Council at least once, but if not, well, now you know I have difficulties with the group. With the development of me getting into university, I've been struggling to find a reason to not give up with the group.

A large part of it comes from the general atmosphere from Students' Council: nonchalant, uninterested, and far too reserved. I wonder what happened to the sparky group that was present a few months ago, and at this point I wonder what I've done to create such a dead collection of students.

I'll be honest as well: I haven't been putting in as much dedication to Students' Council as I used to. I find myself forgetting to fulfill some duty or obligation and while I'm tempted to use the excuse that I'm naturally forgetful, I know that I should be prioritizing my responsibilities on council more.

I don't know. It's difficult to find a reason to not give up.

Until next time
Sorry for not posting anything lately. It's been a blur since the last time you heard from me, and I'm pretty sure that I didn't write anything for Februrary, so that kinda sucks. Anyhoo, off I go to wallow and brood for a bit. Hope everything's going well for you, and if not, hopefully it'll turn out fine.

January update!

Hey there! Today I'll be dropping in and throwing together a little post to keep you updated! It's been extremely busy lately, more than ever, and my last few days of high school are just burning away. My grade 12 year has been so much different than any of my previous years, and it's a surreal experience to be in the middle of it all. I'll also be using this post to kinda look at everything and take a breather, so hopefully both of us finish this post more knowledgeable.

School
My courses are pretty decent this semester, I consistently get homework from one of my three classes and usually it's not too bad to finish. Computer programming, while it isn't providing the growth and education that I sought, is a good block to unwind and relax. Physics is a challenging course that requires a lot of dedication and effort into the work that you do, but I've been doing surprisingly well! English is where I'm most worried because my mark isn't as high as I'd like it to be and it may dip even more after the provincial exam. Not sure what to expect next semester, but I'll get through it all.

Grad stuff
On top of the regular classes all grads are expected to fill a whole bunch of requirements for graduating: graduation transitions, 30/90 hours of work experience, and student-led interviews to name the biggest ones. This winter break I just completed my 90 hours so I'll be looking to finish off my grad trans sometime soon and be free! Not sure what to expect from student-led, but from what I hear it isn't that bad and it's definitely not something I should be worrying about right now.

Uni stuff
Right now I'm applied to UBC and SFU, and I don't think I'll be trying for any other place. I applied to the science and applied sciences faculties for both schools, however I applied for early admission for UBC, so I'm really hoping that I'll get an early offer. It would really take a load off my shoulder, instill some confidence in me, and give me a very realistic goal to work towards. My application to SFU is completed, however my Major Entrance Scholarship application for them is not.

Lacking
Recently I have been feeling like a mediocre Students' Council member, and even as a student. There are some people around me who are doing some really cool and profound things and I'm kinda just flopping around going by each day. It sounds sad, but right now I've settled for mediocrity and I'm not pushing myself nearly as much as I could be. Somewhere my drive and motivation was lost, and I'm having trouble finding it. It's one of my biggest problems at the moment, if not the largest, but now that I've written it out and accepted it in a way, it feels better.

That's all!
I'm going to wrap up this post and prepare for a nice long sleep - at least until I have to get up and get ready for a day of work. I'm working on a weekly basis and it really takes a chunk out of me, physically and mentally. A long and tiring day of work has me starting the school week fatigued and a one day weekend isn't the greatest to look forward to. However I think that even working such a small amount (compared to those employed full-time) is an amazing way of stepping into a different pair of shoes, and it really does help me appreciate the hours of work my parents put in. They don't get the simple pleasure of freedom after 3:00 p.m., let alone the weekend off.

Sorry for keeping you here even though I said I was going to end the post! Until next time my friend.

There's so much to tell you

Oh, bolded headings are back...?
Yeah! For the time being at least. As I start typing away for this post, I realize that it will be difficult for you to understand exactly which paragraph falls with what topic and so on. For that reason I figured it's going to be nice to have some order to this chaos. Anyhow, get nice and comfy wherever you are, grab a nice warm drink if you can, and settle down for some time to read Kevin's terrible blog post.

The past
I have definitely covered this whole "identity crisis" on this blog, multiple times in fact, but it really is a prevalent thing that comes up all the time.

