Over And Gone

Like Everything Else In Life

Valentine's Day came and went, without putting a huge impression into my life. I definitely had a lot of fun with everybody else, receiving silly Valentine's and seeing the smiles on the faces of people who had been majestically gifted a single rose ("Doesn't even have thorns." my friend says) from my friend (props to her for making people feel happy). It is my favourite Valentine's Day. Plain and simple, but there was this aura in the air that I can reminisce in, and that kind of stuff makes my week.

No, I was not asked out (not sure whether I should be happy or not, since I'm not actively on the "prowl"), but it was a really fun day. Hope everybody else had a good Valentine's Day.

Another (Personality)

I'm sitting at my desk pounding letters on my keyboard for this post while I listen to my brother rehearse his speech about anti-bullying and homophobia. The brother that I know is the one who is present at home. When I think about it, I have no idea how he is personality-wise at school or when I'm not around. And he doesn't know what type of person I am when I'm at Alpha.

So it's natural that when I'm listening to him talk about these very serious issues, I feel a bit... weird. His puts on his speech voice and goes on about all these things that I've never heard him talk about. It shows a bit of a new person, and I've decided to branch off that.

A few days ago (was it two or three? I've already forgotten) I broke. A part of me that I've been afraid of just broke free out of its cage and I turned into a person that I completely despise as of now. Looking back at it I was so shocked at what I had done. I muttered a quiet apology and left the house to go for a walk.

Thing is, that's never happened before. I'm always aware that there's a part of me that's dangerous, but I never knew exactly what the extent of his powers were. I actually still don't know, but that one night just gave me a glimpse of what could happen if I just lose it. I'm scared because it's a part of me, and I'm desperate to figure out why that one night it happened. Was it because of the added on stress from Valentine's Day? Maybe something else?

Funny thing is that my family has been very understanding of me. Things are weird. I felt alienated when I came back, but my dad welcomed me back and I'm thankful of him for that. God knows how long the tension would have lasted if he hadn't taken that first step.

What have I learnt? Take more walks. Take that first step. A multitude of other things.

Taken Up A Rose.

The same friend I was talking about previously also gave me a rose. I've given it a small vase and it sits on my kitchen windowsill. Ever since I got it, I've been excited to possibly nurture and grow it. I feel like it holds some sort of small hope for me, and if it dies that hope goes along with it.

I'm an 8 today. It's been an average kind of day. Thanks for reading. 'Till next time.

"If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?" - Steven Wright