On 80, Written on 81

"Are you mad at me?"

His hands clasped tightly around hers, restless and searching, as if by touch alone they could determine forgiveness. His eyes devoured hers, but all he saw was

.

She gave a slight smile before speaking her first words since the accident.

"Sorry, who are you?"

=====

Above is a little dialogue for an idea that I've been thinking about a lot lately. I'm content with the way that it turned out, and I'm excited to continue writing this for next time.

Things have been looking up lately (hopefully I haven't just jinxed myself). I finally got around to watching Kimi no Na wa. and I finished it on the morning of 80. I'm kinda disappointed because of how little I felt towards the characters, which ruined the experience for me. This is not to mention the immense expectations I had for the movie, but I think the end result would be the same even if that weren't the case.

Yet Kimi no Na wa. was still really good. I thought the story was strong, the art was particularly pretty, and the music was nothing short of amazing. In the very last scene I felt the emotions welling up in me, and I wish that feeling had been present for the entire movie. Spoilers ahead:

In the last scene the main characters Taki and Mitsuha meet several years after the comet hit Mitsuha's town. They have forgotten each other since, but they know that they are missing and longing for something. When the two bump into each other, they initially ignore the other and continue walking, but Taki then asks Mitsuha if they have met before. To this Mitsuha responds that she feels the same way, and the movie ends there.

As the movie ended and the credits rolled, I took out my phone to check some notifications and do some daily logins. Just as the movie finished officially, I heard a noise. I turned around and to my amazement my desktop had turned on by itself. The door to my room was still closed, and there was no reason why anybody in my family would turn on my desktop. Maybe there's a logical explanation for it, but I can't help but to wonder if maybe, just maybe, there's somebody out there trying to say something to me. Maybe that's the only way they can reach me, the only way they can say "I'm here."

I'm here too. Maybe one day we'll meet each other! But until then, feel free to keep turning on my desktop in the mornings. I'll try not to get too spooked.

I wanted to write a little post before I head to bed so that I can motivate myself to keep writing and improving (that and my hair is still drying). I felt pretty awful earlier, but I forced myself to work out and that was a mistake. The entire time I was lightheaded and parched, and by the time I was finished I could barely stand. Now that I've showered and gotten ready for bed I feel much better.

Anyways, there you have it! Until next time, my dear reader.

75/76

It was a cold night. I sat there waiting for the bus home, and a man in a mobility scooter pulled up to the bus schedule and turned around to make a remark about how we were lucky there was a bus this late. I smiled, for I felt fortunate as well.

He moved to my side, and we started some small conversation. To my surprise, idle chit chat became an outlet for his problems, and in the following minutes he poured out his most pressing troubles at the time. He looked at least 70, his face speckled with white hair and age. I couldn't pinpoint his ethnicity at all, but that's probably because I suck at that.

If I were to explain his story simply, I would say he was in an unfortunate situation. It didn't matter whether he got himself into the situation or if it was all out of his control - it just is what it is. After hearing him out and politely refusing his regular offers of various food items (including pastries, cookies, and fruit cups), we began to talk about me. What I was doing there at such a late hour? What did I do for a living? So on and so forth...

"Korean?"

I shook my head.

"Chinese."

I nodded.

Satisfied with his deduction, he laid back in his mobility scooter.

At some point he asked if I was married, to which I quickly responded no.

"I'm only 18."

"Girlfriend then?"

I grinned wryly.

"Nope."

I was going to add a few more words to that, but I decided to shut up.

The man put on a thoughtful look before responding.

"School is better with a girlfriend. It gives you a..." he struggled to find the right word, but settled with, "... motivation."

I nodded and my heart sunk.

Eventually the bus came, and we boarded. He got on well before I did, and when I boarded I automatically made my way to the back, where I preferred to sit. But then I thought. How would I feel if I had been talking to somebody and then suddenly they disappeared? Perhaps it was pity. Maybe it was empathy and relatability. More likely it was a huge ugly mess of a bunch of those emotions.

So I stopped. I turned around, mumbled a quick apology to the person I was blocking, and took a seat perpendicular the man. He smiled and patted the seat in front of him, and I moved there after a moment of hesitation.

It was near impossible to hear his voice against the sounds of the bus and the world speeding by, but I nodded along at what felt like the right times and frowned at what seemed like the wrong times. After several of these exchanges, he gestured to something behind me.

In the back of my head I knew what he was pointing at. While I couldn't hear complete sentences, I knew that he had been talking about girlfriends - specifically how to get one. It was easy he said, all you needed to do was talk to them and then ask them if they want to go out with you. But things are rarely ever that simple.

Turning my head around I saw what he was gesturing at and confirmed my thoughts. An Asian girl was sitting a few rows behind us, eyes on her phone and a slight smile to her. I quickly averted my gaze and turned back to the man. He raised his eyebrows, daring me. I shook my head feverishly. Conventionally she may have been pretty, but she was not to me.

When it became apparent that I was not going to do anything, he called me a chicken.

I briefly contemplated explaining everything to the man, but I decided to shut up again. I wouldn't "do it" even if I wasn't like this, so maybe I am a chicken.

The voice of the nice lady who sounds kinda robotic comes on the speakers, and announced the next stop, which happened to be his. He held out his fist and I rapped my knuckles against his.

"What's your name?"

"Kevin. What about you?"

He just smiled, as if his name wasn't important. As he wheeled out to the aisle, he said to me, "Goodbye Kevin. Try not to be too much of a chicken."

=====

There is more to the story that I have written, but my writing is not skilled or expressive enough to do it justice, and in the end I have left out many points. In addition, I have sensationalized several events, but what I wrote is largely what actually happened. Naturally there is a good bit of paraphrasing going on, but the core remains the same.

Ultimately it was not the experience I imagined, not the epiphanic talk with an elderly man wise with age that I always thought it would be. Yet there is something special about such an encounter. Something about how unexpected it was.

Sorry.

My syntax are trash.

I'll try.

48/Green

-A

"Kat, I'd do anything for you," his voice was laced with desperation, his hands clenched on her shoulders.

The woman looked at him intentlyGREEN, before caressing the man's cheek with her right hand. She smiled.

"Anything?"


A

Ms. Harrow peered over the reception desk to see that the man was still sitting in the chair, counting to himself. He was young, likely not even 30 yet. Dressed in a navy blue suit and a white dress shirt, the man's face was gaunt, his eye bags large, and his dark black hair messy with what little sleep he got. By no means was he unattractive, thought the young secretary, a little bit of fixing up and he'd be quite the looker. But there was certainly something off about him, not to mention a slight feeling that she had met him before. Ms. Harrow shrugged and thought nothing more of it - there were plenty of unique characters at this company.

