Just Trudging Through Life

That Moment

Have you ever felt one of those moments where you want to drop everything, lie down, and think really hard about why you are doing the things you do? I'd like to think all the things I'm doing right now, I'm just doing so that I have.. something to look forward to. Happiness maybe. But then again, I've been "happy" these past few days, although it doesn't feel like the old happiness I used to harbor inside myself. So does that mean that I'm really just getting ready for nothing? Does that mean all the things I'm doing right now will just lead to this... fake happiness? Maybe. It's one of the reasons why I wish time travel was already here. I would really do anything just to take a small peak at the future.

Sometimes I wish that life was all just some sort of silly joke and that one day I'll wake up. Not wake up like life was all a dream, but wake up as in my whole life was a simulation and I'm finally ready.

Blogging Has Slowed Down

I have to say that my little world of blogs have kind of fallen apart. Probably because we, teenagers who have minimal experience in the "real" world, don't really know what's important in life. I remember talking to another person and commenting on this one mutual "friend". I believed that this friend was stuck in her own little world and that she really didn't have a sense of what was important in life because she just hadn't developed that sense of maturity. I realize that I don't really have a sense of what's important.

Anyhow, most of my friend's blogs are dead, near dead, or just hanging in there. I'd like to say that my blog is standing up there, but hey, my blog is not great. I still have to reach that next stage of maturity before I can actually do something here. But until then, here's what I have.

Slowed Down Posts

As you can see, my last few posts have been really spread out on the calendar. It's a huge combination of I-don't-have-anything-to-write, I'm-to-lazy, and I-don't-have-a-computer. Now that I think about it, I probably will have my posting basis as weekly or near weekly.

I've only experienced little less than 11 hours of the day, but I have to say I'm feeling pretty good for once. I'm a 8. Anyhow, I'm going attend to other matters, so goodbye.

"Begin at once to live, and count each separate day as a separate life." - Seneca

Recklessness

What I'm Doing Now...

I've found high school to be an emotional battle at times. There are people you want to punch in the face. The people you just ignore. The people you like better than others. And the people that you like the most.

Philman recently put up a new post on his blog and I found it to be comforting to know that he was kind of explaining it to me in a way. In a way I've inspired his latest post. How I took his post was that it was perfectly fine to have a relationship in high school, but not until you were ready in all ways.

I'm not ready, but have I done what Phil has gone against? Yeah, I'd have to say for the most part I have. I've done a lot of reckless things and I know I have, but Phil has kind of shone a new light on it.

But after all, what is life without a bit of recklessness?

If I Had To Choose Between Who, What, When, Where, And Why...

In most cases, it's difficult to choose just one thing, and even more difficult when there are more options. I've thought about this a lot and eventually concluded that out of those five choices, I would put my bet on Why. Already you can see why I picked why. It's natural for humans to wonder why once they hear something they don't know about it. Like you might have thought, "Why?" when I said that my choice was Why. Just something for you to think about.

Goodnight

I originally wrote the title of this topic with a little (: to go with it, but I decided against it for some reason. If you wanted to know why I haven't been blogging for a while, it's because I've been off my computer, but I'm finally "reunited" with it.

Today I'm an 8. I feel decent now and I think I've caught up with life for the most part. I just feel really reckless now hearing Philman's words. Anyhow, you should check out Phil's post if you haven't already. It helps to tie in with this post.

"Each time you love, love deeply as if it were forever." - Audre Lorde

I Feel Like I'm Losing

I'm Losing

It feels like I'm just losing a lot of things that I used to take for granted. I used to take friendship for granted, and I don't know if it's my fault if I'm not friends with that person anymore, or if I just wasn't supposed to be friends with that person in the first place.

Along with friends, it also feels like I'm losing track of what I'm really supposed to do in life. I mean, yeah, I can go through life as it is right now, but it doesn't seem to have the spark that it used to have.

I think what I can't really stand is the fact that all these things mean that I am becoming nobody.

Nobody

At the beginning of the school year, I was somebody. People liked me for what they saw in those few first weeks of high school. Those weeks were the best and probably won't be bested by any other weeks at the beginning of a school year.

Now it's like everybody knows everybody and everybody is comfortable around everybody, but I'm just unhappy for some reason. I shouldn't be, but for some reason I am.

Feel Like A Prick (And Probably Am One)

I have one friend who's really like me. I'm surprised we share a lot of thoughts, although he is able to be more serious than I can be at times and has a deeper well of thought. This friend messaged me after school talking about a problem and I said a few words to try to help out. The thing is, if the situation that he was in was also forced on me, I would be feeling the exact same way. I would feel, well, terrible.

Blogging, like most things in life, makes me feel like a prick. A lot of stuff does. It's impossible to go through life without feeling like you're trying to be a jerk to everybody else. I'm a 5.

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anais Nin

Haven't Blogged In A Bit

Updates

Hooray for updates on Kevin's life (not really)! So let's get started shall we?

Anyways, first things first, I haven't blogged in a while, so I decided to open up the Blogger control panel and write up a post (which is what I'm doing right now).

Continuing on with updates, I've decided to go visit Army Cadets next week because I've been really interested in joining cadets and I didn't really want to join Air Cadets. So that's going to be another part of the life of Kevin (reminds me, I have to watch The Life of Pi).

I've also decided to join a website creating contest with my good friend Benson. I think it'll be a good time and I'll actually get to learn some coding for good use whereas before I was just a mediocre coder. Hopefully Benson and I will get somewhere with this.

Speaking of competitions, a chess competition that I joined a few years back is coming up pretty soon, but I haven't played chess in such a long time that I would have probably killed myself at the tournament in embarrassment. Now that I realize I've really gotten bad at chess I want to get better.

Speaking of getting better at things, I want to get better at being an athlete, which involves exercising more often, so I'll probably think up of a exercise schedule in the next few weeks of my life. Or not. 

Reading Some Blogs

I just finished taking a blog writing break and decided to skim through some blogs of friends that I have bookmarked. I now admit that some of these blogs really have nothing that is worth reading.

But heck, my blog has nothing worth reading, yet I wonder if people actually read my blog or if they just skim through it like I do to other people.

Don't come up to me and ask me if I was talking about your blog. I'm not pointing fingers at anybody but myself for not coming up with things that are actually worthwhile to write and ponder about.

Finishing Up

I'm going to finish up this post and try to catch up on my lack of sleep. Honestly, don't bother even reading my blog if you don't like what I write on this blog. I personally find it hard to solidly read through uninteresting content, and my blog is for sure uninteresting at most times.

I'm an 8 today. I feel a large improvement in health (I've been sick this past week and I woke up last night at 5:00 AM coughing horribly and I couldn't stop until I somehow coughed myself to sleep) because I finally stopped coughing and now it's just a mild cold. I'm finished all my homework and for once in life everything seems to be nice.

"Lost love is still love, Eddie. It takes a different form, that's all. You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it." - Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven