Round, Square, Oval

Goodbye Or Welcome Back

Uhm. Today I said a lot of things that were just on my mind. Mind you, I didn't say them directly, I kind of just left them in a message. Maybe the message was received, but maybe it wasn't. Either way, I am actually glad that I got this off my chest. It feels like a long time since I've been at ease with this topic. So yeah... that's kind of my story for today. Actually, today was a huge day in terms of many things. Surprisingly though I don't feel like it was all that important.

Easy Sailing (For A Bit)

Just finished off another section in chem, so I think it'll be relatively easy sailing until we get into the next part. After that it'll probably be just lab days and the desperate cramming for AP exam coming up in May (speaking of May... I still need to get my fees handed in for some sort of festival). However May seems like a long way off, so I'll take a needed breather. Am I being too optimistic? Probably.

Can't wait to catch up on sleep on the weekend though.

That's It For Today

Summing up today all that happened was a chem test (on the painful Acid/Base section), a reconciliation (or was it? I have no idea as of yet), and me ACTUALLY TOUCHING ALCOHOL. YES PEOPLE. I WAS TOUCHING BEER. Kidding. Not? I was helping out with some sort of Burnaby staff trivia night thing. Must be some wild party if they have that much alcohol.

Lately the views have been picking up and I'm ever so thankful that you are here yet again. For today I'm... a 7. Make that a high 7. Not quite at 8 yet, but I think we're getting there.

"When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves." - Viktor E. Frankl

Tiring Lately

Combination of Everything To Drag Me Down

These past few days have taken their toll on me and I feel in terrible shape. It just takes me so much effort to try to be the Kevin that everybody else is used to. What bad timing for everything to come crashing down. Stress. Stress. Stress. Funniest part is that school isn't even the main root of the stress. Just seeing people moving on makes me feel so weak, and it's dumb. But then I remember that I was the one who went first and maybe this is how they felt when I left. Maybe not.

Gonna be a really short post. Not even a second topic coming up. I don't really feel like doing anything anymore. I'm a 6. Until you hear from me next.

"I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it." - Audrey Hepburn

Long Useless Post About Snow (And Other Things)

Snow <3

Contrary to what you may or may not think, I actually really really like snow. It's just about on par with how much I love rain, but that figures since they're both made out of the same thing. Rain is just so nice. It feels like you're constantly being showered in tears, and it's kind of like a teddy bear that's emotionless. You can project your feelings onto it. If you feel sad, the rain will be sad with you. If you feel happy, the rain will be happy with you.

Snow however, has a more positive aurora to it. People tend to either love it, hate it, or don't really have an opinion. Slotting myself into a category is easy, I'm in the first. There are so many things I enjoy about snow. The way it blows into your face and melts, like tiny little kisses. Sometimes it's nice and sometimes it's not, but it always finds its way into your scarf, gloves and shoes. You can build snowmen, or make snow angels. School is cancelled and you get to appreciate the warmth of your friends and family more.

So I'm glad that it's been snowing the past two days. Hopefully it will still be there by the time I wake up for school tomorrow.

My Mood Right Now

Definitely better than the me from the last post. Woke up to more snow and the men's hockey team wrecking Sweden 3 - 0 for the gold. The Olympics actually passed really quickly, and I think I learned to appreciate them more this year (seeing as there won't be another one for two years). I've actually got more than usual on my (anime) backlog, since I haven't watched the latest episodes of Log Horizon or ImoCho (don't judge, I don't know why I haven't dropped it). Still trying to catch up on the most recent season of Monogatari before Shaft launches the otaku nation into another season. School is passing by, surely, but slowly.

So there's your little update on how Kevin's feeling as of now*

*Subject to change

Gonna Go Fix That Author Thing Real Quick

For those who have noticed the template's standard author blurb under every post, sorry for that. I didn't look over the template closely enough. I'm actually going to go fix that right now (so if you started looking for it, you probably won't find it by now). If you see these kind of things, feel free to just comment or message me. Always helps me get things done quicker.

So... thanks for reading again. Looking to get another post up tomorrow. I'm feeling like an 8 this evening, but you might've already guessed that. Later later alligator. By the way, the word of the day is anecdote.

"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen

Design Change, Etc.

10 Minutes 'Till I'm Off

Here we go, this will be a quick blurb of a post. Uhm. First thing's first. I did change the look of the blog (psh obviously). Second of all, I'm still feeling kind of down. Besides that there really isn't anything noteworthy to write about. Maybe this whole rain cloud will subside by the morning.

Anyhow, hope that you will enjoy the fresh change of this blog. Over the next bit I'll be tweaking things here and there. I'm an 8 tonight. Thanks for reading, and I'll see you in the next post. An interesting I stumbled across today was introvert and its counter-part extrovert.

"When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe." - John Muir

Things Make Me Sad

Sometimes When I Wake

It just feels like it's all so much. It all comes crashing down on me and I need to collect so much effort just to get myself out of bed. By then I'm so unmotivated by the terribleness of everything that I don't feel like eating and I end up going to school without breakfast. Then I start eating lunch in second block and waste away my lunch. Hunger starts coming to me in fourth block and I just can't wait to get home and get something to eat.

Then there are things that I see everywhere, in the halls, outside school. People being happy and in groups, secure with each other. At comfort with anybody and everybody that comes their way. I long for that.

I'm so not unique. I don't have anything special going for me. The worst part is that I want to be really good at something. When I take everything into account I'm not outstandingly great at anything. I'm just okay, and lately I keep thinking that I'll only ever be okay. It'd be different if I just wanted to be okay.

At times I'm done with everything.

Don't Worry

Those are just thoughts that have been clouding up my mind as of the past bit. I feel so tired from this week. Physically and mentally. Various muscles are sore all over and I'm sick with dealing with everything. But you shouldn't look too much into it. If I was really sad I'd just take a walk for a bit and contemplate about everything. I'm not at that point yet though.

How's your week been?

Night ^^

I've been catching up with my sleep as of late. If I had to rate today (which I am obligated to anyways), I'd call it off as a 7.

"If you wish to reach the highest, begin at the lowest." - Publilius Syrus

Quick Post

Normal ^^

When people say, "I just want to be normal.", I have a slight urge to just get all up on that person's case and give him/her a good bashing. The idea of being "normal" is absurd. There is no such thing as normal. Everybody is different, so who are you exactly basing normal off of? YOU CANNOT. If you base normal on one person, does that mean you're calling everybody else in the world different?

No. Because that is just plain dumb. You are who you are. But yeah, it's easy to change who you are. A friend brought up the topic about how people may eventually forget who they are under their masks, but is that such a bad thing? I wear a mask around different people, but the thing is that I never had a person under the mask. I'm empty. Moldable. Like clay. I twist and bend and snap to fit the needs of others. I don't frown upon that practice though. No. I might say that I even applaud that practice.

So thank you to those people out there who wear masks proudly. To all those that embrace their inner self. Thank you to everybody. The world is full of different philosophical sayings, and they all sound so smart, but all of them end up contradicting another at one point or another. It's so confusing. Like having a pot of ingredients that just don't mix all swirling together. I mean, how are you supposed to deal with that?

You leave it. You just accept it. Life is like that. Some stuff you want, and others you don't. Without the other stuff tough, you wouldn't have life. It'd be a gross idealized version of life. Not natural.

Confusing

Everything in life is like so confusing. There's a problem with me. Maybe with a lot of other humans. Life is just life. But I can't just accept that. I want to figure out everything. I want to debunk the mysteries of life. Why does this happen? Why that? Why this? It's just all one big WHY. As of late though, I've realized that life can't be solved. There is no solution to life... simply because it isn't a problem.

It's kind of like my unorthodox way of thinking that there is no good or bad. There just... is. It's just the way it is. Not good nor bad. You can't do anything about it, and it couldn't do anything about itself either. So life is just life. Not bad. Not good. Not a problem. So no solution.

And of course, there will always be something to contradict this way of thinking.

I'm just pouring out thoughts now. Finally remembered to actually write about these things.