"Mr. Sneed, was it?"

The man continued counting.

Ms. Harrow allowed herself out from behind the desk and started walking towards him. As she approached, she could hear the man's counting more clearly.

"forty-six... forty-seven... forty... eight."

Upon reaching the number, the man snapped out of his trance, and his eyes shot up from the floor to the young lady who was now standing in front of him.

"Mr. Sneed, it is time for your interview."

"Ah, yes," replied the man. His voice was coarse as sand, as if he had spent the last decade in the desert without speaking. He stood up and Ms. Harrow led him to a set of tinted glass doors. To the right of the doors there was a metal panel, with a small red dot glowing.

Ms. Harrow gave the door three quick knocks. She proceeded to walk away and said to the man, "Good luck, I'm cheering for you," while giving him a slight smile. The man nodded in response, while offering a half smile.

The man stood there, waiting for something to happen. Just as he was about to turn back and ask for the secretary, he heard a click, and he glanced at the metal panel.

Green.

It was a nice colour, not unlike the green one would see during the Christmas season. Yet something made the man uneasy. A lump formed in his throat, his body started to burn up, and his breakfast threatened to make a reappearance. The light lasted for perhaps two seconds, but it felt like forever to the man until the double doors swung open and the man walked in, relieved to be away from the light.

The doors shut behind him, and there was nothing but a woman sitting at an empty white table. The room was quite dimly lit, save the desk, however the man could tell that the entire room was white. Even the chair across from the woman was pure white. Feeling slightly uncomfortable, the man walked up to the desk, his shoes clacking on the floor, and took a seat.

When he looked up, he was met with intense gaze of the woman.

Green.

Again, the man felt uneasy, however he couldn't pull himself away. He was sinking in her eyes and the green and all of it. There was something so familiar, and his heart wanted to burst open, knowing that he would never have anything as beautiful as those eyes. His body ached and longed for something, something he didn't know.

Finally the woman blinked, and the man took the brief respite to avert his eyes to his lap.

"Mr. Sneed. I'm happy that you could make it out here today," said the woman. Her voice was soothing and relaxed, but her tone was one of power and confidence, as if she knew all the secrets of the world.

Without looking up, the man responded, "The pleasure is mine." He knew that there was a grin on her face, he could feel it in the air.

The woman procured papers from some place and the man could hear their shuffling on the desk. "Let us be begin then, shall we?"

The man nodded.

"Tell me... why are you interested in working for this company?"

"You see," the man paused, then continued, "I've been interested in the field for a very long time, ever since Alter's experiments on rats a decade ago, well, that was revolutionary to say the least." He closed his eyes as he spoke, still looking down.

More papers shuffled around, breaking the eerie silence.

The woman picked out one sheet. "Ah, it appears that you've left your profile information blank."

"Oh," the man gulped, "the thing is that I actually can't remember those things. I couldn't do it while I was waiting in reception, I don't know why." The man thought about it, and he realized he truly could not remember anything. What did he have for breakfast? What high school did he go to? What was his mom's name? What was... his own name?

"Memory problems huh," the woman reached from behind the table and brought out a box of white pills, each about the size of a pea, and said, "Take this, it's meant to temporarily add clarity to your memories and also helps you recollect recent memories. One of the best selling products here."

The man perked up.

She sat the box down in front of the man, and continued, "Take one and you'll see. It'll take forty-eight seconds to completely take effect, but that's one of our fastest reaction times."

The man needed it. He needed it now. His hands felt across the table for the capsule, knocking it to the floor in the process. He scrambled for it in a mad panic, leaping out of his chair. Why couldn't he remember anything? What was wrong with him?

His hands shook as he undid the lid and hastily snatched a single pill from the box. He slammed the pill down his throat and swallowed it.

One.

Suddenly there was a searing pain in his head, as if somebody was pouring molten lead directly into his thoughts. He rammed his eyes shut and wrapped his head between his hands, shaking back and forth, whimpering like a dog.

Five.

The woman got up, and slowly walked to the man. Her heels made a clack with the floor, synchronizing with each second that passed.

Ten.

He could feel her presence looming over her.

"You know, it is polite to say thank you after you've been given something."

The man opened his eyes, and GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN the entire room was GREEN, the floor, the table, the pills, everything was utterly and only GREEN. GREEN was everything and anything that he ever knew, there was nothing else.

Sixteen.

"Isn't that right," the woman bent down and cradled the man's head in her hands, "John?"

Her vibrant GREEN eyes bore holes into his, and she smiled.

"Don't you remember me, John? How could you forget the woman you loved?" Her face was one of feigned sadness, but underneath her smile was a mischief, a playfulness.

John looked into her GREENeyes, and everything came tearing back into his memory. Countless dinners in the candlelight, movies at the local theater, watching the tail of her coat whip past the door of her apartment, everything.

Twenty-seven.

The woman's eyesGREEN lit up as she saw the fragments of the man trying futilely to pull himself together.

"Ah so you remember now," she said.

Wincing through the excruciating pain, John managed to stammer, "W-why are you doing this to me?"

The woman's smile grew even bigger.

"Why darling, didn't you say you'd do anything for me?"

Thirty-nine.

"Now now, it'll all be fine," she cooed, "After all, you won't remember a thing."

The woman looked down at her watch, and thought, today's trial was not so bad.

"... forty-six... forty-seven" and she brought her gaze back to John.

"Forty... eight."

Z

43

it's 43
i'm 18
43 tired
43 sad
43 tight
43 fake
43 slow
43 painful
43 tried
18
5 forgotten
8 carefree
3 forgotten
2 best
1 start
4 more
too much
can't do it
too tired

pretend






















i'm okay

melodramatic
attentioner

A post that coincidentally comes after Halloween

I've been going through some personal problems and today I came to the realization that I don't really have any close friends. Right now my emotions are a mixture of both self-pity, shame, and embarrassment. For somebody who has always considered himself social and easy to get along with, where has everybody gone? It feels as if I'm going at life all alone and that I'm nothing but an add-on to friend groups.

The people that I have cherished and held closest in my life (asides from family) have disappeared without a trace. Some have moved onto the farther and greater places, others are right next door but they may as well be on the other side of the world. I feel as though the amount of meaningful interactions in my life have dropped ever since I started school, and I'm genuinely terrified that I'll go through the next four years without developing significant relationships with others.

