Sometimes It Hurts

It Hurts

When people say something like "whatever" or "I don't care" as a response to anything I say, I feel kind of... bad. I think about how people are indifferent towards what I am saying. Feelings clash because I know these people, and I know that they care, so I start feeling sympathetic towards those people. Why? Well, if they're being so cold towards me, that means that whatever problems they have must be much worse than mine. There's no way they would just say something hurtful intentionally.

Drop Dead.

Sometimes I wonder how it would feel to just... drop dead right now. Everything on my back would be gone and... I don't know. I hope people would miss me if I died. That's the type of impact I want to have if I die. To know that I positively affected the people that were in my life. I think if I died knowing that, then I would be content.

As for right now though... if I died right now I think I would be okay with the type of life I lead. Obviously I wouldn't have been able to live life to its fullest and reach my potential, but I'm glad for the things that have happened, and while the number of regrets I have in life is far too high, I wouldn't do over my life again if I could.

Knowing that I can die at any moment intrigues me. Who knows? Maybe I'll be dead by Monday morning. The problem is that I'm not able to properly value how precious my life is. I take it for granted, and that makes me sad because if I do just that, then there is no purpose in my life. There's no driving force, no motivation, so what is the point of my existence? Why does Kevin exist?

Sayonara

Here's to the closing of yet another post. I was thinking today about how far I'm willing to take this blog (in terms of time). I think it would be amazing if I continued to post at even a weekly basis from now to when I'm on my deathbed. That is, if I end up on a deathbed.

You see, I think I'd rather just die instead of having to die on a deathbed. I would prefer to just die without anything intervening. No ambulances. If I'm going to die, just let me be. Don't move me onto a deathbed if there's no hope. There's no point in trying to provide comfort for those who are terminal.

Then again, aren't we all already terminal? We all have our expiry dates, stamped onto us from the moment we are born. This has been another post. Hope you've enjoyed what little there is to. I'm a 7 today. I contradict myself too much.

"Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile." - Albert Einstein