My Style Of Living

Styles Of Life

I think everybody has their own way of living. Whether they stride along without a care in the world, or if every step is forced and accompanied with thought, it's the way that they live life that matters. I think the way that people live life affect the people, or even make those people. Yes. That sounds about right. The way a person lives life makes that person. It sure feels that way because I walk thinking about each and every step I take, weighing the possible repercussions and in the end it just takes me a ridiculously long time to travel a short distance. I walk this way. Maybe you walk another way. You probably do, but I just know that I walk in a slow and thoughtful way.

So that means that I need to let go right? I don't know. It confuses me. It's like I'm too stressed about everything, but that is because I make myself stressed. Stupid eh?

Sorry For My Crappy Mood Last Post

Because I was thinking about her, and how stupid the whole thing was, I was in a pretty low mood. While I'm talking about crappy things, let me apologize for the really bad picture. It's just that even talking about this whole thing makes me feel really bad about something, although I can't put it in words.

Anyhow, yup. Talking about infatuation puts me in a bad mood. So I'll stop talking about it until something positive occurs. Then maybe I'll put up an update and hope that it's the end of any infatuation to come. There has been some development going on, but that's for me to know and only me (for now at least).

Ugh. These Posts Have Been Bad

I am so so so so sorry about these past few posts. A lot of them seem depressing, but it just seems that way. Don't worry about it. If I was actually depressed I wouldn't even bother putting up a post. I think in order to make a good post, I need something happy to happen. Either that or if nothing happy happens in a while, then I'll just review a game (something I haven't done in a while). I have finished quite a few games since the last one, so I'm "stacked" up on games.

Actually, I think I will make a review on a game. I still need an idea for the 300th post, so if you have any ideas, just comment/email me and I'll be glad to accommodate any good idea. But seriously, my mind is actually empty of ideas and creativity. Has been these past few weeks. Oh well. Time to end this post. I am an... 8 today? I don't feel happy, but I don't feel sad either. Somewhat neutral.

"It is easier to believe than to doubt." - Gene Fowler

I Feel So Dead.

Everyday Is The Same.

The same feelings. The same problems. The same people. I am stuck in a vicious cycle of this. I can't escape. Everyday there's that pang of infatuation whenever I see her. Every. Single. Time. I hate this little thing that happens. It disappears in a second, and soon it's like nothing happened. It kills me. She's just a whisper in my head, coming and going. She hits when I'm most vulnerable and topples me over when I think I'm at my best. I have no solution to it, and I can't do anything but sit back and try to survive.

I think about how happy we could be. I think about what we could be doing together. I think about how much time I am losing with her as each second ticks by. I wonder if she likes me back. I wonder if she even knows about my existence. The possibilities. So many of them. There's only four years of high school left. Do I have enough time? I crave her attention. Why doesn't she say hi to me? Am I supposed to? How am I supposed to say hello without being creepy?

We could be so happy.

That's my mind. A person who has sunk to a low. I'm so deep in this single infatuation that I don't even care about it. I've stopped trying to figure out. I've caved in. I'm done.

Tired.

Of course there's another reason why I'm feeling so crappy right now, but that reason is private, because the people that I know read this blog are involved, and the outcome of me revealing that reason is terrible. Don't try to figure it out, because you'll probably guess wrong, and on the off chance you know what I'm feeling, then don't bother asking me, since I'll just deny anything.

This has been a really bad post, huh? My sincere apologies. I'm a 5 today.

"Life is about timing." - Carl Lewis

Broke 19K

Thanks To All

So thanks to over two years of blogging, friends who have told me what to do and what not to do on my blog, and you guys (I'm just going to call everybody a guy), we have hit 19K total views. It may not seem like much, but it kind of is to me, and I think that if I ever get to 20,000, I'll be just really glad. As I've said in the past, this blog was kind of a wreck and disappointment back in the day, so it's nice to see how far it has matured and how the readers have as well.

Infatuation And Loneliness

I now wonder if the cause of my severe infatuation is loneliness. Ever since I took other courses, I have been more distant with friends. Sure, we still act the same, and maybe things are still the same, but for sure, something is different. Just because I'm not in any of their classes... this happens. So am I just lonely?

Sure hope not. Loneliness is a sad thing. But I think I'd rather be lonely than infatuated.

If you are wondering what happened to the group I used to hang out with... well, I more or less left. I think it was decided when I had my courses changed and I can't help but feel that they are doing group things behind my back. But honestly, I don't care if they are doing just that. It's fine. Please don't be offended if you read this. I get it. I get it because it happens to me. Because of the person I am, I just don't stick in groups for long periods of time. It happens.

Just A Morning Post

Woke up around 7:00 a.m. today and I couldn't get back to sleep, so I decided to make a post. I was surprised when I saw the blog's views because just last night it was under 19K, so thank you to any foreigners or whatever kind of traffic I got.

I am an 8 today. Saturday morning, I feel groggy. What else can I say?