In this moment I can't think of a single friend who would consider me first to ask to hang out. I don't know how everything got so bad.

I know that all I've said sounds bleak, and that I'm going against my belief that everything will always turn out better in the end, but right now things aren't going that well.

I just feel lonely.

My First Days

It's been an interesting yesterday and today, full of new experiences and right now I still don't feel like an actual student here. I'm actually writing this from one of the libraries (where I finally found a spot to sit down and spend the next hour of break at) and it's quite relaxing and nice where I am.

So far I've completely only two classes, but I'm pretty happy with my professors and I'm looking forward to the rest of my semester!

My first class, SCIE 113, was a really good way to start off my "official education," as the class size was small (think less than 30 actually) and the teacher made it really easy for us to get accustomed to everything. The building that my class was in actually looked like a high school so it didn't feel all too different.

When I got to my second class, CHEM 121, it was pretty much what I had expected from university. It was a medium-sized lecture hall (I'd guess for around 150 - 200 students?) and each chair came with a little platform you could slide out to use as a desk.

I'm currently on my break which spans two hours (have yet to find if that's good or bad) I'll soon be headed off to my first comp sci class, so I'm very excited for that.

Yesterday was the first year orientation day, Imagine UBC, and it was alright. We walked around a lot and it was somewhat boring, so I ended up really slugish when I started heading home. There was this dog that started eating a Subway wrapper and his face says it all. There's also a picture of a rabbit that I saw on my way home from work last weekend.

That's all! Just wanted to pop in and write a little update - I hope you enjoyed and you're enjoying the start of your school year (if you're a student) as well.

My Ode to This Summer

If you had asked me on June 20th what I was going to do this summer, I would have said something along the lines of, "Not much, just gonna stay home and relax before uni." What I really didn't expect was this. My summer wasn't made spectacular by a life-changing trip backpacking across Europe, nor was it retreating to a secluded lakefront property with friends or family. It was a combination of the little things that added up as summer dwindles down to its final hours.

What have I done this summer?

To be level with you, I'm not even sure what I've done. It's been a fast-paced summer and my memories are like interlocked fingers - while afternoons spent cooking bootleg Korean food and evenings spent at the local park aren't exactly the same thing, they run the same parallel of good times with good people.

-----

One of my fondest memories from this summer were those spent at Lynn Canyon. I think this was one of my first outings with a new group of friends, and while I knew some of them quite well, I did not hang out with them often (if at all). Despite this I had an amazing time - it was my first time visiting since I was a wee lad. The weather was near perfect, and the water that we threw ourselves into was nice and cold.

We spent our time throwing rocks, munching on chips, and just living in the moment. It was a pure and unbridled fun, not one with the ever-present construct of time looming over us all. After the sun had fallen a bit and we started getting cold, we made our way to ZETAs and had bubble tea accompanied with sushi from the shop next door. That night I rediscovered the magic of The Settlers of Catan, and I bought a personal copy a few days later.

I can't remember how many hours of fun I've had playing Catan since, which makes me feel better about shelling out $60 on it. My wallet has certainly taken a thorough beating this summer, but I've been postponing my bankruptcy by working weekends.

On a separate topic, it's crazy to think that how some of the people I would hardly talk to in the school year have now become important and close friends. I don't think I ever talked to Stephanie outside of ultimate, and now it's become a regular occurrence for me to join the group going to her house, whether it be for making kimchi fried rice or sushi. She invites us over so much to the point where I feel bad for mooching off her food. Thanks Steph!

Ryan has also become one of my closest friends over the course of this summer. Though he may not see me in the same light, I am thankful for his attitude and what he brings to the group. Sometimes I can't be too sure of what's running through his mind, but that's what makes him interesting.

-----

This summer I've also done a bit of self-reflection, though nothing to brag about. It sounds a bit overdone and dramatic, but I've been thinking about what type of person I want to be and how people perceive me. For me, the two are incredibly relevant to each other.

When I was younger I wanted to be like my cousins - smart, accomplished, and happy. However my ideals at that time were narrow and not very thoughtful. I wanted to be smart, but I didn't know in what way. Book smart? Street smart?

I still look up to my cousins to this day, and in the same way, but now I realize there's a lot more to a person than their academic ability or their happiness. For that reason I can't say that I have a role model in life - there is nobody I really want to be. You might be saying that the answer is to be my own role model, but I'm struggling with that.

My mind is still a mess when it comes to this vein of thought, but I believe that the best way to attack this kind of problem is to let it figure itself out. Life always finds a way, and I put my trust in that belief.

-----

Philman finished his program in Montreal and it's great to have a familiar face back in town. Soon after his arrival he drove us up to UBC, and we got up to speed on important things and not-so important things. He's been making a strong effort to hangout often with not only me, but others as well, and I understand exactly where he's coming from. While he says he's a changed man, he doesn't seem all that different to me - which just means he's always been himself when talking to me, am I right? Anyhow, we've been zooming around the streets of Burnaby, so keep an eye out for us!

-----

Another awesome (but more recent) thing I did this summer was have a Students' Council outing at English Bay. Before heading to the beach we bought some snacks and my coveted platter of sausage, cheese, and crackers. The huge slide was open and a few of us had a go on that, which was pretty fun. After we finished up with things at the bay, we walked over to Ramen Danbo and had a taste of what Danté affectionately dubs "God in a bowl."

I'm glad that we were able to finally organize an event, even though some of us couldn't make it. Through my five years on council we've never had a year where we all go out for dinner, let alone the beach, so I'm happy that we could make it happen. We could've done much more for the school, but you can slap me across my face twenty times and more if we aren't the closest council that Alpha has had in the last half decade.

-----

Jessica is my go to gal when I'm feeling bored or just plain hungry. She's always willing to go anywhere with me and for that I am forever thankful. It's comforting to have somebody who I can count on for that. We may have spent a fortune on food, but you can't put a price on the good times we have. Thank you.

-----

I'm positive that I've missed many things about this summer, and it sucks because I would've liked a written account of it. I think I'll also try to take more photos when I go out, not only so that I have a memory to go by, but also to help this blog look a bit more vibrant.

It feels overwhelming to take everything into consideration and try to compress them into words that can hardly capture the emotion of the moment. My writing is awkward and forced, similar to that of a first-grader, so I apologize for that. However it's at times like this, when your mind is like a balloon near popping, that you realize that life is anything but organized. I lost sight of this and my recent posts have been mediocre. Blog for yourself, not for an audience. Audience comes when you have something worth reading about.

