My friend sent me this really amazing AMV and since then I've been kind of rewinding the song and just listening to it ever since. The anime looks really interesting as well (there's another one to the backlog) and I'll be sure to put it on top of my to-watch. Of course listening to this type of song gets me really moody and I start over thinking things (or maybe it isn't over thinking).
So I've decided to throw myself a pity party, seeing that I haven't written a post in my diary (I have neglected to because it's on the last page and I refuse to have a full diary without another one ready to have feels spilled on). Go away if you don't really like this type of stuff. I don't feel like myself tonight. Let's put the blame on music shall we?
I Hate Photos
Ever since the first bad picture, there has been hate on photos (for sure). I personally really dislike taking them, since it might paint an inaccurate idea of what was going on at that exact moment of time, but then again, the same could be said the other way. Typically I have really bad pictures, so I shy away from them as much as I can.
Another reason why I dislike photos is because it shows change. Seeing people who I might not talk to anymore and seeing them move on makes me feel like I was just nothing in their life. Yes, I know for sure that I have done something to their life, but the thing I don't know is if they want things to go back to the way they are. I think out of all the things that bug me in life, the inability to know what others are thinking gets to me the most.
So when I do see a photo like that it just makes me feel about 10 times worse about everything.
Wow I'm Stupid.
"YES. HE FINALLY FIGURES IT OUT."
Ugh. It's like everything that I've done to deserve my life right now has been bad on my part. The whole chem thing, getting into fights with her and her and so many others. I refuse to fix things, and I leave them the way they are because of my ignorance. Then I see those people and how much more happier they are without me. Every part of me screams about how they're just putting on a mask, but yeah, I think to some extent they probably are much happier without me.
I was walking out around a few days back. I came across this sidewalk and there were dog prints in it (poor dog, stepping in wet cement). Me being the depressing me, I thought up an analogy. Maybe the paw prints was an indication of my presence in a person's life. Essentially what it means is that the sidewalk is life, and the prints are when I have affected it.
The prints ended relatively soon. In fact, it's kind of scary that it kind of did represent my friend's life. I walked desperately up the rest of the sidewalk up the end (which means death) looking for more prints, but all I found were small ones that crossed horizontally (so something like a class reuinion). Near the end the cement started getting speckly and weird looking, so I called it near-death sickness (how morbid).
I reached the end, turned left and continued on with my own life.
Uhm... Nice Weather We're Having
Lately the night seems very appealing. I've always wanted to share one of my walks with somebody, and just have a real conversation about everything. Not surprisingly I have made up fantasies about just bumping into somebody while on my late night walks and then exchanging life stories. But that has yet to come true. I guess I have to keep walking around.
As for where I walk around... I kind of just go where I feel like going. If I want to just get away from everything for a while, I'll try to get myself lost or in an unfamiliar place. If I'm feeling really moody I'll just cross Hastings and hang around the Gilmore neighbourhood. Still have yet to return to Begbie. I'm a 7 tonight. Thanks again for reading, and until the next post.
"From the end springs new beginnings." - Pliny the Elder
No comments:
Post a Comment