"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." - Thomas A. Edison

Just A Few More To Go

I Survived

Once again the end of the week is coming up and I wonder how I'm going to be able to survive the whole school year, let alone the next week. I feel like this week was more of a sit-back-and-relax type of week more than anything because I did so many I-don't-care things that were... fun. So I had fun, and that has made my week somewhat bearable.

There's just a few more to go until I hit the big old 300th post, but I still haven't really planned anything else. Please don't go and expect something huge out of me, since I don't know if I can even think properly at school anymore, let alone assemble a good long post.

Arrogance

I think I have mentioned on this blog before that I hate my math class. Even though it's Math 10 Honours, you might as well take away the "Honours" and "Math" part. In reality it's just a bunch of grade 10 students who are screwing around in a classroom taking advantage of the nature of the teacher. And as if that wasn't enough, there are just some people who really piss (kind of a too strong word for this) me off.

You have your stereotypical tall white guy who's only job is to "entertain" the class and cause disruptions. Then you have the silent girl who thinks that she is better than everybody, and regardless if she actually is or is not, she should not be acting like a total prick. There's the quiet and relatively shy person in class who actually takes the time to try to learn the material, but cannot because the whole class is a joke.

Of course, I'm not talking about everybody in the class (not at all, I actually have some good friends in that class that I enjoy working with), but I can't take this course seriously if I'm stuck in a classroom full of people who don't even want to try. Just like in grade eight, I have to ask myself again, "How did these people get into Honours?" Sorry about this little rant about my class, it's just that it's extremely unproductive and I wish that I never took it.

Exclusion

I've said in a past post that I don't like excluding people and I try not to do it purposefully or with harmful intent. I also said that I would try to not exclude anybody, and I think I have done pretty well so far. So naturally when things are going alright, something bad usually comes along.

Volleyball intramurals are coming up next week and my friends and teammates from last year's volleyball team wanted to make an intramurals team. However there is a cap of six players on a single team and there has to be "a person of the opposite sex on the court at all times" (which for us just means a girl has to play the whole time). The team kind of split and there is currently one team.

I thought about making a team, but it seemed kind of pointless without having the whole team together again, so I leaned away from that idea. For a short while it seemed like they would go on and have their little team and maybe I would make one with the remainders, but it turns out that they actually made space for me on their team (which just means that somebody was kicked off, unfortunately).

First of all, this gives me very conflicted feelings because a) somebody was kicked off the team and b) I will be leaving the other guys on their own. I wouldn't want to leave anybody behind, because, well, that's exclusion, and I kind of promised to try and not do that. Yet I think about how much fun there is to be had at intramurals and then those thoughts don't seem so important anymore...

So who knows? I might just not join a team this year. Or then again, I might. You'll probably hear from me soon enough as sign ups are due by tomorrow.

Goodbye

Well, that ends yet another insignificant post. Thank you for reading this blog (I hope you continue if you like it) as it does give me support somewhat and I like to know that this is actually getting out to people. As for my infatuation "problems", I don't know what I'm going to do. My regards go out to all those who commented and suggested ideas, but I think I'm just going to do nothing, for a bit at least.

I've been very curious about this anon person. It'd be amazing if you were not a friend that I have met in life and if you were a random stranger who somehow stumbled upon this blog. I have no idea who you are, but it seems like you've been here from the start, and who knows, maybe you were. But thanks. I hope you don't leave because of this (haha). I will be a 9 tonight.

"Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens." - Jimi Hendrix

There's So Much To Say

I Can't Put Everything Into Words

My life is now a complex swirl of intensified feelings, emotions, thoughts, and it just makes me want to scream because everything is just trapped inside me and I can't say anything because if I do then it's revealing myself and because these feelings involve the people I want to talk to most about this, and holy, this has been a long run on sentence. There are so many things that I want to this this person, and other things I want to tell another person, but if I do, then I feel like I'm making a mistake.

All of this is just stuck inside of me and it's no use to try to pry it out of me because if it is, then I will surely break because everything that I'm thinking is just so useless and stupid and there's no point. Sometimes I wish that you didn't have to keep anything to yourself and that everything was just out for people to see.

The funny thing is that I try to maintain balance and order on the outside and even enforce it at times when I'm around other people.

Carnival Was A Success (Surprise)

From my point of view, I actually thought that the carnival would have been largely unsuccessful, but it actually had a pretty big turnout. While I had a whole different thing planned out in my mind, the whole event (at the end) was considered a success and I'm sure that the majority of people had a good time at some point of the carnival.

Me? I had a good time. Definitely at the sumo wrestling, and even handing out hot dogs and juice boxes was kind of fun. I'm happy that this event happened, because it's the first time we have ever hosted an event this big at Alpha since I came. Anyhow, just wanted to fill you guys in on that.

Terrible Horrible Infatuation.

Infatuation is a terrible and horrible thing. It blinds your distinction between actual love and infatuation. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. My idea of love is now so disfigured that I think anything is true love.