There's something remarkable about summer. Maybe it's the sweltering air that enters the body with each breath and flirts with our feelings, exaggerating them tenfold. Perhaps it's the extended respite from school that enables and encourages adventure and fun that cannot be contained. It could be all of these things and more, or maybe none of them.

The words on this page don't come close to capturing my experiences and the memories that I made this summer. Instead, they are to send them off on a bittersweet and fleeting note as the summer melts into the school year, like a parent sending their child to college for the first time. These words are mangled and messy, but all together they are my ode to this summer.

New Job and Updates!

New job!

I've kept you in the dark for the past while, but tomorrow is the first day for my new job! I'm excited because this will not only be my first foray into the world of retail, but it is also the first job where I actually attended a formal interview. As you may or may have not known, I've worked exclusively as a waiter for several different restaurants in the past three years.

I gotta say, it really does suck sometimes. It isn't the cleanest job (though far from the dirtiest) and it takes a surprising toll on your emotional and physical state. The tips are nice, but to me it doesn't justify the cons that I associate with being a waiter. These feelings were the reason why I tried to look for a job in retail, and while I hear that there are some parallels with waiting tables, I hope that I'll find something else in it.

Four eyes

While I've been slowly been denying it for the past year or so, my vision has actually deteriorated a good bit. Even nearing the end of my grade 12 year I had difficulties reading the board from the back of the room, and I can only shudder to think about how that would translate to some of the lecture halls at UBC that are allegedly gigantic in comparison.

So I visited my optometrist a while back, got a prescription, and ordered a pair to have them arrive a few days ago. Unfortunately there are some scratches on the frames so I'm getting a replacement pair, but until they arrive I'm free to continue using my current pair.

I don't know how I feel about them at the moment in terms of style, but so far they have been perfect for aiding my vision (not that I have any lecture halls to practice in). Maybe it's just a case of getting used to seeing them on my face.

Wow I'm actually going to uni

This summer has been one of the "longest" ones I've had, but that could be due to how different and exciting each day is. I've spent loads of time with friends, new and old, and it really has been a blast. But riddled between days spent at Lynn Canyon and nights huddled around a Catan board, there have been some commitments and reminders that I will be attending university come fall.

The mere thought of it sends an energy coursing through my veins, an energy akin to the first day excitement of high school - except on steroids. I have no idea what the experience will be like, but I hope to soak in as much as I can through however many years I'll be at UBC.

But then there's also this anxious part of me that sharpens my feelings into a double edged sword. What if I don't make the splash that I want to? Am I really ready for university, and can I handle it? There are all these questions and self-doubts, but I think what I need to do is a reaffirm myself and dive head first into the unknown.

Cheers - until next time!

It's been a nice day

Cool things

I'm not sure how well I have been keeping you up to date on my employment, but for the record I am working as a waiter (once again). To start things off, here are some things that customers do that make me (and presumably other waiters) happy:

1. Wait to be seated
2. Be polite and understanding
3. Pile up dishes at the end
4. Control children
5. Not make a mess

#1 is my biggest pet peeve when it comes to being a waiter. If you do this, what you're saying to me is that a) you think you're better than everybody else, b) you do not have a single morsel of respect, and c) you do not want good service.

I'm a waiter - it's literally my job to provide good service to customers. If I'm busy and you decide to seat yourself down, I will not know that you are there until you walk up to me two minutes later and demand a menu, stating that you have been "seated for several minutes now without any service."

#2 is more of a general life tip than anything, but it applies doubly so when it comes to the service industry. If you're making things as easy as possible for me, I'll feel more inclined to a better experience for you.

If you do #3, you might be doing it in a way that's "inefficient" for the waiter to pick it up, but it's the thought that counts (it really does go a long way, at least for me).

#4 is slotted lower in the list because I get that children are hard to control and hard to get away from. Not everybody can hire a sitter and children are just... messy. I don't mind cleaning up a messy table, but if your kid is flinging food against the wall or sticking it in places where it shouldn't go, please control your kid. Maybe this means taking away the food or spoon feeding. If your little one starts throwing a tantrum due to this, then maybe he/she isn't the greatest to take out to eat. Pick up.

#5 - kinda hard to do since you naturally are more carefree with your mess, but very appreciated. Makes it easier for us to clean the table.

Alright that ended up being longer than I thought, so I'll just tell you the cool things that happened today from work. A customer arranged droplets of water on the table so that they formed a heart, and I think that was pretty neat. Thanks for being cool random stranger! Another neat thing that happened was when I was actually going home from work. The bus driver was super friendly, despite the bus being absolutely packed, and he even got us to play "If You're Happy and You Know It" for a bit.

When I finally got home I found my tenant's cat loafed up on the front lawn, and I sat down in one of my tenant's comfy lawn chairs and she jumped up and I patted her for a bit. That was nice.

Finally started that workout

For a while now I've been disappointed in my body and how sluggish I've become. Maybe it's the large amount of fast food ingested since summer started, maybe it's the hours spent lounging at my desk and in bed. Most likely the cause of my "sudden flab" is a combination of the two.

Putting the reason aside, I used the sight of my belly jiggling as I walked around my house as motivation to get in shape. My first day consisted of me failing to do even half the reps featured in the Ab Ripper X routine, however I swore that I felt my abs were already transforming into the six-pack that I coveted.

I remember from somewhere that it's not good to do the same workout for a group of muscles daily, and that knowledge was cemented by the slight pain I would feel in my abdominal region whenever I sneezed or even when I walked. I held off until two days later, and I did the same Ab Ripper X routine after getting off work.

It felt like I was doing better and I was immensely proud of myself. Things were looking up, and I should have kept looking up because when I looked down in the mirror I was greeted with the sight of a psuedo-double-chin (am I using my hyphens right here?) I grew dismayed, and my spirits dropped.

That double-chin thing actually happened today. And today, I found the will and motivation to complete a different routine. A few hours ago I tried to complete the Cardio Challenge of the Insanity series, and while I struggled to finish each rep and skipped a whole bunch, I saw it through to the end.

I struggled. I found myself sweating more than I ever have (in recent memory at least). For the entire half an hour every breath was laboured, every movement was done tired to the bone, but at some point, when I realized that I was sweating profusely, I found joy.