Later Then

Well, looks like we've come to yet another end of a post. Here's my gratitude for reading all the way through, and I hope that you won't look too shallowly or too deeply into my musings. Like everything on this blog, you should take it with a grain of salt.

Until the next post. Goodnight, stay safe, and don't think too much about everything. I'm an 8 for today.

"Bad weather always looks worse through a window." - Tom Lehrer

Over And Gone

Like Everything Else In Life

Valentine's Day came and went, without putting a huge impression into my life. I definitely had a lot of fun with everybody else, receiving silly Valentine's and seeing the smiles on the faces of people who had been majestically gifted a single rose ("Doesn't even have thorns." my friend says) from my friend (props to her for making people feel happy). It is my favourite Valentine's Day. Plain and simple, but there was this aura in the air that I can reminisce in, and that kind of stuff makes my week.

No, I was not asked out (not sure whether I should be happy or not, since I'm not actively on the "prowl"), but it was a really fun day. Hope everybody else had a good Valentine's Day.

Another (Personality)

I'm sitting at my desk pounding letters on my keyboard for this post while I listen to my brother rehearse his speech about anti-bullying and homophobia. The brother that I know is the one who is present at home. When I think about it, I have no idea how he is personality-wise at school or when I'm not around. And he doesn't know what type of person I am when I'm at Alpha.

So it's natural that when I'm listening to him talk about these very serious issues, I feel a bit... weird. His puts on his speech voice and goes on about all these things that I've never heard him talk about. It shows a bit of a new person, and I've decided to branch off that.

A few days ago (was it two or three? I've already forgotten) I broke. A part of me that I've been afraid of just broke free out of its cage and I turned into a person that I completely despise as of now. Looking back at it I was so shocked at what I had done. I muttered a quiet apology and left the house to go for a walk.

Thing is, that's never happened before. I'm always aware that there's a part of me that's dangerous, but I never knew exactly what the extent of his powers were. I actually still don't know, but that one night just gave me a glimpse of what could happen if I just lose it. I'm scared because it's a part of me, and I'm desperate to figure out why that one night it happened. Was it because of the added on stress from Valentine's Day? Maybe something else?

Funny thing is that my family has been very understanding of me. Things are weird. I felt alienated when I came back, but my dad welcomed me back and I'm thankful of him for that. God knows how long the tension would have lasted if he hadn't taken that first step.

What have I learnt? Take more walks. Take that first step. A multitude of other things.

Taken Up A Rose.

The same friend I was talking about previously also gave me a rose. I've given it a small vase and it sits on my kitchen windowsill. Ever since I got it, I've been excited to possibly nurture and grow it. I feel like it holds some sort of small hope for me, and if it dies that hope goes along with it.

I'm an 8 today. It's been an average kind of day. Thanks for reading. 'Till next time.

"If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?" - Steven Wright

The Pre-Valentine's Day Buildup 2014

Valentine's 2014

Honestly Valentine's Day has never been a big deal for me. There's nothing special because there has never been a memorable Valentine's Day. However when this time of year rolls around, we take the opportunity and throw ourselves pity parties, hoping to maybe get something out of them.

I'm not expecting anything else except for a quiet Valentine's Day. On the chance that something does happen, I'd probably just die a bit on the inside, simply because it means that I've just experienced another part of life (therefore growing further and further away from my innocence), but in a good way.

Uhm... I usually never really talk about this kind of stuff, so I'll keep it brief. Happy Pre-Valentine's Day (just in case if I don't post tomorrow, but I probably will) everybody. Regardless if you've got that somebody or if you're still looking, like a star in the night sky among so many others, have a nice day.

Feel Like A Piece of Carp

Thanks to mood swings I'm at a momentary low right now.

That's all I have to say. Errrrmmmmmm... my number for today is a 7. Later guys.

"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love." - Albert Einstein

Happy Family Day

Not That My Family Celebrates Or Anything

Do I seem like a family type of person? From my view I don't really feel that way. That does not mean I don't get along with my family, I do, very well in some cases, but the stereotypical idea of family bonding seems far and distant, like an foreign type of society. Doesn't really matter. I like my family and get along with them. However if I do grow up to have a family of my own, I'll try my best to be a decent dad.