So I'm infatuated with this one girl I don't even know. Thanks. Goodbye. I'm an 8 today.

"My sun sets to rise again." - Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Who Am I?

Who Am I?

If you don't want to hear about Kokoro Connect or The World God Only Knows for the second post in a row, click here to skip this part.

Obviously if you're still here you don't mind me discussing the "no name" anime I have been watching lately. Anyhow, the thing I wanted to quickly get out of the way was that The World God Only Knows ended really badly (in my opinion), in that everything had a really easy fix to it, and there was no closure. A lot of things are left hanging in the air, so that kind of ticks me off. But that's not what I'm here to talk about.

So I finished Kokoro Connect and at one point of the anime, one of the main characters starts to question who she really is. Her friends question her because they realize what some of her true thoughts are, and that leads to her questioning herself. The anime drags this whole Iori-is-depressed event for a while (which was very dull), so I don't want to get into how stupid she was during that period of time.

But that leads me to this question. Who am I? The character I was talking about (I'm just going to start calling her Iori from this point on) had personality problems, as that she did not have one. Iori apparently allowed her personality to mold to whatever fit the situation at the time and to the people around her. Eventually she loses track of herself and doesn't know who the true Iori is (which you can tell already is going to be a major plot event in the anime).

Enough with the whole scene setting though. The thing is that I think I'm kind of like Iori (not that I'm a girl or anything, but yeah). It's the people around me that make me. Doesn't necessarily mean that it is bad, so that's why I thought Iori was kind of an idiot later on in the anime (but then she goes back to being in my good books by the end, even though everything with her was still unclear).

Wow. This was much longer than I thought (no sexual puns please).

This Is Stupid (Not To Mention Embarrassing)

Even though I claim to have fallen out of infatuation with a lot of girls, the reality is that... I fall more than I pick myself up. It's stupid (and embarrassing because going around goo goo eyes is just not right) because I can't even tell if it's infatuation or if I'm just lonely.

Lonely? Do I even deserve to feel lonely? There are a bunch of other people in the world who have it worse than me, so I'm going to stop whining about it.

Just A Few More To 300

Once again I'm preparing for another milestone post, so you can be pretty sure that the next few posts will be pretty bad. I'm not sure if I can really make a good post for number 300, but I'll try my best.

I'm still quite sick, so it's been some dreadful days for me. I feel like I'm getting better, but I honestly don't know. Anyways, hope you enjoyed this post. I am a... 7 today? My illness puts me about 2 below my obligatory 9, and I have a test for chemistry tomorrow, so that brings us to a grand total of 7.

"The loving are the daring." - Bayard Taylor

Throat Feels Terrible

Updates

So for this template change I decided to pick a more "reserved" kind of design. Simplistic. I've updated the pages to the best of my ability and if you haven't noticed, the social media icons change whenever your hover on them (just a little sorry for pages being down). I'm thinking about either adding more icons to make it seem more "filled" or downsizing the icons so that they all fit in one row.

Anyhow, I hope you like the new design. It felt like the old one was getting dull and it's really sad that the other one that I worked on didn't support pages.

Sore Throat

I don't really get sick often, but when I do, the severity level of the illness tends to be very high. Right now my throat just feels like sandpaper and every time I swallow it's really gritty. So I'm just going to assume with my limited knowledge of illnesses that I have a sore throat. Although I unintentionally talk very loud (my friends and family have brought the fact to light now) I usually don't have a sore throat, so I think I can cancel out the possibility of talking too loudly.

Bottom line is that I have no idea where I got this sore throat from. I hope that it gets better by tomorrow because I really hate dragging myself around school while I'm feeling all depressed and tired. The good thing about sore throats though is that they tend to go away by themselves eventually.

Finally Getting Things Together

I figured out how redox equations work and I feel fairly confident about the upcoming quiz for chemistry. The blog design has been complete and so has the math homework. It feels like I've finally gained control of something instead of wandering like an idiot through the darkness.

Even though I still had some chemistry homework to finish, I decided to just watch the rest of the anime that I started yesterday, Kokoro Connect. So I finished the anime today and I was left with very conflicted feelings. On one hand, I was pleased with the ending, but on the other hand I felt like, "It's over." What I really liked about Kokoro Connect was that you didn't have to care. I was looking for another light hearted anime to watch that would make me laugh, and at times, Kokoro Connect was that anime. However it also had a more serious note to it (which I wasn't expecting, but thoroughly enjoyed), because it was very detailed on character development (for Taichi, Iori, and Inaba at least) and the psychology of humans when they are thrust into situations. I think that was one of the great aspects of the anime and I'm really sad that there wasn't any type of OVA. As some friends would say, it left me with hardcore "feels" and I'm very sad that it's over.

On another note, The World God Only Knows should be having its last episode tomorrow, so that's something to look forward (or should I be sad?) to on Monday.

Farewell Kokoro Connect.