That was my moment of liberation. I feel so happy knowing that I can work that hard and I know that I will be able to reach my goal.

tl;dr: so yeah I finally started doing that workout thing and work was alright

Final Thoughts: Anime of Spring 2017

- WARNING: THE FOLLOWING POST MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS -

I like how I changed the spelling of everybody's names since the first impressions post.

MyAnimeList
First Impressions: Anime of Spring 2017

Shortcuts:
Eromanga-sensei
Re:Creators
Renai Boukun
Rokudenashi Majutsu Koushi to Akashic Records
Saenai Heroine no Sodatekata Flat

Eromanga-sensei (12)

I Rate: 7.3
One Sentence: Did it... end?

I didn't think Eromanga-sensei would actually revolve around sibling love, and thankfully it didn't. I would argue that it actually has less to do with that particular theme and instead focuses on being a comedy. Sure, the very premise of the show generated a lot of buzz around it, but there is little to actually say on the note of Masamune and Sagiri's relationship.

I thought the art was pretty nice, and the music was pretty catchy. In terms of plot progression, it's basically all done in the first few episodes, as the characters in Eromanga-sensei never face any meaningful conflicts later on.

So why did I rate this anime relatively high?

It was just... funny. Similar to the way Mayoiga was funny. Reading episode discussions was always a blast every week, and the show did have some legitimately funny scenes. Where Eromanga-sensei lacks in depth of characters/story, it makes up with some really "memey" and hilarious moments.

Basically go in, don't expect a thoughtful and constructive piece of work, and you will have a blast (granted, you need a sense of humour beforehand).

Best Girl: Tomoe is pretty cool and relatively pure


Re:Creators* (6/22, dropped)

I Rate: 6.8
One Sentence: By the time I reached episode 6 the show had failed to live up to my expectations, and the already uninteresting events and interactions seem forced.

While Re:Creators had one of the most promising starts to the spring season, I found myself becoming less and less interested as the anime continued to air. For what I was hoping would be a highlight of the season, I am sorely disappointed.

The largest gripe that I have with Re:Creators is the poor execution of not only plot development but also character development. I can honestly say that through the six episodes that I did watch, I do not remember any significant events occurring that actually did something to further the story.

As I had noted in my initial impressions of this show, I felt that the characters were quite lacking in unique personalities. There were no reasons given for me to support or sympathize with any of the characters, and the fact that there is are so many characters makes it even more difficult to do so. Many, if not all, of the characters are not enjoyable to watch. Alice is an extremely stubborn and headstrong individual, and it makes me cringe (for lack of a better word) to see her actions and decisions unfold. Perhaps this is just a personal preference of mine, but I believe the characters are what makes Re:Creators mediocre.

Despite this, I do think that (for the right person) Re:Creators can be an intriguing show. For those more geared towards spectacular and awesome action scenes with less interest in characters, maybe this show has something for you.

Best Girl: Selesia is the only bearable one (asides from Metorea)


Renai Boukun (12)

I Rate: 7.2
One Sentence: Despite how unusual and unappealing Renai Boukun seems, it still managed to make me laugh and kinda look forward to each episode.

Renai Boukun was weird. For me, most of its value is derived from my enjoyment of the show. However there are others who look for other aspects and, in the case of Renai Boukun, may be disappointed.

There is nothing outstanding about Renai Boukun. You can check off your list of the holy anime pillars and find that the show is quite average in all categories, premise excluded. The animation, characters, and music are all decent. In terms of the premise, I'll give studio EMT² the benefit of the doubt that they did not delve deeper into character development/backstories because of the 12 episode season.

I dunno, I think that's all.

Best Girl: still Akane


Rokudenashi Majutsu Koushi to Akashic Records (12)

I Rate: 7.4
One Sentence: Sleeper hit of the season - much better than anticipated but still confined by its tropes and genre.

For the whole season I waited for a nickname to be given to Rokudenashi Majutsu Koushi to Akashic Records, and at long last I came across one on MAL just when the anime ended. On the bright side I can at least use it for this post.

At first glance and nothing but that, RokuAka seems like your run of the mill anime about a magic academy with a fantasy setting.

It is.

I feel that RokuAka really shone from episodes 2 - 6, but it never went back to peak form for the rest of the series. After the two mini arcs that were featured in that range, the show reverts back to very predictable and "industry standard" conflicts and events, which is a shame because I genuinely enjoyed the first half of the anime.

All the characters except Glenn and Celica are boring, and Celica hardly counts because I can count the number of things I know about her on one hand. I thought Glenn was pretty cool because RokuAka hinted at a very dark and grim backstory, but that is never fully explored.

I'd say skip it honestly.

Best Girl: Rumia still best, despite her 5/10 rating


Saenai Heroine no Sodatekata Flat (11)

I Rate: 7.9
One Sentence: Really enjoyed this season for what it had to offer in actual developments and there is a significant conflict for once.

Man I'm just biased but I really like Saekano in general. The clean and vibrant art style is right up my alley and I'm pretty attached to the characters. I thought that the second season was quite fitting and stuff actually happens.

The art, music, characters are all the same, and for good reason. The show found great success in its first season and it managed to address its main flaw in the second season - the lack of meaningful plot events. In Saekano Flat we see each of the characters experience realistic conflicts, not only with the other characters, but within themselves. We most vividly see this with Eriri, who found her artistic peak but is never able to return to form again because of how lenient Aki is.

All in all, I really enjoyed this season of Saekano, and while a third season doesn't seem likely, I can only hope. If you thought the first season was any good, I highly recommend Saekano Flat. And if you haven't watched the first season, give it a try!

Best Girl: Katou cements herself as disputable best girl

I'm done!

Sorry for the late post

I guess I'll never be able to adhere to a strict schedule of posting, but at the very least I can make some updates on how my life has been going! A lot of stuff has happened in the past bit, from my graduation ceremony to getting some new job opportunities, so let's dive right in.

I'm done!

Five years have come and gone and now that I'm standing at the end of my high school life there are all these emotions and feelings that swell up inside me, and it makes me happy that I managed to make the best of my time. Of course there are loads of things things that I regret immensely, but I think that's a valuable part of the experience.

I had my graduation ceremony last week and it came and went in the blink of an eye. When you're watching from the bleachers as a part of the audience, it's a lot of waiting for a familiar name or the mention of some absurd amount of scholarship/entrance award money. However when you're the actual person walking across the stage, time can't seem to go by slow enough.

Anyhow, I don't know how many times I've said this, but the graduation ceremony was absolutely surreal. I hardly remember much of it and I kinda just went through it in a dazed fashion.