Anyhoo, to end it off, Happy Family Day.

And yes, I have been having a blast on Ask.fm so far. No regrets yet <3

Alice Mare

AHHHH, SURPRISE GAME REVIEW YO. Bet you didn't see this coming up did you? Oh wait, you saw the post picture? Today on Kevin's Blog: Alice Mare (I should really stop saying that).

Hmmmm... how to sum up Alice Mare in a paragraph or two. Well, let's start off with the BARE BASICS. Alice Mare is kind of like a horror game. While the author definitely didn't try to turn it out into a fully-fledged horror game, there are some aspects of horror in it. The game is more of a mystery with a storybook/fairytail, yet somehow spooky feeling that follows you around the whole time (kind of like bad breath). It's a short game, as far as Wolf RPG Editor/RPG Maker games go, but the artwork and story are charming, even if you do need to dig in a bit to really "feel".

You follow Allen, a boy who's story you have no idea about (mostly because he's lost his memory). The game starts off with a man explaining to you the rules around your new home (after losing your parents), and pushes you off to meet the other children. Eventually you end up uncovering the past of all the children at the orphanage-esque home (not sure if I used -esque right there, I'm trying out new things) and there's kind of a little feely moment at the end of each story.

Like most of the games I talk about, there are multiple endings (especially since Wolf RPG Editor supports that feature), although I didn't bother digging around for the other ones. Alice Mare is a really well designed and thought out game (for a Wolf RPG Editor one), and it's charming in it's own little way. You can grab the English translation for free from vgperson (who else?) and give it a shot right now. Puzzles may or may not be included.

Speaking Of Charming...

Wait. What? 2 REVIEWS IN ONE POST? UNHEARD OF.

Yes, there will be a second one, although this one will be kind of different from the usual. Why? Well... I haven't exactly finished this one, so I'm kind of taking a risk (however the risk is only if the game starts going downhill from where I'm at) with this one. Oh well, here we go.

Star Stealing Prince is a fantastical game. It's also got a charming storybook/fairytail type of feeling to it, and maybe that's why I'm attached to it. The game does have the turn-based battles, and while those actually bug me a lot, I found it to compliment the game very well. There is so much attention to detail in this game, and the look of it is just incredible. Plenty of dialogue, but not too much to overwhelm. It's kind of a perfect blend of everything. Anyhow, onto the synopsis.

There is a land where it always snows, but the thing is that the snow never melts. Eternal frost as one may say. You take control of Prince Snowe, who has inherited his parents' kingdom(and later on his companions, as it is a turn-based battle type of game), where he is well loved and one with everybody. However one day you have a nightmare, and discover that your parents locked up a girl in a tower to the east. Hoping to clean your family's slate, you traverse to the tower (having a near death experience) to save the princess, only to find she does not need rescuing. She along with her bodyguard end up escorting you back, but things are not as you left them... and there is more to what your parents did than you think. Uncover the mystery of Prince Snowe and what really happened in Star Stealing Prince.

Wow, that was long. I'm up to Chapter Four at this point (near the end I think), and there are still three more chapters (clocking up to a total of seven chapters) of employment for me to have. The game is developed by Star*Cadets using RPG Maker VX. It futures 9 - 10 hours of gameplay, and YES OF COURSE THERE ARE DIFFERENT ENDINGS (gotta have those). I'm really having fun with the game right now (although it took me nearly the whole of today trying to get past this one boss) and I will be sad when I finish it, but happy too.

For everybody who may enjoy the game, there is a sequel... erm... kinda? It's actually a web novel (interesting!), which follows the adventures of Snowe after the bad ending. Give it a check after you've finished the game (with bad ending of course) and tell me how it goes. The game is available for download right here.

So Sorry For Keeping You Here

I was actually going to talk more, but I'm so deeply sorry for just going off on Star Stealing Prince. In order to make up for this, I will leave you with this 100% absolutely stunningly kawaii picture of Yoshino (best girl obviously). Thanks for reading. I'm an 8 this evening, and I'll see you (figuratively) in the next post. I feel like I forgot something because I was writing so fast. Oh well.