Goodbye For Now

Alas, it's time to part our ways again. Thanks for stopping by to read today, and I hope you'll be back next time. Kokoro Connect is kind of like Elfen Lied, School Days, and SAO, in the way that all of them make me want to write about them. There's controversy surrounding each one and it makes me want to express my own opinion. So who knows, Kokoro Connect might be the anime that makes me actually start a review site.

Please. No hate on me for writing about anime on this blog. I'm seriously thinking about starting a review site now, so if I do, this kind of stuff will only be here if the anime/game/book "mindblows" me. Anyhow, that's it for this post. I am a 9 so far this morning (majority of it thanks to the amazing anime I just watched).

"It gets late early out there." - Yogi Berra

Everything Is Falling

I Don't Get It.

There's a bunch of stuff that I don't get in my chemistry class, it looks like I'm going to join Senior Band, I have to do my part in planning for the carnival, and everything just seems to be falling. The work in chemistry is so different from the typical questions you find in grade eight and nine, and yet I'm still piling on more work for myself.

But if everything is falling, everything is rising for somebody else. It just depends on how you look at it.

Back To The Old Template (Temporarily)

You've most likely realized that I have switched the blog back to its old design (I found a copy of it buried on my computer). Don't worry, this template is not here to stay. It will be very temporary and you can expect to find a new one on this blog by Saturday or even tomorrow. The reason why I switched back was just for the sake of the pages.

Infatuation Is Falling (Thankfully)

I've discovered that I have become less and less infatuated with less and less girls. It's funny because I have these "high" and "low" moments sporadically, but for now I feel like I only really have one person on my mind. Even that person has uncertainty behind her, but still, it's hard to get by life without being in love, even if it may be unrequited and/or fake.

But still. Ugh. Infatuation.

Really Bad Posts

These past few posts have kind of been filler posts and I'm sure that you've heard one variant of this post one way or another. I apologize, but everything seems different in my mind.

I am an 8 today. I would say I'm a low 8, but I think I'm just on the point of crossing that line.

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr. Seuss

Pages Are Down

And So Begins The Template Search

Of course the only template that I have actually spent time working on is the only one that does not support pages (for some weird reason). There is a way for me to make pages work on this blog, but I think it just involves a lot of work and time wasted. So what that means for you is that the pages will be down for a bit (until a new design comes out) and... really that's about it.

This page problem isn't really a huge thing to worry about since the pages aren't even that important and I'm sure that life is livable without them for a span of time. I'm not going to look for a template tonight because I probably wouldn't be able to find one I liked before midnight and I also have a load of homework that I need to do.

Anyhow, I ask you to be patient in waiting for it. I will update everything on the pages as a sort of apology for screwing up. However I do feel kind of sad because this template will be taken off in a few days. Never mind that though, I'll just find a new one.

Homework Is NOT Bothering Me

Before you wonder if my statement of doing homework first and (in a way) putting homework above my blog, you should know that homework is, in fact, not bothering me. I feel in control of my work and what I am doing and it's much different from how I felt in grade eight. I just do not feel like putting off homework any longer for today and the blog is something that can wait.

While homework is not bothering me, it doesn't really mean that there isn't a lot of it. There actually is quite a bit of homework for me to do, but that's expected from the type of courses that I'm taking. I wouldn't say that this homework will get in the way of blogging or anything else in my life, but the work might pile on later in the year.

That Is It

Yes, I am having fun at school (although today I was very tired) and a lot of that is thanks to the friends I have made and the ones I have kept. However I had a talk with my former band teacher (I had to drop band because it conflicted with AP Chemistry 11) and in the end he offered me a position in the senior band. Really, I don't know what to do. If I can (or will) wake up in the morning is something that I'm not sure of. What I really wish for is more time for things to just... settle down (how many times have I said that the past few posts?).

Besides the looming band question and the pile of homework I have to do, everything else is fine and dandy. P.E. 10 has been very fun and challenging, French 9 has become much more bearable because I now have things to do and worry about, and enough has been said about AP Chemistry 11 and Math 10 Honours. What can I say? It's going to be a very different semester and year. Anyhow, these thoughts put me a solid 8 today.

"Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact." - William James

Friends To Stay

You Deserve A Standing Ovation

For all those people who have refused to leave my side even though I have done so myself, thank you. I don't know what I would do without you and I'm glad to know that I will never have to experience that. Everybody knows who they are, and where they are in my eyes, but thanks for being a friend.

Thank you for what will be a year of decorating lockers, eating ice cream, studying for courses, and just being friends.

Like The Design?

Typically I just look up a template for Blogger on some template site, throw it on, tweak it a bit to fit my liking, and then leave it, but this, this design I actually put quite a bit of work into (about an hour's worth). However in the end it does all come together quite nicely, and I think this design is here to stay for a while (at least). There are still things that need working on, and if you see any bugs or problems, don't be scared to tell me (whether it's by commenting or an email).

If you're interested, the logo, title, and description are all PNG files (with the logo and title being transparent). I did some minor work on the default template PNG files and ended up with this design. I actually really like the feel and look of this template and I hope that you will as well.