Job stuff

I've come to realization that I'm a lot less wealthy than I initially believed myself to be. At one point I was spending left and right because I never believed that number in my bank account would dip to a worrying amount (and it hasn't, for the record), but now, well, let's just say impulse purchases have become much less impulsive.

So after several attempts of looking for a job, I have finally come across two: one at the restaurant my aunt works at, and one at a bubble tea shop. The latter option definitely sounds appealing to me because I just like bubble tea and I feel somewhat sick of working as a waiter, but apparently the first option comes with better pay. As of now I plan to try out being a waiter one more time and then it that doesn't jive well with me I'll see if working at the bubble tea shop suits my tastes better.

C'est tout

Thank you kindly for spending time on this blog today! I'll see you in the next one, but until then take care and enjoy the awesome weather.

First Impressions: Anime of Spring 2017

- WARNING: THE FOLLOWING POST MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS -

We back in it.

MyAnimeList
Final Thoughts: Anime of Spring 2017

Zoom Zoom Guys:
Eromanga-sensei
Re:Creators
Renai Boukun
Rokudenashi Majutsu Koushi to Akashic Records
Saenai Heroine no Sodatekata Flat

Eromanga-sensei (1/?)

I Rate: 7.4
One Sentence: Like a better OreImo (the MC is a Kyousuke clone).

You know what, this isn't half bad. Despite the weak willed main character, obvious loli pandering, and uncanny similarities to OreImo, I think Eromanga-sensei could go somewhere. Granted, I think it's more probable that it won't, but I found myself enjoying the first episode more than I thought I would.

Let's begin with the art. I like the clean and conservative style that the show uses, and the animation seems to be of good quality as well. There wasn't anything that I noticed in particular about the soundtrack, but some say that no news is good news. The characters are pretty shallow and I don't have high hopes that they'll have massive development later on, but Sagiri can be funny sometimes.

Yeah I don't know why I gave this such a high score. That's alright.

Best Girl: the girl who literally shut herself in her room for one year


Re:Creators (1/22)

I Rate: 8.1
One Sentence: Art from UBW, music from Aldnoah.Zero, and a story line that makes me feel like I've been playing too much FE: Heroes come together to make a great pilot.

The premise in Re:Creators is a little spin-off of what we've been seeing a lot lately: main character is suddenly transported to a random world and is forced to adapt and resolve some sort of conflict. Instead our main character, Souta, bears witness to characters from his favourite anime coming to life in his world. Re:Creators starts off with my favourite pilot of the season. We get a little taste of everything, from some incredible animation in several fight scenes to an epic and fitting soundtrack.

The one part where I felt the anime falter in was its characters. Celestia undergoes a very drastic change in a matter of minutes, and for no apparent reason. It's also quite bizarre to see how quickly the anime characters adapt to their new world, seeing as they can recognize and express a desire to purchase what should be foreign goods and snacks.

All in all, I'm hoping that the longer season for Re:Creators will help remedy some the lack of depth and development in characters. The story is certainly interesting and all the other elements for a strong show are present, now it's time to sit and have faith.

Best Girl: Celestia for reasons other than her costume


Renai Boukun (1/12)

I Rate: 7.2
One Sentence: Story is fun and the gag humour works occasionally, but Renai Boukun is easily forgotten.

Renai Boukun is a comedy that is definitely out there. From the first episode alone we're greeted with the Love Note, a not-so-angelic angel, a yandere who can duel wield kukris (I'm not sure what they are), and a step-sister with incestual feelings towards the yandere.

If the characters each represented a television they would all be flatscreens.

No comment on the music. I kinda dislike the art, but maybe it'll take some getting used to. It just doesn't look very clean and I am definitely not a fan of the eyes. To be honest, I don't like the character designs in general. I don't particularly like the VAs either. There's a lot of stuff I don't like basically.

Watch it if you want to see if it will make you laugh, but I don't think you'll feel like you get those 5 hours of your life back after you finish it all. Who knows though, maybe I'll be wrong and it'll blow my socks off.

Best Girl: Akane - she's pretty crazy, but then again everybody else is


Rokudenashi Majutsu Koushi to Akashic Records (1/12)

I Rate: 7.3
One Sentence: Meta comedy won't save the overdone and boring "single guy in a magic school full of skimpily dressed female students."

While I think it's kinda neat that Glenn is a somewhat of a "bad" main character, I don't think that can save what Rokudenashi Majutsu Koushi to Akashic Records is at its fundamentals. From what I've seen in the first episode (and the school uniforms themselves), there isn't a whole lot going for it. Actually, it can be funny sometimes.

The art is pretty standard, and so is the music. As for the characters... well, you get what you came for, asides from Glenn. You have your "ojou-sama" from a super prestigious family that has ties with the academy, then you have the sidekick, who tends to be one of the better and more likable personalities later on, and then you have some sort of mysterious older lady who is some sort of magic god but doesn't get a whole lot of mention besides being the reason why this strange and improbable situation even exists. Anyhoo. Yeah.

As of the time of this posting (the show is on its third week), ratings on MAL are pretty high so maybe something great happens in the next episode.

Best Girl: Lumia cause Sistine sure isn't getting it


Saenai Heroine no Sodatekata Flat (1/11)

I Rate: 8.3
One Sentence: Man I'm so glad this got a second season.

If you were a fan of the first season of Saekano, the second season is a must watch. The pilot gives a very refreshing change of pace, and the majority of the episode is dedicated to learning the backstory of the intense rivalry between Utaha and Eriri. I'm excited to see if the anime takes a more serious approach with the relationships between the characters, but in the end I think that's a tall task for 11 episodes.

The very clean and vibrant art style returns for this season, and the opening is my favourite for this season. The characters are all your specific archetypes, but in my humble opinion, they're done exceptionally well and have grown past their cookie cutter stage.

Alrighty time to wrap up this post and go watch the second episode of Saekano Flat, I can't put it off any longer. Goodbye, and see you next time!

Best Girl: KAAAAASUUUUMIGAOOOOOOOKA UTAHA (but actually, she got a lot of time with Tomoya for the fan service episode)

Real(ish) Talk

Buckle up because this is going to be some of the worst writing you've ever read

First of all, it's pretty surreal that I'm actually writing a post a day after I put one up. I'm not sure what's gotten into me, but guess it's best to ride out the wave and go with the flow. Anyways, slap on this song that I've been listening to the past two weeks and let's gooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

Assumptions

Let us dip back to last Sunday afternoon. Every Sunday I work a full day (nine hours) at a sushi restaurant, and while it can be tiring and affect me negatively, it's good for the most part. Anyways, enough about that.