"Seeing through is rarely seeing into." - Elizabeth Bibesco

Sponsor Me Please Ask.fm

My Regret

This post will be mostly centered around Ask.fm (or at least I plan it to be like that), so if you kind of stay away from that kind of stuff, just leave now. However, if you're just like every other hipster out there, you'll probably want to stay for this.

Yes, I am considering about getting an Ask.fm. I find that I like answering questions over asking them because I already know everything when I'm being asked, whereas asking involves me thinking about new things (I dislike being unoriginal). If I do get one, I'll be sure to link it up in the next post.

So this topic is inspired by a question that was asked on my friend's Ask.fm. Apparently somebody was going around asking her really deep questions, and hey, I'm the kind of guy who goes around answering and trying to sound smart about those kind of things. On that note, here's one of the regrets in my life that I'd like to share with you.

I never really was a grade nine.

Many times I've been called an honorary grade 10, and god yes it makes me so happy, because I know that at that exact moment and frame in time, I am accepted. You would not believe how long it took for me to feel simply accepted hanging out with the grade 10s. Over the last semester I have melted into the mold of a grade 10. Sensitive teeth. Courses. Provincials. The party or two that I attended.

But the thing is that I never really felt like a grade nine. I more of less left the bulk of my friends to fend off by themselves, and I was thinking about how my absence at Van Tech was affected my old friends, when I should have been trying to fix my friendships here. These thoughts do however leave me thinking about where I would be if I had spent more time with the nines. Maybe I wouldn't be as good friends with the 10s. It's saddening, because I really enjoy being with my friends right now.

However, as I might have said (I can't remember), we are always ignorant of what we have and we crave for the things that we don't have.

I'll Probably Get An Ask.fm

All this talk about an Ask.fm question has got me really curious as to how it'd feel to have a somewhat popular Ask.fm. Maybe it will be something to stave my boredom. Actually, I'm not sure if I used the word "stave" properly in that sentence. I like how I use words like "insidious" and "integrity" whenever I speak, yet have only a vague idea of what the words mean.

Actually, I just spent the last few minutes fussing over an Ask.fm. So here you go. Hope you enjoy my stupid answers. Anyways, I'll leave you with that link and bide you goodnight. Thanks for reading. I'm an 8 today. Next time on Kevin's Blog: ASK.FM ADVENTURES.

"The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them." - Ernest Hemmingway

WORK DONE

The Boy Who Murdered Love

You are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT if you think that I have been more or less obsessed with this song ever since I found it. Of course my days of playing it in a continuous loop for several hours have ended, but nevertheless I still get that pang whenever the chorus comes in and starts digging a grave for my heart (probably the single song that I have been able to enjoy listening to for this long).

Annnddd with obsession comes along the craving to do anything and everything that you can think of with the thing that you are infatuated with. With my limited set of skills I've just scrapped together a little "teaser" for a lyric video that I have been working (minimally on - I'm talking half an hour or an hour a day, although a lot of today was spent on it) on making. Anyhow, I promised that I'd put up anything that I made on this blog, so here you go:

But Unfortunately Not Chem...

Yup. I have been spending minimal time preparing for the Acid/Bases test coming up next week. Yeah. I'm kind of a slacker (BUT you know that already). HOWEVER my intention for tomorrow is to go and study for chem. AND if that fails then I shall just cram on Monday and Tuesday (thankfully the test will be on Wednesday).

I feel like my blog is getting better in terms of content. It used to be old and boring, and I'm just kind of trying to inject some life into it. Probably always being so strict with consistency (with the font and other stupid things that don't matter since this is a personal blog) has really narrowed my mind set... and that's probably why views have been going down (kind of, they just keep on fluctuating).

Anyhoo, thanks for reading this time, hope I'll see you around in time for the next one. Curious (like my good old Hyouka friend Chitanda Eru) for my number? Welp... today has been productive (as for whether it was for the right thing... I still have yet to decide). Thanks again.

