I'm Boring

After A While

I get really boring around people that I spend a lot of time with. There's this one point where it just starts going downhill and I can't find any topics to talk about and my responses are little more than the obligatory "Yeah." The funny thing is that I get fed up with these people. I'm thinking, Why are you still here? and I'm too soft to say that I don't want to talk anymore.

Simply put, over time Kevin grows old and he's not original anymore. He's just another part of your normal and ordinary routine. Take him in small doses.

But really. Why keep on talking to me? It makes me wary of an ulterior motive that you could be hiding up your sleeve.

My Superpower...

If you could have any superpower, which one would you choose?

Definitely the ability to read minds. When I'm around a certain group of people that I know well, I put on the persona that fits the situation that I'm in (and I'm sure many others also). However if I'm around somebody new, I don't know what to do. I kind of go into "default" mode and try a bit of everything getting to know that person.

But still, you never know what others are thinking. While mind reading can get really out of hand, I think that I'd enjoy having that superpower. I really really really want that actually.

Amnesia

I kind of want to get amnesia. Poking around with the possibilities, I concluded that it would be interesting (of course, this is from my current perspective). Of course, if I did lose my memory, I'm confident that I'd want to get them back (I'm just that type of person). But toying around with the idea of being able to restart in a way made me realize how much I want to know what the pure and unbiased Kevin is like.

I've been influenced by everything. Media. Literature. Friends. Everything that I've come in contact with has changed me in a way. I wonder if I'd still like the things I like right now after losing my memory. Really makes you think hard about it.

Goodnight ^^

Provincials DONE AND OVER WITH. Time to go to sleep and prepare myself for semester two (band tomorrow morning though, what a great way to start off the semester). Tonight feels like a really off night. Maybe I'm just mad at everybody for my own stupid reasons.

Dropping from an 8 to a 6. I don't know.

"Because things are the way they are, things will not stay the way they are." - Bertolt Brecht

Weird Dream

Just Me Being Stupid

I had this really weird dream last night. It involved this person (not in that way, please) and later on four demonic spawn of hell, but the part that I wanted to focus on was the person part. For some reason (title of this paragraph says it all) I feel like the person who was in my dream also had the same dream. JUST ME BEING STUPID (have to say it again, now that I just realized what I typed).

The person and I were in the same science class (weird because I don't share any science classes with other grade nines) and we were told to flip our textbooks to the unit preview. My dream memories are usually vague, but I'm pretty sure it was something about insects or something like that (which might have brought on the hell spawn second dream). Anyhow Person (I'll refer to the person of interest as "Person") comes over and fusses with my hair for a bit. Then Person says something about how I've contracted something something (I have really bad memories of my dreams okay?) and then starts rubbing or patting my cheek or something.

I started crying and Person just kept on continuing with it. I was really happy though, and they were tears of joy and relief.

Going For A Walk

It's another one of those nights. Everything's all messy and confusing.

8. Goodnight everybody.

"Not to engage in the pursuit of ideas is to live like ants instead of men." - Mortimer Adler

Hooray: Korean BBQ

I Smell Like Korean BBQ

Got home from a long day out with some friends at a Korean BBQ place. Everybody and anybody who went there discovered that they smelled strongly of the restaurant, but hey, that's what we got for staying for hours. Still, I'd say it was all worth it and would do it again in a heartbeat. All the terrible photos of me, the very suggestive ones of others, the under-the-table leg grabs, everything. It was just really a nice time, especially for me (but please, burn those photos) since I felt accepted as a part of the grade 10's for once.

Shout out to the birthday girl, Annie.

I'm glad I went.

Break Has Been Great

I completely take back everything I said about break in the last post. I actually really like it. I've gotten the chance to meet and become friends (and if already friends, better friends) with new people and... well, nothing bad has really happened yet. So I'm sorry for any bashing on my part (insert generic sad face here).

An absolutely fun day today. 9. Goodnight all.

"When you are through changing, you are through." - Bruce Barton

Blech. Semester Break

So Much For BREAK

It turns out that I have to go for chem and math tutorial days throughout the semester "break", so that kind of puts me in a grumpy (not really) mood. Even though I do get to skip out on the other five hours of school, I do wish that I don't have to go in at all for the math classes, since I don't see the value in going. However, they might prove me wrong and maybe I won't have the worst time of my life.

But semester two is coming, so I'm really pumped up for that because it means new courses and a new kind of start. While the looming report cards are really nerve-wracking, I can't help but think that everything will be better later on.

That of course, is the optimistic Kevin speaking. Logically I have not the slightest idea where I'm headed.

Moving On

Yes, it makes me sad if somebody from my elementary school asks how I've been doing and how I've "moved on", because I really did try to get a grip on the life I wanted at Tech before my fate was sealed. If I see somebody from some other high school having a great time, I get immensely jealous, which sets off my "What if I had gone to that school?" train of thought. Kind of a spur-of-the-moment thing. I dislike it when people say that I've "moved on" because there is that degree of truth in it and it makes me unhappy.