Our place, like many others, run a special, where you can choose any three items and get a miso soup with it for around $10. A group comes in with three adults and four kids, and the waitress I was working with tends to them. I don't know what I do for the next few minutes or so, but she has taken their order and asks me to help her prep and serve miso soup to that table.

She asks me to prep five full bowls and two bowls that are half full. When I ask her why the two bowls are to be half full, she responds that they are for the kids. Anyways, I'm left to my task and also thoughts about whether what I am doing aligns with my moral compass. It's humiliating, but from this one thing I started thinking negatively of my workplace.

With the whole thing still not sitting well with me, I run to the computer, where the Point of Sale (POS) system and all the orders are, and see that there are only five lunch specials on the order. It turns out that the two small miso soups had been requested by the customer, and as far as I'm aware, the waitress hadn't charged her for it.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say, maybe there's something profound like, "Even the slightest doubt can ruin a perfect track record," or even, "Assuming isn't good for you dude," but I don't know. Take what you will from this little anecdote. To me I discovered how much impact and change can be caused by an assumption.

Don't stop (not that you can)

I've been looking back at my posts (to get ready for my Student-Led Presentation, which is tomorrow!) and I have to say, there's not a whole lot keeping me from razing everything down to the floor. There's a lot of embarrassing content, but hey, it was me who wrote it.

In a serious light though, I think that one goal that I need to become a better and stronger person is to be able to fully embrace the more cringey parts of my past. Sometimes I try to write posts with the intention to make it as cringe-proof as possible, but maybe that's not what I'm supposed to do.

Maybe it's just some wonderfully beautiful way of living life. Maybe it's about the struggle, and maybe when I feel embarrassed about other posts, it's a good thing because I feel motivated to one up myself. So yeah, don't stop doing what you're doing. Quite possibly you're already doing that, and I'm just the weak one. Embrace as much of yourself as you can, take it, and own it.

Maybe I'm just dumb and this all has no meaning to you.

Thank you for reading.

Updates (Part 72?)

Wait, what? There's another post this soon??@@>#?
I don't know why, but this morning I just felt like writing up a high quality blog post for my dearest readers. But yeah, I'm pretty much going off an impulse here, so the writing is going to be horrendous (as usual).

Anyways, it's nice to have you back! Much like a random teenage boy writing a post for a blog that he has kept running for several years for whatever reason, I will write a post for my blog that I have kept running for several years for whatever reason.

It's coming (Anime of Winter)!
I stated in Summer 2016 Final Thoughts that I was considering to stop the anime reviews for a bit, at least until everything calmed down a bit. Now things are much more certain, in terms of school, uni, and extracurriculars. I've been accepted to both of the places I applied, so now all that's left is for me to enjoy the last few months of high school and try my best to keep my marks up.

With that said, you can expect an overview of the upcoming winter anime coming up in the next week or two (the second season of Saekano isn't airing until a week from now, so it'll probably be two weeks until the post).

Spring Break
It's been a week since spring break but I gotta say, it was a fantastic way for me to kinda "reset" and approach the rest of the school year with a fresh breath. I got to lounge around home all day, I went out a few times, and I just had a really nice, carefree break.

Students' Council was also planning our event, Striker, during the break, and that ended today, so it really does feel like I've dropped off quite a bit of baggage.

That's All!
I'm going to try for a post tomorrow, but knowing me there's a good chance it won't be up. Tomorrow is going to be a pretty good day for me, since I'm off on a French field trip for more than half the day, I get to come back to a relaxing fourth block, and then there's ultimate practice. Pray for no rain.

Uni Bound!

I've been accepted!
We maaaaaaade it! In mid-February I received an admission offer from SFU and just about a week ago I got an offer from UBC out of the blue! When I received my SFU offer I started writing up a post on it, but I never got around to finishing it.

It's been a surreal and thrilling experience this whole time. The amount of immense relief that flooded my body when I got my first offer was incredible, and I could hardly contain my excitement when I got contacted by UBC.

My parents are super thrilled to see that I'm headed off to university very soon (crazy how it's coming in just a few months), and I'm glad that I could do at least this much for them. I have no idea how I'm going to go from a comfortable high school existence to one with lots of new places and people, but it's definitely something to look forwards to.

On a sadder note
I'm pretty sure I've talked about the difficulties I'm having with Students' Council at least once, but if not, well, now you know I have difficulties with the group. With the development of me getting into university, I've been struggling to find a reason to not give up with the group.

A large part of it comes from the general atmosphere from Students' Council: nonchalant, uninterested, and far too reserved. I wonder what happened to the sparky group that was present a few months ago, and at this point I wonder what I've done to create such a dead collection of students.

I'll be honest as well: I haven't been putting in as much dedication to Students' Council as I used to. I find myself forgetting to fulfill some duty or obligation and while I'm tempted to use the excuse that I'm naturally forgetful, I know that I should be prioritizing my responsibilities on council more.

I don't know. It's difficult to find a reason to not give up.

Until next time
Sorry for not posting anything lately. It's been a blur since the last time you heard from me, and I'm pretty sure that I didn't write anything for Februrary, so that kinda sucks. Anyhoo, off I go to wallow and brood for a bit. Hope everything's going well for you, and if not, hopefully it'll turn out fine.

January update!

Hey there! Today I'll be dropping in and throwing together a little post to keep you updated! It's been extremely busy lately, more than ever, and my last few days of high school are just burning away. My grade 12 year has been so much different than any of my previous years, and it's a surreal experience to be in the middle of it all. I'll also be using this post to kinda look at everything and take a breather, so hopefully both of us finish this post more knowledgeable.

School
My courses are pretty decent this semester, I consistently get homework from one of my three classes and usually it's not too bad to finish. Computer programming, while it isn't providing the growth and education that I sought, is a good block to unwind and relax. Physics is a challenging course that requires a lot of dedication and effort into the work that you do, but I've been doing surprisingly well! English is where I'm most worried because my mark isn't as high as I'd like it to be and it may dip even more after the provincial exam. Not sure what to expect next semester, but I'll get through it all.

Grad stuff
On top of the regular classes all grads are expected to fill a whole bunch of requirements for graduating: graduation transitions, 30/90 hours of work experience, and student-led interviews to name the biggest ones. This winter break I just completed my 90 hours so I'll be looking to finish off my grad trans sometime soon and be free! Not sure what to expect from student-led, but from what I hear it isn't that bad and it's definitely not something I should be worrying about right now.