Hoping To Settle In Soon

I hope that things will soon settle and I'll fall into something like the steady schedule that I had last school year. Sure, a bunch of things have changed, but when you boil it all down to the basics, it's really just the same thing (in my opinion). Things are looking up and maybe stress is just another part of life that will always be there. Whether you decide to cope with it or eventually crack is up to you and your choices. I think I've finally figured that out.

Life isn't perfect. Far from perfect if anything. Maybe I should stop searching for perfection and try to just live with what I have and try to perfect those things. Anyhow, I've kept you here long enough and I still need to go finish some math and chemistry homework (with half an hour to midnight). Today I am a 9. What are you?

"Hatred is blind, as well as love." - Oscar Wilde

Here's A Quick Post

Feel Kind Of Sad

First of all, if you don't like silly things, then please skip on.

So why am I feeling kind of sad? Because I'm nearly at the end of yet another anime (if you didn't skip and you hate these things, then don't say I didn't warn you) and I feel like just screaming because I've been watching this anime for what has seemed like forever. I actually enjoy the anime very much so because it's just something light hearted to watch and it has never disappointed me where others have.

This kind of puts me in a bad mood, but then again there are other anime and it wasn't like this anime was anything like Angel Beats! or Mirai Nikki (I am very partial to both). Anyhow, thought I'd just get that out there before I continued on with the more serious type of things in this blog.

Still Not Settled

I feel like everything in my life is still up in the air, uncertain. Unstable. It feels like just the slightest shake will cause any balance and order in my life to fall apart. Nothing is here to stay, and I have zero idea where the hell I'm going in future. I just hate this feeling.

On the topic of things that I hate, I really dislike it when my cousin gets ticked off at me because I ask him for help. I realize that he's also got a lot of work to (much more than me), but a lot of stuff is new to me since I never really learnt Science 10 or Math 9 properly. I can figure out things that are obvious, but other stuff I ask him for help.

He expects much out of me, sometimes I think too much because what I just wanted was a normally paced school education and now I'm... here. And everything just seems to be going too quickly for me and I can't handle everything and I feel like he should help me (which he has, thank god) because he was the one who kind of pushed me into this. Now I'm not blaming anybody and any friends should not go hate on this guy because he's an amazing individual, he just wants the best for me.

That's It

This is a relatively small post, so I hope that you're satisfied with it. Today was relatively uneventful if you wanted to know.

I'm feeling like a low 8 today.

"To know nothing is the happiest life." - Desiderius Erasmus

Everything.

Problems

It feels like my generation of people don't really know what's important. But I'm not saying that I do either, because I am horrible at prioritizing things in my life. We talk about how so and so should "get together", how this latest pop star was burned for some public thing. It's so stupid honestly. Yet we can't stop doing it.

People have their own problems and they keep their own feelings welled up inside them. I think those problems are important. You never tell anybody and then you end up just feeling worse and worse about yourself. Maybe for that reason I started this blog.

Whenever somebody talks about his/her "problems", I more often than not, do listen in. Most problems are just... not problems. Not major ones at least. But I do hear these problems, and at the end of the day I'm able to gauge how... significant each problem was.

So there you have it. We're stupid. I'm stupid.

Am I Losing Friends?

To answer that question, we have to define what a friend is. I mean, what is a friend? Somebody who hangs out with you? Somebody who talks with you on Facebook a lot?

Everyone has their own definition of friend. I may see this one person as a friend in my eyes, but that person might just think of me as a person he/she just knows. So for the purpose of this question, I'll go by my definition of a friend... which I don't have. I'd like to say that a friend is one who you can share secrets with and trust that person to keep it. One who doesn't mind your company, and even may enjoy it. The definition of friend on Wikipedia puts that it a more complete way, but if this definition is correct, then that means the majority of the school... are not my friends.

The people I usually hang out with were my closest friends. It's come to a point where they have become my only friends, because I only see them now. So they are still my closest friends, but they are also my only friends.

That "logic" confuses my definition of a friend.

So am I actually losing friends from my pool of friends? Sure, I am gaining friends from my other classes, but are they actually friends? I haven't even known them for a month and I have known these people for a year. I feel like I'm losing friends.

Then again, it's either I'm losing friends or somebody is losing a friend.

Beliefs

We finished watching a movie called Chocolat (which by the way was good) in French class and the one thing that really rung out from the movie was how "single minded" the villagers were because of their religion. After thinking about it some more, I realized that it wasn't only for religion, but also people who had very strong beliefs.

The film showed how far somebody would go for his/her beliefs (which in the film's case was a religion). So how far is too far? When do you become so clouded and blinded by your goal that you throw away everything else and even break your own beliefs? It's scary how far somebody will go to reach a goal.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't set goals (not at all), but that if you've got something big set up for yourself, watch that you don't fall while climbing the ladder to your goal.