And there's my useless and meaningless spiel of the day.

Thanks For The Check Up

As I continue to write this blog it feels more and more that if you're a reader, then you're the one who's checking up on me. One of my goals is to provide a nice blog (haha, it's funny since I can't) and something for the reader to really enjoy, but it gets difficult with all the jokes that my friends make. Honestly I dislike watching people read my blog, since the way I express my ideas here are vastly different than in life.

Goodnight all. Hope you'll have a nice break. I'm an 8 today.

"First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity." - George Bernard Shaw

Konbanwa (Good Evening In Japanese)

Depressing Type Of Music

My friend sent me this really amazing AMV and since then I've been kind of rewinding the song and just listening to it ever since. The anime looks really interesting as well (there's another one to the backlog) and I'll be sure to put it on top of my to-watch. Of course listening to this type of song gets me really moody and I start over thinking things (or maybe it isn't over thinking).

So I've decided to throw myself a pity party, seeing that I haven't written a post in my diary (I have neglected to because it's on the last page and I refuse to have a full diary without another one ready to have feels spilled on). Go away if you don't really like this type of stuff. I don't feel like myself tonight. Let's put the blame on music shall we?

I Hate Photos

Ever since the first bad picture, there has been hate on photos (for sure). I personally really dislike taking them, since it might paint an inaccurate idea of what was going on at that exact moment of time, but then again, the same could be said the other way. Typically I have really bad pictures, so I shy away from them as much as I can.

Another reason why I dislike photos is because it shows change. Seeing people who I might not talk to anymore and seeing them move on makes me feel like I was just nothing in their life. Yes, I know for sure that I have done something to their life, but the thing I don't know is if they want things to go back to the way they are. I think out of all the things that bug me in life, the inability to know what others are thinking gets to me the most.

So when I do see a photo like that it just makes me feel about 10 times worse about everything.

Wow I'm Stupid.

"YES. HE FINALLY FIGURES IT OUT."

Ugh. It's like everything that I've done to deserve my life right now has been bad on my part. The whole chem thing, getting into fights with her and her and so many others. I refuse to fix things, and I leave them the way they are because of my ignorance. Then I see those people and how much more happier they are without me. Every part of me screams about how they're just putting on a mask, but yeah, I think to some extent they probably are much happier without me.

I was walking out around a few days back. I came across this sidewalk and there were dog prints in it (poor dog, stepping in wet cement). Me being the depressing me, I thought up an analogy. Maybe the paw prints was an indication of my presence in a person's life. Essentially what it means is that the sidewalk is life, and the prints are when I have affected it.

The prints ended relatively soon. In fact, it's kind of scary that it kind of did represent my friend's life. I walked desperately up the rest of the sidewalk up the end (which means death) looking for more prints, but all I found were small ones that crossed horizontally (so something like a class reuinion). Near the end the cement started getting speckly and weird looking, so I called it near-death sickness (how morbid).

I reached the end, turned left and continued on with my own life.

Uhm... Nice Weather We're Having

Lately the night seems very appealing. I've always wanted to share one of my walks with somebody, and just have a real conversation about everything. Not surprisingly I have made up fantasies about just bumping into somebody while on my late night walks and then exchanging life stories. But that has yet to come true. I guess I have to keep walking around.

As for where I walk around... I kind of just go where I feel like going. If I want to just get away from everything for a while, I'll try to get myself lost or in an unfamiliar place. If I'm feeling really moody I'll just cross Hastings and hang around the Gilmore neighbourhood. Still have yet to return to Begbie. I'm a 7 tonight. Thanks again for reading, and until the next post.

"From the end springs new beginnings." - Pliny the Elder

Almost End Of Semester

Hooray Right?

While I am glad to be finishing off a bunch of my courses, I'm also kind of anxious to what awaits me in the future courses. There's also the pressing matter of course selection coming up soon and with that there's all this extra stuff that I really would just like to push away.

As of the past few days I've been taking walks at night regularly. I pass by my friends' places and think back on our friendship and how it was and how it is now. The night's really nice, and even though it's kind of chilly even through a toque, scarf, and jacket, the chill is nice. Yesterday I think it was somewhat of a full moon, but I don't know enough about astronomy to tell you confidently. It started fogging up half an hour to midnight, so I headed home then.

Alternate Universes (Skip If You Wish)

There's quite a few theories that are around alternate universes. Sometime this week my friends and I got into an engaging talk about time travel/alternate universes during lunch and it still has me thinking. We don't really think too much about it, but I personally think it's amazing that there is the possibility of another identical Kevin, or how every choice you make could branch off into a new alternate world. I mean, your choice to read this blog alone is already affecting your life. Maybe there's a you that hasn't read this blog. There might be a you that just hasn't read this post, but has read others.