"The secret of getting ahead is getting started." - Mark Twain

The Required Semester Two Post

Hi Semester Two

Yes, it is undoubtedly that time of year again when all high school students can collectively have a sigh of relief as they look forwards to a brand new semester and new courses. I'm personally ecstatic for the turn of the semester, as this just provides me with something new, and something I can start over with. So let's hope for a good second half, with minimal procrastination and new people (what everybody ever said when talking about a new semester).

My Courses

Still going strong with that AP Chem 12, but new to the team include English 9, Socials 9, and Woodworking 10. Personally I enjoy AP Chem 12 and English 9 so much. Honestly, the teachers in those classes get students and how they actually work, and never pile on unnecessary homework. Their teaching styles are very engaging and I feel at ease when I'm in either class (fortunately they come right after each other).

Woodworking I'm having a good time in, since it's kind of just a chill class (although the dry weather and low humidity levels in the wood shop are taking a toll on my skin). Still have yet to give my thoughts on the Socials class, but I'd be very content with keeping it as it is right now.

Reason for the picture: We're in the Acid/Bases unit in chem right now, so everybody has been flipping out the "Basic" joke along with "All your bases are belong to us" term.

I'm A Forgetful Person

I had something really deep and meaningful to talk about for this post, but it seems to have slipped my mind (like so many things in my life) again. Maybe I'll come across in the next few days and write something nice for it in the next post. Maybe not.

Actually, to be completely honest I just remembered what I was going to say. But looking at it in retrospect, I can see that it'd only make things worse from my point of view. Sure, I get a lot of my bottled up emotions out, but for the sake of not screwing up everything I'll keep it to myself.

Annnnddd of course here's a birthday shout out to a friend. Absolutely zero idea if you read this blog anymore, but if you do, Happy Birthday I guess? Things are weird. I'm a difficult person to be around sometimes. But don't let that bother your day (as if it did in the first place). Goodnight readers. I felt really pissed off at one point of the day, but that only dropped me to a 7. 'Till next time.

"Mystery creates wonder and wonder is the basis of man's desire to understand." - Neil Armstrong

My Fears.

Little Intro

So it's 20 to midnight and I'm doubtful that I'll be able to finish this post in time (unless I type at full speed and make it relatively short), but hey, it's worth a shot right? Anyhow, important notice, this is not my idea. While it's difficult for anybody to claim the idea, the inspiration for this post came from another fellow blogger. Done with the introductions, here we go with my fears.

Regret

I am extremely scared of regret. Reason being that I simply dislike messing up something that could have been prevented. I'm afraid that when I grow up I'll have lived a life not worth living. Maybe this fear of regret branches out to a fear of not have to lived a fulfilled life.

Everybody has things they regret. Whether they chose to drop the luggage or keep on carrying it throughout their lives is up to them. For me it's difficult to just let something go, especially if it's something important.

Regression

Oh, another "R" word. Another one of my biggest fears is to regress. I get demotivated when people say I have gotten worse (and this fear might branch out to a fear of old age), even if it's the most trivial thing. My biggest goal in life is to live it happily and to its extent, but what's the point of trying if you're only going to get worse?

A Specific Type Of Death

If I died and nobody knew about it, I'd be devastated (or not, considering the fact that I'm dead). When I die, I want to be around people. I'm afraid of dying alone in a way (which could lead to possible autophobia, fear of being alone). Kind of hard to explain actually. Ultimately I think I just want to die with another person.

EDIT: Now that I think about it I am very afraid of being alone.

And That's All I Can Think About

Ahhh, looks like we did it. Five minutes till midnight. I think that telling somebody about your fears is a good thing. Hopefully you feel like you know me a bit better, even if you have never met me in real life. I think it's highly unlikely, but maybe I have an actual reader (who is consistently reading my posts) who only has an idea of who I am from my blog. I'd like to meet that person one day (of course, only if there is such person). There's a side of me that comes out whenever I blog, and it's interesting to see what people think about only that side.

Goodnight everybody. I'm an 8 today.

"I think you have to pay for love with bitter tears." - Edith Piaf