How Does One Comfort?
I don't typically comfort people. Usually other people look to their other friends for comforting needs, but on the rare occasion they do look for me... I don't know what to do. I wouldn't say I'm a bad "comforter", but usually the situation at hand doesn't call for me to comfort somebody.
But there are always those moments. I came face to face with a situation where a person was sad and I asked her friend if he could comfort her. He said that he didn't really know what words to say, and I replied with the same thing, since I didn't really know what to say either, but she just looked so incredibly sad. Crushed. Down. Depressed. Seeing her that way, instead of her usual smile kind of dampened the mood around the people surrounding her, so I decided to try and comfort her.
So I walked with her a little after school (which is when I saw her). I admit it was kind of weird, but in retrospect I don't regret it. I didn't really know I was trying to comfort her. It was more of a natural thing, and I like how I was able to just talk and not think too hard about what I was trying to do. I don't know what type of effect I had in the end, or what that girl is now thinking, but I'm really pleased with how I handled that situation.
I'm Bad At Reading People
It was my really ignorant belief that I knew how to read people and what they were thinking. Even now, I still have this tiny voice at the back of my head saying, "I can read anybody and anything at anytime.", but I know better than that. Anyways, one reason I was in a bad mood not too long ago was because this one random person just decides to friend me after a quick meeting and then the next morning, poof, unfriended.
Let's get some things straight here though. I do not care that this person unfriended me. Honestly, that is not even any part of the problem. I could not care less, and I am not exaggerating this because I'm in denial, I actually don't really mind it (that just makes me sound more in denial doesn't it?). However (there it is), I want to know why this person did this. Was it a mistake? Does she just not want to talk to me? And if it something like that, why in the world would you not tell me? So I was just confused and angry at myself for being confused.
A Lot To Say
I've had quite a mouthful to say these past few days (that rhymes). Hopefully things will quiet down (although at times I wish that life was livelier, weird right) and I will come back with some legitimate topics to discuss besides me failing to read people and trying to comfort others.
Golfing tomorrow morning. Fun (sarcasm). I'm an 8 today though.
"Be thine own palace, or thy world's thy jail." - John Donne
October 28, 2013
October 27, 2013
Perception
Perception Against Meaning: Which One Means More?
A lot of the times when we say something, we have a different meaning behind it, but the receiver perceives it differently. Lately whenever I'm meaning to give thanks to somebody in my household, I've had the urge to say it in Japanese instead of Chinese (you can thank anime influence for that). The thing is, I kind of have more meaning behind the Japanese term than the Chinese term. Maybe it's because the Chinese thank you is just another word that slips effortlessly out of my mouth and doesn't mean much to me, whereas the Japanese thank you is actually something I'm intrigued with, because it's new and it takes more effort to say it.
I'm quite sure that my family members enjoy hearing the Chinese version, since they don't even know what I'm saying, assuming I've said the Japanese form, but then that leads me to the question that I've mentioned in the heading. Which one means more? My meaning behind my words, or the way my family perceives what I'm saying? I enjoy expanding my Japanese vocabulary little by little every time those words in anime become more frequent and have more meaning to them, so I personally believe that this is somewhat beneficial to me.
Nostalgia.
This word was first introduced (or explained) to me a long time ago, by a very good friend of mine. He was talking about how he felt "nostalgic" for Minecraft Alpha and I didn't know the definition of the word yet. So he taught me a bit about it, and to this day I still get what nostalgic means by remembering what happened that day.
Do I feel nostalgic for my days in elementary school? It feels like everything that is happening to me is just pressing down and squishing me, so it'd be natural if I wanted to just take a step out and breathe freely for a bit. But I wonder if I felt that way (carefree) in elementary school. Maybe I was just worried about different things that seemed big to me at the time, but now probably are very small problems compared to my current ones. If I was able to go back and just relive grade seven, I would.
What Do I Want?
I don't know. By the time I figure it out, it's always too late. There probably isn't a solution to this problem, but then again, I've just been accepting things passively lately. I might have just tried to hard to fight back and rebel against things in the past and now I've kind of just given up. For sure it makes things much easier on me, but then again, I've given up.