The ideas that revolve around this theory alone are endless, and it makes me feel so small and insignificant, the whole thing is just so... I can't put a word to it. Sorry, brain's kind of dead from the chem test that I (finally) finished today.

Thanks For Reading

Yes, that is it for this post. Thanks a lot for stopping by, I know I haven't really posted in the last bit. Just a lot of figuring out things, school, friends, family, and my life included.

Goodnight my fellow internet dwellers. Hope you've had a nice day. Myself... I'm a 9 today.

"Never reach out your hand unless you're willing to extend an arm." - Pope Paul VI

I Wish I Were The Moon

Final One

If you have been watching intently on these past three posts to see what type of games I was willing to share here, and you have been waiting to see the game that I hold in the highest regard (out of the three of course), then here it is. The last of the three games is indeed I wish I were the Moon.

While it definitely does sound like a really long and deep type of game, the former assumption is wrong. The game itself is short, but it manages to pack enough emotion in a little game. Wildly thrown into the game you have no idea what to do for the first few seconds. Upon a bit of messing around you find that you are able to click to take a "picture" of whatever is in the frame. However you are allowed to move the snapshot and place it accordingly so you can change the story.

Yes, I know, it kind of does resemble the last game, Today I Die in ways. However for some reason I am definitely more partial to I wish I were the Moon. It speaks to me in a way that Today I Die cannot, presumably because I have never been really all that depressed. There are seven endings that you can achieve through changing the overall picture, some tragic and others happy. Getting all endings took me a while, but I got them. Like the other games, I wish I were the Moon takes patience.

The game is available to play on Kongregate. If you're still focused on why I wish I were the Moon and Today I Die are both somewhat similar, you'll be glad to hear that they are indeed by the same author: Daniel Benmergui, who has also developed other games (that I'll be sure to try out later on).

ESO Beta

Funny story. It turns out I was invited to an Elder Scrolls Online beta testing for this weekend, but I just saw the email yesterday, so I ended up quickly trying to patch ESO (ended up taking four hours) and finally got some playing time. I'm under obligation to not disclose any information about what happens in the beta, but I will say that I am having a great time trying out the game. Anyhow, just wanted to share that if you've been wondering what I have been doing.

Besides that I've also been investing more time into another small game called Realm of the Mad God. Interesting how I use my time eh? I'd much rather be doing other stuff, but volleyball season isn't starting until a month later at the least. So ESO, Realm of the Mad God, and Osu! are just the things that I do to kill time off.

Goodnight

Time again to write off another post. Thanks to everybody who's been following along with the whole game thing. Hopefully I'll remember to find another game to review soon (I've had fun writing these), but for the next while there probably won't be any.

Today I'm a 7. Chem test coming up soon and I figure that I can't keep on being an 8 (well, I can, but I won't). Until next time it is then.

"Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly." - P.J. O'Rourke

Today I Die

Second Game, Here We Go

I will begin this post with a clarification. I am in no way planning to die today. Today I Die is actually the title of the game that I'll be sharing with you today. So let's just jump into this one today shall we?

The game is quite unusual from the start. You start off with a girl who is floating at the bottom of the ocean, seemingly dead. Words are strewn across the screen and in order to figure out her story and save her at the same time, you'll have to replace the words and change the meaning of everything.

A lot of intuition is required and I can tell you that I absolutely did not go close to finishing the game on my first time. Based on my own experience, I think that patience is a must if you want to play Today I Die. The whole "intuition" thing isn't difficult at all, but the meaning behind what you're doing is what matters (if that makes sense).

Today I Die is another really short game. These three games you'll be able to finish in no time. While I did like the way Today I Die felt, and the whole "how one word can change everything" idea, I feel that the game fell short of being something more. I would like to see a longer and more in depth version of Today I Die, but I'm also extremely content with the way it is now. The game was developed by Daniel Benmergui and it is free to try at his site.

Once Again: Perception And Reality (Kinda)

I've definitely put up something about perception and reality in the past for this blog, but that's somewhere lost in the archives. Anyhow, lately I've been dealing more and more with this kind of perception and reality thing. Humans use their senses to develop an understanding of reality, but there are things that the single person cannot see. For example, I see this person who is really sad and wants to commit suicide. Do I know if that person actually wants to go through with it? Or is it all just a ploy for attention?

At a certain point it gets dangerous, especially when the situation at hand can lead to something terrible. As for the example above, I would've just treated it as a serious attempt. I think it's better to trust and regret than to doubt and regret. That way at least you don't have guilt hanging over you.

This kind of stuff happens in different scales. Sometimes it's just a person pretending to be down and other times it's like what I said before, suicide-related. Either way though, I'd trust that person just because I think it's the right thing to do.