Just An Early Post

Today was one of those days when I just don't want to post at night. A lot of stuff is going on and it feels like my friends are kind of detaching themselves away from me, as if they were preparing for me to abandon them as friends. It kind of hurts (although I'm not sure if that's their real intention) that I don't have them as close friends anymore, but still.

Everything will be okay in the end. And since everything isn't, it can't be the end. That's it for today's post, I'll blog whenever I blog next. I'm an 8 this morning and I hope you tune in next time for my next post. Also, don't look down when you're sad, because you're always telling me to look up.

"A smile is a curve that sets everything straight." - Phyllis Diller

The Wrong Intention

We Assume

As humans it's a natural habit to assume things. We naturally try to figure out things and infer with the information that we are given and we make up an assumption. There are many types of misleading. A girl could be misleading a guy into thinking that she likes him when she really doesn't (or vice versa). You could assume that your family won't mind you staying over at your friend's house for an extra hour when they actually really do.

So we end up with these wrong ideas. We get caught up in them and when if you find out that you've thinking the wrong thing the whole time, you get extremely depressed. It's difficult to read people and what they are feeling and thinking, but I hope that it will be a skill I acquire in the future.

Everybody Has Either Gotten Worse Or Better

A week or two of school has passed by and I think I can say that a lot of my friends have become so much better. Then again, there are people who seem to have become worse. It's like everybody has either gotten 100% more arrogant or 100% more compassionate and kind.

While I cannot say this for sure, I pretty much already believe it. I realize that I don't hang out with my friends that much anymore, but I think I have seen just enough to judge them appropriately. So if you're still a friend that I talk to everyday, then you have definitely become better. At least I think so.

Quiet

I've become much more quiet in class. It's only when everybody else in the room is talking, I need to ask something, or I'm helping my peers that I speak at all. Most of my time in class is focused on doing the work because for once in life I feel challenged in my classes.

Being quiet has its benefits though. I don't get tangled up in anything and I now realize that listening is a valuable asset to have. I find I enjoy listening to people now, although it may just be that I am too timid to approach some of the older people in my class.

Goodbye

I am currently in a state of infatuation that I cannot climb out of. I drove into a ditch and furiously tried to drive myself out of it, only digging myself further into the ditch. Now all I have to do is get broken. I'm starting to doubt any feelings that I have towards any girls because I think it's all just infatuation that I'm experiencing. Nothing is real. Depressing huh?

If you a good reader and can read in between the lines while figuring out what type of mood I'm in, you'll know roughly what's happening to me. Typically I'm in a really gloomy mood because of this whole infatuation concept, but if I remember correctly, everything will be okay at the end, and if it isn't okay, it's not the end. I'm a 7 today.

"To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mid." - Theophile Gautier

Get Ready For A Long Post

Tuck Yourself In (Or Leave)

Pretty much the only thing I'm good at (in terms of writing) is creating unnecessarily long assignments when I'm supposed to only write about half of what I did. Many people know I have the tendency to do so, and this blog is absolutely no exception (and if you didn't, then there's something new you just learned about me).

So the topics I'm about to blog about were supposed to be for this blog's 300th post, but I'm afraid that I am going to lose my train of thought, so here is the super early 300th post of Kevin Zou's blog. Hopefully you'll be able to keep on reading without me boring you, and if you can't, just go ahead and find something else to do (honestly I don't mind).

French And Math

I'm going to start off with all the bad things first. And by bad things, I mean the less interesting topics that I do not want to finish off with.

As of now, I completely hate my French and Math classes. The teachers in both mean well and know their respective subjects very well, but they have absolutely no control over their students. In fact, my friend and I were talking about this during lunch (along with a great many other things) and I can't help but find that I agree with him 100%.

I was transferred to my current French class and miss my previous one dearly (the teacher was the same, but the students were more controllable), so I do kind of curse my lot for that. However Math is as it is, so I can't argue that I was moved or anything.

Bottom line is, I just really dislike those two periods and I honestly can't wait until I get this semester over with.

You're Welcome

I often get upset over the smallest things (no sexual puns please) and I think this is one of them. What I get unreasonably depressed about is when people do not say, "You're welcome." to any form of thanks that I have given.

Silly? Or not? I don't know. For some reason it just bugs me when people do that because then I feel like they don't want me to be doing whatever I'm doing and that they hate me for some arbitrary (did I use that right?) reason. I have no idea if my brain is just wired like that or if it's like that for everybody else.

More About Friends

Even though I am sure that I have discussed my current friendship situation on this blog, I will once again discuss it, so if you have heard this before, please do skip.

So you should know that I'm taking a bunch of grade 10 courses, which naturally means that I am making friends who are in grade 10. While I'm immensely happy that I am able to make friends this easily, I am still worried over what will happen to my grade nine friends.

Lately I have been spending a lot less time with my old friends and increasingly more with my new friends (and my other friends have taken note of this). I know find that I feel awkward whenever I am with my old friends because it feels like I'm a impostor or traitor of some sort. I absolutely hate this feeling and I wish dearly for it to go away.

Nothing else for me to say on this...