I am done for today. It was a good day overall and I've cheered up considerably from last night (thank you for sticking with me in my bad times). However there are still problems floating around in the air, so I'm slightly lower than what I usually am. But I'm still a 7 type of person today.
"Faith is taking the first step even when you can't see the whole staircase." - Martin Luther King, Jr.
A lot of the times when we say something, we have a different meaning behind it, but the receiver perceives it differently. Lately whenever I'm meaning to give thanks to somebody in my household, I've had the urge to say it in Japanese instead of Chinese (you can thank anime influence for that). The thing is, I kind of have more meaning behind the Japanese term than the Chinese term. Maybe it's because the Chinese thank you is just another word that slips effortlessly out of my mouth and doesn't mean much to me, whereas the Japanese thank you is actually something I'm intrigued with, because it's new and it takes more effort to say it.
I'm quite sure that my family members enjoy hearing the Chinese version, since they don't even know what I'm saying, assuming I've said the Japanese form, but then that leads me to the question that I've mentioned in the heading. Which one means more? My meaning behind my words, or the way my family perceives what I'm saying? I enjoy expanding my Japanese vocabulary little by little every time those words in anime become more frequent and have more meaning to them, so I personally believe that this is somewhat beneficial to me.
Nostalgia.
This word was first introduced (or explained) to me a long time ago, by a very good friend of mine. He was talking about how he felt "nostalgic" for Minecraft Alpha and I didn't know the definition of the word yet. So he taught me a bit about it, and to this day I still get what nostalgic means by remembering what happened that day.
Do I feel nostalgic for my days in elementary school? It feels like everything that is happening to me is just pressing down and squishing me, so it'd be natural if I wanted to just take a step out and breathe freely for a bit. But I wonder if I felt that way (carefree) in elementary school. Maybe I was just worried about different things that seemed big to me at the time, but now probably are very small problems compared to my current ones. If I was able to go back and just relive grade seven, I would.
What Do I Want?
I don't know. By the time I figure it out, it's always too late. There probably isn't a solution to this problem, but then again, I've just been accepting things passively lately. I might have just tried to hard to fight back and rebel against things in the past and now I've kind of just given up. For sure it makes things much easier on me, but then again, I've given up.
I am done for today. It was a good day overall and I've cheered up considerably from last night (thank you for sticking with me in my bad times). However there are still problems floating around in the air, so I'm slightly lower than what I usually am. But I'm still a 7 type of person today.
"Faith is taking the first step even when you can't see the whole staircase." - Martin Luther King, Jr.
October 26, 2013
There's Nobody.
I Can Keep Searching Though
There is nobody I can talk to. I don't think that there ever was, and even if there was, it must have been such a long time ago. It feels like there is really nobody in my life who I can confide my secrets to. Recently I've taken up the habit of talking to complete strangers and telling them about my life problems and asking for help. Obviously I have no problem talking to people about my problems anonymously, so what is the real problem here?
Does this mean that I just don't like being attached to those problems as a person? Does it mean that I do not like being a person who is considered to have problems and difficulty in life? Maybe I want to show myself as an independent and strong person, but it seems like that foundation is slowly falling down with the days and things that happen.
Hopefully there will be somebody who I actually know who I can confide to. I've just been searching. Maybe I didn't know, but that might be the root of why I've been doing the things I have been doing. It might be why I have this desperate will to find new friends. I don't know.
Something More Substantial
The internet is not enough. In fact, I have grown tired and depressed and dreary every time I come in contact with social media. It's the same thing day in day out. Nothing ever changes. It makes my life... somewhat unbearable. I sound too dramatic don't I? I am probably over exaggerating things. If you scaled what I'm "feeling" right now about two times down, then that's more likely it.
So I'll be looking for something to take my mind off things and use up most of my energy. There's nothing on the internet for me anymore.
Goodbye.
Sorry for feeling mopey these past few days. There have just been a string of "depressing" events. Great timing eh? I apologize again. Maybe I just won't post until I'm feeling better.
Low 5. You could bump it up to a low 6. Blame the mood swings and negative thinking.
"Nothing will work unless you do." - Maya Angelou
There is nobody I can talk to. I don't think that there ever was, and even if there was, it must have been such a long time ago. It feels like there is really nobody in my life who I can confide my secrets to. Recently I've taken up the habit of talking to complete strangers and telling them about my life problems and asking for help. Obviously I have no problem talking to people about my problems anonymously, so what is the real problem here?