Goodnight All

So for the end of this post I'll leave you with an image of Koko Kaga from Golden Time that (for some reason) makes me think of Kyou Fujibayashi. Really hope that you have had a nice time here at Kevin's blog and I also hope that you somewhat enjoyed the game review, the perception-reality thing, or both.

I'm (guess) an 8 for today. It's been a really busy week for me and I'll be glad when semester two comes around. Anyhow, to end this post I'll leave you with the usual thanks, and I'll see you in the next (and the last of the three game review) post. Night.

"Freedom is nothing but a chance to be better." - Albert Camus

A Small Talk At The Back Of Beyond

Game Number One

So to make up for my lack of competence in finding a game that was suitable to write about in this blog I will be writing about three games over the span of the next three posts. After a bit of looking around I settled on three games that I thought I really enjoyed playing. All of them are different in their own way, but overall they tie in together with their uniqueness. For this post I'll be talking about A small talk at the back of beyond.

To begin with, I want to say that this game is my third choice. Continuing on, A small talk at the back of beyond is a puzzle game. However there is only one question: Where are you? You start off in a room and all you have is yourself and artificial intelligence that calls itself LDAC. However as you continue to ask more and more questions about where you are and what happened, you find LDAC suspicious.

Enough with my poor synopsis for this game. Like most games on this blog, it's really really really short, so you'll be finished in no time. The game really seemed to have a weird feel about it, and to me that was a really great feature about it. Another thing that I liked was how you had control over your options, albeit how limited the word choice may have been. The story was nice as far as games this short could get, and overall it was an enjoyable play.

The game was created by scriptwelder, who coincidentally also developed other games that I have thoroughly enjoyed. You can play it here.

A Somewhat Short Post Today

I have to get up early tomorrow (senior band), so I'll be going to bed now. Erm... I hope you enjoyed the first "review" kind of thing. Really not a lot of that has been done as of late, so I want to start getting back into that routine of finding games that I'd like to share with you.

Thanks for reading this post. Hope that you'll check back here for the next one (and the next game). As for when the next post will come out... you can probably expect it two days from now or something along those lines. I'm an 8 today. Honestly there's no other number that I feel like being, so don't worry about me just not caring about that anymore. I really do, it's just that 8 has been my number for a long time.

"While we are postponing, life speeds by." - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

MIGHT Be New Stuff

Ideas (That Most Likely Will Fail)

If you've been in my life for a while now or you have worked closely with me for projects, you'll know that most of my ideas tend to fail. Whether it's a browser game, a novel, whatever, it fails. It's to the point where there is just so much failure that I don't even know what I've actually done right. At this point I can't tell if it's just a lack of experience, commitment, or time (probably one of the first two though).

So here's my "great" idea (if you want to skip this part just click here, since this has a high chance of failing). This blog is kind of... plain. It's a bad attempt at a personal blog since, well, really nothing important happens in my life. Sure, it may seem like something big to me, and while it even may be like that to others my age, the reality is that my problems are unimportant to the world.

I remember reading somewhere about a rule of thumb when it comes to measuring importance. Thanks to my terrible memory, I don't know where or who it was from, but I can roughly repeat the general message of the quote. If it doesn't matter in a year, it's not important. As usual, there will be other minds that oppose to this style of thinking, but I do think that it works for a lot of cases.

Wow, I am off topic. Anyhow... my idea is to write up a post that features something every week or so. An example would be reviewing a game (I keep finding excuses to not do a review, sorry) on a particular day of the week, or something along the lines of that. Then when I think about it more closely, I realize that you may or may not want that in a personal blog, so then I start planning in my head for a completely new blog. While that does throw away the original purpose of spicing this blog up, some people may appreciate that kind of stuff.

Really, that's all I have now. If anything comes up I'll be sure to talk about it in the next post, but that's it for today. I keep on making attempts at projects but I never follow through with the plan. Might just be my inexperience. By the way, please just ignore the photo (I recently finished Toradora!). I haven't put one up in an incredibly long duration of time so it's just random.

Fun Day

While I didn't get any chem done (actually, I have gotten none of it done over the break), I did have a relatively fun day with a group of my friends. We arranged to meet and grab bubble tea and ended up sticking around the place for two and a half hours talking and enjoying a game of Dutch Blitz. Like the party that was held last week, I feel really glad that I went.

Most of the stuff has been the same. Provincial. Chem. Friends. Break has been a repeat for me (excluding the fact that I've binged on anime throughout it). To some degree I'm welcoming the return of school. To top off this post (or should I say bottom since it's the bottom of the post... haha, I'm not funny) I am a 9 today. Thanks very much for sticking around all this time and I hope you'll join me in the next post.

"You cannot create experience. You must undergo it." - Albert Camus