Exclusion

I'm pretty sure that everybody in life has felt excluded or has excluded somebody at one point of his/her life. Personally I really dislike excluding people for illegitimate reasons and even more hate it when I'm excluded. There is something about being excluded that makes you feel unwanted, abandoned, alone, and useless, even if your friends are there for you.

Although I usually never am able to keep any promises I make to myself, I will try not to exclude anybody from anything ever.

Nice Little Message

A few days ago I was looking for a book in the teen section and picked up this little paperback book. I opened it up to the very first page and saw a green piece of paper with writing on it. It read:

"Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."

I cannot stress how comforting those words were. Regardless if they were not the writer's own words or if it was just from the book, those words really helped me. So I grabbed a sheet of paper and wrote down my own message. The book didn't look that interesting, so in the end I didn't borrow it. But I'm really glad I picked it up.

Infatuation

This term, this word has infuriated me ever since I have learned (is it learned or learnt?) it. Infatuation. Even though I read the definition over and over again, I don't get it. As Wikipedia says: "Infatuation is the state of being carried away by unseasoned passion or love." So does it mean that people stuck with infatuation have... false love? Is there even such thing as false love?

So that's why I don't get it. This concept is so weird to me. Do I feel false love? Am I being filled with infatuation? Maybe it's the reason why I feel like I'm "falling" for every girl I see that is even remotely desirable. I'd like to believe that all my feelings are genuine and true, but is there really any way of proving that?

Do I have infatuation?

Wasn't As Long As I Expected

Once again, please do not turn that into another sexual pun. Go ahead and laugh. Done? Good.

So this post wasn't as long as I envisioned it to be, but I think it is one of the better posts I have put up in a long time. I really hope that this didn't suck and sound stupid, but if it did, then just ignore it for the most part. I am an 8 today, and thank you for reading.

"We adore chaos because we love to produce order." - M. C. Escher

Long Time No See, Game Review

Review Of Misao

The one thing I can say about Misao is that the game was... fulfilling. It doesn't leave you hanging (unlike The Last Of Us, but that's a whole other story), and I think that was probably one of its best aspects.

Misao boasts itself as "a freeware horror adventure game", but I think the "adventure" part fits it better. While the game has its relatively scary parts, I didn't really feel like it was scary like other games I have played.

But less about the single bad thing and more about the more amazing things about Misao.

Once again, the horror part of the game wasn't really that horrifying, but seriously, the plot, gameplay, and puzzles made up for it. Misao is more of a puzzle and exploration game, with the little bits of horror dotted here and there. There is a really engaging story behind the game and everything makes sense and is logical.

What did I think of Misao? Well, I was left thinking wow at the end of all of it, but at other times I found the game to be a bit of drag to get through. But at the end, I was really glad that I played the game and didn't just blow it off as yet another RPG Maker style game.

As with many indie games, there is a "secret" ending that you can access. In Misao, this ending is called the Truth. I very much enjoyed playing the Truth ending because it felt like a really good OVA to a really good anime. Personally I just love OVA(s) that give kind of... a conclusion to all of it. It shows what happens to everybody in the end of all of it (one of my favourite OVAs is the one for Mirai Nikki) and gives you a nice feeling at the ending of it.

That is how I felt for the Truth because it was just really conclusive. There is also yet another secret ending (more of a developer's message) that you can access.

Overall, Misao is a very nice play. The puzzles are very "puzzling" and the game is very complete. While the author also hints about making a sequel for Misao in the very last ending, I haven't been able to find one. However the first game is available for download right here, so if you're up for a short and amazing game, go ahead and click.

That's Quite A Bit

Most of my "game reviews" are really long and take up most of the post content already (which is why I contemplated making a separate blog for just that), so I am going to stop this post now. Oh, I'd also like to know if you like these posts or not. Really helps to get feedback, because I have no idea how you guys are receiving these types of posts.

Anyhow, thank you for reading this particular post. I have no idea how many consecutive days I have been posting (something like four?), but hopefully I'll be able to keep up the streak just to see how far I can go. Really though, tell me if you think these reviews are interesting and if I should do more of different things (like books and anime), or just stop them. Uhhh, today I'm feeling like an 8.

"When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard.' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?' - Sydney J. Harris

Glad For The Weekend

Nice Little Post

I've gotten into the habit of posting everyday, and I'm not sure how long this will keep on going, but whatever. Readers will read. Anyhow, I just started downloading the update for iTunes (all updates really seem unnecessary to be truthful) and I'm stuck waiting a ridiculous amount of time for it to finish. People who know me know that I hate to leave something unfinished and then start something new, (then again, I am writing this post) so here I am. I'll try to keep this short for the sake of it (and also I was planning not to post today, but whatever).

Weekend

With everything that's going on and all my courses, it feels nice to have a duration of time where I can relax and finish my work at my own pace. I really enjoy being in all my classes and I feel like I've become decent friends with some people (really good friends with some as well). Even I have warmed up to my cold and unforgiving P.E. 10 class.