Does this mean that I just don't like being attached to those problems as a person? Does it mean that I do not like being a person who is considered to have problems and difficulty in life? Maybe I want to show myself as an independent and strong person, but it seems like that foundation is slowly falling down with the days and things that happen.
Hopefully there will be somebody who I actually know who I can confide to. I've just been searching. Maybe I didn't know, but that might be the root of why I've been doing the things I have been doing. It might be why I have this desperate will to find new friends. I don't know.
Something More Substantial
The internet is not enough. In fact, I have grown tired and depressed and dreary every time I come in contact with social media. It's the same thing day in day out. Nothing ever changes. It makes my life... somewhat unbearable. I sound too dramatic don't I? I am probably over exaggerating things. If you scaled what I'm "feeling" right now about two times down, then that's more likely it.
So I'll be looking for something to take my mind off things and use up most of my energy. There's nothing on the internet for me anymore.
Goodbye.
Sorry for feeling mopey these past few days. There have just been a string of "depressing" events. Great timing eh? I apologize again. Maybe I just won't post until I'm feeling better.
Low 5. You could bump it up to a low 6. Blame the mood swings and negative thinking.
"Nothing will work unless you do." - Maya Angelou
October 25, 2013
Mad At Myself
I Snapped.
I was just talking. And I snapped. I lost it. I was suddenly saying everything that had been buried inside me this whole time, and I was letting it affect other people when it was only between this person and I. The funny thing is that I feel really really really rotten about myself, but I feel good. It's like, I'm relieved because I can get all this stuff off my mind, and I'm glad to know that this is what I'm like when I break.
So I broke again tonight.
First Impressions
A lot of the times I wonder what type of impression I give off as a person. Just first impressions, mind you. I don't know if people stick to their first impression about me after they get to know me better, but it's just something that I have been wondering about. Do I give off a really creepy type of impression, or a nice type of impression. It's hard to really figure out what people think of me.
I'm actually writing up the rest of this post this morning. The first bit was just me from last night and I didn't find the time or effort to finish the rest of it. So rest assured, I've cooled down for the most part (if there was anything to be heated about last night). I actually just kind of went to sleep really early (around 8:00 p.m.) and I was surprised that I actually slept through the rest of the night. However I woke up today feeling better than I have in a long time.
People have done "first impressions" on Facebook and stuff like that, but I never bother to like them because can you imagine me getting a first impression online? I can't even see myself getting one in real life without it being extremely awkward.
Is There Another Person out There...?
I had forgotten that I used to think a lot about this. Whenever I'm just doing nothing, and my mind is wandering around, I used to think about the possibility of another living soul feeling and doing the same things that mine was. If that person was thinking about what I was thinking. But it has to be precise. Every single thought and action is the same. I won't accept it if the other person is listening to the radio and thinking about how that question in math was difficult. I will if this person is listening to the same station (which would mean same song or same advertisement), and if this person is thinking about that same question.
Sounds unlikely right? It probably is. I know that it doesn't occur a lot in life, but I wonder if there has ever been a single moment in my life when that happened. When another life and mine aligned perfectly. And I wonder if I have met that person or if I ever will.
That's It. I'm Feeling Mopey.
I don't know what happened last night or if I did something to tick these people off, but I ended up losing two friends. Do I care? I don't know. Maybe. In both cases we were never much friends to begin with, but one I had been friends with for a duration of time and the second one could have been a possible friend.
Sometimes I hang out with people who I don't usually hang out with, and they ask me why I do such a thing. My reply is that I can't fit into a specific clique, so I float around, trying to find my own little group that I can be comfortable around. I'm just still looking. I am 6. Maybe a low 7. Sorry for never saying goodnight.
"Lost time is never found again." - Benjamin Franklin
I was just talking. And I snapped. I lost it. I was suddenly saying everything that had been buried inside me this whole time, and I was letting it affect other people when it was only between this person and I. The funny thing is that I feel really really really rotten about myself, but I feel good. It's like, I'm relieved because I can get all this stuff off my mind, and I'm glad to know that this is what I'm like when I break.
