her <3

She strikes me across my face.

"Look at you, you worthless sack of sh*t."

I slump further into my chair and feel the sting of her blow. What am I doing? It's Thursday night, my assignment is due tomorrow, and I'm here watching a video of a guy describing different varieties of cheese.

She glares at me and says, "At least get up and shower, you literally haven't for the last four days." After a painful tug on my hair she walks away. I wince as I scratch the area she tugged on. She was having one of her bad days again. I sigh and get up from my chair to head towards the shower.

After an hour of showering I hop out. I look at myself in the mirror. My cheek glows red from her strike. That's going to bruise tomorrow. I divert my attention downwards. My belly visibly protrudes, a stark comparison to the near six-pack I used to have. When did I gain so much weight? It was only last summer I was running with her daily and going to the gym.

Lost in thought, she bursts through the door. "Ah you finally took a shower," she says. She grins and steps over to my side. With one hand she pinches my belly and with her other she playfully shoves me. "Let's see how much fatter you've gotten," she says tightening her grip. It hurts and hurts but she shows no signs of stopping. Just before I have to say something she lets go and disappears as quickly as she came.

If it weren't for the lingering pain in my left side I might've thought she was never there.

After the shower I start work on the assignment. She walks past me and casually glances at the section I'm on. An hour later I am stuck on the same problem. She pops up by my side and looks at my work. "Holy you're dumber than I thought. Even that guy from your class said this part would only take five minutes."

I brush her off and keep working. She leaves, but what she said stays with me.

After some more struggling I finally understand and complete the problem. If I had started this even a day ago maybe I'd be in a much better spot. Sleeping in class doesn't help either, but she occasionally keeps me up at night.

Anyways, that's enough for work for tonight. I need to get some sleep for tomorrow, or at least that's what she says. I crawl into bed to find her out cold already. She's kicked off the blankets in her sleep, so I gently tuck them back around her and slide into bed next to her.

Goodnight.

I'm jostled out of my sleep, and as I come to I make out her figure in the darkness of the room. She's on top of me and my face feels as if she had slapped me throughout the night. "Time to get up for school! Can't wait till you have another horrible day of feeling mediocre and useless!" 

She leans towards my face and her hair falls over me. The sweet scent of the strawberry shampoo I use invades my nose as she pulls up to my ear and whispers, "Or is today finally the day you do the world a favour and off yourself?" I can hear the grin and excitement in her voice.

She intertwines her right hand with my left and places a flashlight - no, a pistol in my right hand. With her hand wrapped around mine she puts the barrel to my temple. To be honest, in this moment, right here, right now, I want nothing more but to pull that trigger, but then she would win, and I can't lose yet. I shrug her off and turn on the light.

I get up and wash my face. The bruise I was expecting on my cheek says good morning to me.

"Hey," her head pokes out from the bathroom doorway, quickly followed by the rest of her body. She comes up to my side and wraps her arms around my side in a side hug. She looks at our reflection and smiles.

"You look good today. Sometimes I forget how attractive you are." She tip toes and gives me a peck on my cheek. "Come on, let's go make some breakfast for us."

I glance at the mirror on the way out and the bruise is gone.

We head to school together, her head dozing off on my shoulder on the bus there. Off the bus we walk to class hand in hand. My friends always talk about how perfect we are together and how envious they are. With the memory of her lips on my skin, I feel pretty lucky to have her in my life.

I get my midterm mark back for one of my classes and she asks about it when we have lunch together. "You barely passed? Jesus dude, how stupid are you?" She grabs her bag and gets up. "I can't be seen with somebody as dumb as you." I eat the rest of my lunch by myself, in silence.

After slogging through the rest of the school day I finally arrive home. I enter the living room and find her sitting in my chair, twiddling her thumbs. She jolts up when she sees me.

"Hi."

A stand of her hair falls in front of her face and she nervously brushes it away.

"Sorry for earlier today. I didn't mean it."

Yeah, it's okay, I know you didn't.

She beams at my forgiveness and runs over to hug me. Her arms wrap around my back and I can feel the warmth of her breath as she speaks.

"You'll do better next time, I know you will."

She snuggles her head into my chest and my heart thaws once more. Maybe this time. Maybe this time things will change.

"We need each other. You need me. I need you."

We need each other. You need me. I need you.

I need you.

I raise my hand up to stroke her hair and she strikes me across the face.

"Look at you, you worthless sack of sh*t."

I need her <3