Everybody is self-conscious, and that's good! I feel as if I'm more self-conscious than most, and this stems from being teased in elementary school (and even high school) for my clothing and tendencies. It's not a sob story; the whole teasing experience was light and I enjoyed healthy relationships with others and even those who did the teasing. As a result, I put a lot of thought into my appearance and mannerisms, which has made me into a more conscientious person. I think this is one of the best things about me, if not the best (not that there is much, haha, self-deprecating humour).

A few years ago I was a person who was very outgoing and energetic. At some point (I'm not sure when) I shifted my behaviour towards being calm and collected, but in a charismatic and charming way. The reason I wanted to develop these traits was so that I could become my ideal of a good leader. I can't say that it's been a complete success, and for that reason I wonder if it would have been better to stay the way I used to be. I think about other "versions" of me in parallel universes, but ultimately I think it's futile to do so and I try to be happy that I'm me.

The present
Right now I'm... both happy and unhappy with who I am. I'm glad that I'm leading a fulfilling life, and I'm experiencing that "rosy high school life" I always longed for, but at the same time I know that there's something more. Not a better life, but a better me. I don't think the path I'm taking is one I will regret - if anything, it's something that I'm "destined" for. I suppose right now I'm in a bit of a slump or a boring part of my life, kinda like I'm waiting for the next chapter.

Life is good though. I have the privilege of attending a school where I can grow and expand my reach, I work part-time and have indispensable income, I have a loving and supporting family, and I get to share all of this with some awesome people. About two years ago I would have done anything for my current life, and now that I have it, I'm surprised that I don't feel as content as I expected. On the bright side, that means that there's still so much out for me to work towards, even if at the moment I'm not too sure what those things exactly are.

It does feel like there is something missing, and I think that something is a sense of accomplishment or significance. Though I have the opportunity to do this by leaving a legacy and mark on my school as a leader in the community, nothing I have done so far has really met the bar. It's demoralizing, but hopefully with the new year things get better.

The future
I'm always worried about the future. One of the most pressing thoughts is how my financial situation will be, say 10 years down the road. My parents have given me everything - they have dedicated the last 17+ years of their lives to my brother and I. I feel so strongly the need to repay them for their immense dedication, and it's not that I have been pressured by them to do so, it's more so that they deserve it.

With my last chapter of high school quickly coming to an end, the next arc of my life will begin with my adventures in post-secondary. The plan that has always been instilled in me is: high school -> great post-secondary institution -> well-paying career. Naturally I'd like to end up with a job that pays well and that I enjoy, but we can call that an secondary goal. I've never once doubted the integrity of this plan because it is the best way that I can make myself and my parents happy with what I have accomplished.

But really, my end goal is to live in one of those nice modern apartments with my partner and a dog, working a job I enjoy that comes with decent hours and pay, and making sure my parents are proud of what I have done. It might be hard to find an apartment that takes kindly to dogs, but the dog can wait until we get a house and move in and start a cozy little family. It's a nice image isn't it?

The lost ones
It's funny because I briefly touched on this with two of my friends on a walk - how amazing it is that we can share such brief but intimate connections with others. What seems like so many years ago, I used to go my friend's house nearly every day after school, sometimes staying for dinner (a huge thank you to the parents for putting up with me, I'm sorry I intruded so much), and at the very end of it, getting a ride home. We were so close, and now there isn't even a "Hello" in the halls.

It's a sad feeling, amplified because I am the reason why things are this way. Even when the rift is not caused by me, or maybe it's just out of our control, it's still such an immense feeling of sadness. It gnaws you to the bone whenever you think about it, and it will never leave you, for when you share those unique moments with your friends, you create memories that are irreplaceable, for better or worse.

That's not to say it's all wilted flowers and dark skies - I hardly think about the lost ones. Instead, I try to be glad that I had the chance to be something in their life, and I hope that they can remember me as I was in our favourite times together.

This blog
I'm in disbelief that it has actually been over five years since I published my first post! I've been neglecting this blog and not writing many posts or maintaining it, but I think you'll be glad to see the reappearance of a familiar theme and a brand new banner for the holiday season! My intentions were to get this post up by Christmas, but as you can see, it's already two days into 2017. With that, I hope you have all had a good holiday season, and I wish you a belated Happy New Year! Hope you'll continue to check up on this blog throughout the coming year and continue to support me through that way and more.