Uni stuff
Right now I'm applied to UBC and SFU, and I don't think I'll be trying for any other place. I applied to the science and applied sciences faculties for both schools, however I applied for early admission for UBC, so I'm really hoping that I'll get an early offer. It would really take a load off my shoulder, instill some confidence in me, and give me a very realistic goal to work towards. My application to SFU is completed, however my Major Entrance Scholarship application for them is not.

Lacking
Recently I have been feeling like a mediocre Students' Council member, and even as a student. There are some people around me who are doing some really cool and profound things and I'm kinda just flopping around going by each day. It sounds sad, but right now I've settled for mediocrity and I'm not pushing myself nearly as much as I could be. Somewhere my drive and motivation was lost, and I'm having trouble finding it. It's one of my biggest problems at the moment, if not the largest, but now that I've written it out and accepted it in a way, it feels better.

That's all!
I'm going to wrap up this post and prepare for a nice long sleep - at least until I have to get up and get ready for a day of work. I'm working on a weekly basis and it really takes a chunk out of me, physically and mentally. A long and tiring day of work has me starting the school week fatigued and a one day weekend isn't the greatest to look forward to. However I think that even working such a small amount (compared to those employed full-time) is an amazing way of stepping into a different pair of shoes, and it really does help me appreciate the hours of work my parents put in. They don't get the simple pleasure of freedom after 3:00 p.m., let alone the weekend off.

Sorry for keeping you here even though I said I was going to end the post! Until next time my friend.

There's so much to tell you

Oh, bolded headings are back...?
Yeah! For the time being at least. As I start typing away for this post, I realize that it will be difficult for you to understand exactly which paragraph falls with what topic and so on. For that reason I figured it's going to be nice to have some order to this chaos. Anyhow, get nice and comfy wherever you are, grab a nice warm drink if you can, and settle down for some time to read Kevin's terrible blog post.

The past
I have definitely covered this whole "identity crisis" on this blog, multiple times in fact, but it really is a prevalent thing that comes up all the time.

Everybody is self-conscious, and that's good! I feel as if I'm more self-conscious than most, and this stems from being teased in elementary school (and even high school) for my clothing and tendencies. It's not a sob story; the whole teasing experience was light and I enjoyed healthy relationships with others and even those who did the teasing. As a result, I put a lot of thought into my appearance and mannerisms, which has made me into a more conscientious person. I think this is one of the best things about me, if not the best (not that there is much, haha, self-deprecating humour).

A few years ago I was a person who was very outgoing and energetic. At some point (I'm not sure when) I shifted my behaviour towards being calm and collected, but in a charismatic and charming way. The reason I wanted to develop these traits was so that I could become my ideal of a good leader. I can't say that it's been a complete success, and for that reason I wonder if it would have been better to stay the way I used to be. I think about other "versions" of me in parallel universes, but ultimately I think it's futile to do so and I try to be happy that I'm me.

The present
Right now I'm... both happy and unhappy with who I am. I'm glad that I'm leading a fulfilling life, and I'm experiencing that "rosy high school life" I always longed for, but at the same time I know that there's something more. Not a better life, but a better me. I don't think the path I'm taking is one I will regret - if anything, it's something that I'm "destined" for. I suppose right now I'm in a bit of a slump or a boring part of my life, kinda like I'm waiting for the next chapter.

Life is good though. I have the privilege of attending a school where I can grow and expand my reach, I work part-time and have indispensable income, I have a loving and supporting family, and I get to share all of this with some awesome people. About two years ago I would have done anything for my current life, and now that I have it, I'm surprised that I don't feel as content as I expected. On the bright side, that means that there's still so much out for me to work towards, even if at the moment I'm not too sure what those things exactly are.

It does feel like there is something missing, and I think that something is a sense of accomplishment or significance. Though I have the opportunity to do this by leaving a legacy and mark on my school as a leader in the community, nothing I have done so far has really met the bar. It's demoralizing, but hopefully with the new year things get better.

The future
I'm always worried about the future. One of the most pressing thoughts is how my financial situation will be, say 10 years down the road. My parents have given me everything - they have dedicated the last 17+ years of their lives to my brother and I. I feel so strongly the need to repay them for their immense dedication, and it's not that I have been pressured by them to do so, it's more so that they deserve it.

With my last chapter of high school quickly coming to an end, the next arc of my life will begin with my adventures in post-secondary. The plan that has always been instilled in me is: high school -> great post-secondary institution -> well-paying career. Naturally I'd like to end up with a job that pays well and that I enjoy, but we can call that an secondary goal. I've never once doubted the integrity of this plan because it is the best way that I can make myself and my parents happy with what I have accomplished.

But really, my end goal is to live in one of those nice modern apartments with my partner and a dog, working a job I enjoy that comes with decent hours and pay, and making sure my parents are proud of what I have done. It might be hard to find an apartment that takes kindly to dogs, but the dog can wait until we get a house and move in and start a cozy little family. It's a nice image isn't it?

The lost ones
It's funny because I briefly touched on this with two of my friends on a walk - how amazing it is that we can share such brief but intimate connections with others. What seems like so many years ago, I used to go my friend's house nearly every day after school, sometimes staying for dinner (a huge thank you to the parents for putting up with me, I'm sorry I intruded so much), and at the very end of it, getting a ride home. We were so close, and now there isn't even a "Hello" in the halls.

It's a sad feeling, amplified because I am the reason why things are this way. Even when the rift is not caused by me, or maybe it's just out of our control, it's still such an immense feeling of sadness. It gnaws you to the bone whenever you think about it, and it will never leave you, for when you share those unique moments with your friends, you create memories that are irreplaceable, for better or worse.

That's not to say it's all wilted flowers and dark skies - I hardly think about the lost ones. Instead, I try to be glad that I had the chance to be something in their life, and I hope that they can remember me as I was in our favourite times together.

This blog
I'm in disbelief that it has actually been over five years since I published my first post! I've been neglecting this blog and not writing many posts or maintaining it, but I think you'll be glad to see the reappearance of a familiar theme and a brand new banner for the holiday season! My intentions were to get this post up by Christmas, but as you can see, it's already two days into 2017. With that, I hope you have all had a good holiday season, and I wish you a belated Happy New Year! Hope you'll continue to check up on this blog throughout the coming year and continue to support me through that way and more.