So I broke again tonight.
First Impressions
A lot of the times I wonder what type of impression I give off as a person. Just first impressions, mind you. I don't know if people stick to their first impression about me after they get to know me better, but it's just something that I have been wondering about. Do I give off a really creepy type of impression, or a nice type of impression. It's hard to really figure out what people think of me.
I'm actually writing up the rest of this post this morning. The first bit was just me from last night and I didn't find the time or effort to finish the rest of it. So rest assured, I've cooled down for the most part (if there was anything to be heated about last night). I actually just kind of went to sleep really early (around 8:00 p.m.) and I was surprised that I actually slept through the rest of the night. However I woke up today feeling better than I have in a long time.
People have done "first impressions" on Facebook and stuff like that, but I never bother to like them because can you imagine me getting a first impression online? I can't even see myself getting one in real life without it being extremely awkward.
Is There Another Person out There...?
I had forgotten that I used to think a lot about this. Whenever I'm just doing nothing, and my mind is wandering around, I used to think about the possibility of another living soul feeling and doing the same things that mine was. If that person was thinking about what I was thinking. But it has to be precise. Every single thought and action is the same. I won't accept it if the other person is listening to the radio and thinking about how that question in math was difficult. I will if this person is listening to the same station (which would mean same song or same advertisement), and if this person is thinking about that same question.
Sounds unlikely right? It probably is. I know that it doesn't occur a lot in life, but I wonder if there has ever been a single moment in my life when that happened. When another life and mine aligned perfectly. And I wonder if I have met that person or if I ever will.
That's It. I'm Feeling Mopey.
I don't know what happened last night or if I did something to tick these people off, but I ended up losing two friends. Do I care? I don't know. Maybe. In both cases we were never much friends to begin with, but one I had been friends with for a duration of time and the second one could have been a possible friend.
Sometimes I hang out with people who I don't usually hang out with, and they ask me why I do such a thing. My reply is that I can't fit into a specific clique, so I float around, trying to find my own little group that I can be comfortable around. I'm just still looking. I am 6. Maybe a low 7. Sorry for never saying goodnight.
"Lost time is never found again." - Benjamin Franklin
October 23, 2013
Time Waster
I was listening to my playlist one night and eventually this song came on. I had found it a few weeks ago and started to warm up to it (don't judge). Eventually I combined my lack-of-anything-to-do and liking for this song to start up a new project for another lyric video.
If you can still remember from last time, I did actually try to make a lyric video for Can't Hug Every Cat (and if you don't, it's right here if you think you can handle the repetitiveness and dreadfulness of my old typography). That was actually the first lyric video I completed, because all the previous songs I had tried to make one with were just too long (I could however make this one because it was just a little over two minutes in length).
Anyhow, I just started work on my Stay The Night lyric video. This time it won't be like the Can't Hug Every Cat video because I actually took some time to learn how to "spice" up the animations. The new method of animating that I learned actually makes everything so much easier and so much prettier. So that's just something that I'm doing for a time waster.
Here We Go Again.
I feel like every single time I get another thousand views, I write up some sort of little thank you. But 20K is honestly something that I am so thankful for. You guys reading and being interested in this blog is really one of the more driving forces behind why I actually blog. So thank you so much for always being here for me this whole time.
Raw Thoughts On Life.
Right now, just this moment, I felt a huge mixture of emotions. Funny right? Mood swings. Fun. I'm glad that I have the life that I have right now. I'm grateful and mad at all the things that have happened up to this point of my life. I hate how my mind is always infatuated with them, but I also love how it seems like I've been slowly making progress. I'm glad that I'm getting A's in my courses, but I'm worried about what I'm getting in Band class. I feel physically fit whenever I'm playing sports, but whenever we do a run, I feel bad about my shape. I like how I know some grade eights and I like how some of them are really genuinely fun people. I dislike how I don't know all of them, because there are so many things that I could be missing right now. I am terribly sad that I have kind of drifted away from some friends, but I'm also somewhat joyful because I have met new people.
There's no way that I can express my whole day in just one little tiny blog post. All I have to say is 8 and life is so pure.
"Every obnoxious act is a cry for help." - Zig Ziglar
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