If you're wondering if I'm stressed, well, the answer is yes and no. Sure, I am taking a bunch of courses that aren't my regular grade level, but I'm definitely not stressed because of that. The largest part of my stress comes from my friends in a way.

Friends

Of course, being in different classes kind of does separate friends. I feel like I haven't been spending much time with my own grade, and it is difficult to do so. I'm very much scared of losing my close friendships and can't help but wonder what type of friends I'll have in the future.

This morning I was in my P.E. 10 block and I missed the grade nine assembly because the rest of my class was not supposed to go. So I ended up heading to the grade ten assembly with a group of tens from my Chemistry class. While walking to the garage, my friends and I joked about how I was "essentially a grade ten". Although that was a joke at the time, I kind of wonder if it is true. For sure I have not skipped a grade, but do the courses I am taking right now justify that statement?

Have A Good Evening

Most of the time I change topics rapidly and before I know it, I've turned what was supposed to be a small post into a moderately sized one. I don't know how many times I have apologized, but I'm sorry once again.

Thanks to those two brave souls who commented on my last two posts. This moment, right now, I'm feeling like a low 9. I'll catch you later in the next post, and as always, thanks for reading.

"If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much." - Jim Rohn

Everything's Cleared Out

Timetable Sorted Out

My timetable was finally sorted out this morning, to my enormous relief. Really the uncertainty of what courses I would be taking was stressing me out, so it takes a lot off my back already. Now I just need to get through the school year.

If you have been following my situation pretty closely and you want to know exactly what I've been so worried over, here's my time table.

For the first semester I have P.E. 10, Chemistry 11 AP, French 9, and Math 10 Foundations Honours. The second semester is a bit weird because first off, there was no free elective for me to take, so my first block is empty. I then have Social Studies 9 Honours, English 9 (unfortunately I can't take Honours) and AP Calculus 12. Wait. AP Calculus 12?!

Now I think that this is a mistake or something, but if it isn't, I'm in for a really tough course.

Even though my timetable is all nice and figured out now, I still can't help but feel a little bad because my current courses don't allow me to take Band 9 (which I would have really liked) or English 9 Honours. Both classes have a lot of friends and I'll miss them.

I'm not a complete loner in my classes. P.E. is probably the most difficult because of my age and how much more athletic the older students may be, but I'm sure that I'll get past it at some point. Chemistry has a group of friends that I am acquainted with. French just has some people that I know. And Math has three people that I know, but really I don't think that I'd want to be friends with many of the students there. Then again, I'm not in these courses to make friends.

If I Grow Up...

Everybody has had this question asked in one way or another. What do you want to be when you grow up? As I have said numerous amounts of times, it's no guarantee that you or I will grow up. The future will come when it does. That's why I always phrase it, "if you grow up". I feel like we take the future for granted.

As of now, I don't have a clear answer to that question. My cousin said that when I was young I wished to be a pilot, but then again, I may have just wanted to be the typical superhero. With my current academic and social status, everything just seems very unstable.

Since I know people rarely comment on this blog, I am going to ask you a rhetorical question. Do you want to grow up? I feel like many people miss the point when they ask what you want to be when you grow up. Maybe you don't feel like growing up. So think about that, and if you really want to, share your thoughts.

Farewell For Now

Once again it is time to end yet another post (of how many now?). I believe this blog is nearing its 300th post, so I'll be sure to start thinking up of ideas to make that post special. Besides that I'm just going to focus on school and friends.

It's been a really nice day and hearing booming thunder was really just a fantastic experience. My timetable is sorted out, I'm in control of my homework, and everything seems to be fitting in really nicely (and then everything goes bad once I say that). Today I am a 9.

"Life is pain and the enjoyment of love is an anesthetic." - Cesare Pavese

For The "Worrisome"

What Is Going On Right Now?

Recently many friends have been somewhat "worrisome" about how I have been. I don't know if it's a difference in the way I act, because that just may be because I'm tired (swimming everyday) or because I simply just changed over the summer. So to all those friends who "worry", please don't.

If you want to know what is happening with me right now, then I'll explain. If not, just skip ahead to the next part.

As many people know, I took a Science 10 course during the summer for advanced credit. I passed the course with 96% and took the Provincial. I was planning to take AP Biology 11 this year, but it turned out that not enough people registered for the course, so it wasn't available. Eventually things happened and the next thing I knew, I got a call from my cousin saying that I was placed in the AP Chemistry 11 course and that my time table had been more or less rebuilt.

Apparently my new time table called for me to skip a grade in a few subjects, such as Math 9 and P.E. 10. My electives also got tossed around, but I got something that will be fun. I was signed up to challenge the Math 9 final exam near the beginning of the school year and everything seemed to be in order.

So the first day of school rolls around and I get my time table. And of course it's not the one that I got from my cousin.

It left me in an awkward situation where I had a pink slip (all those Alpha students should know), a pen I borrowed, and a bunch of courses that were supposedly changed. I met my counselor in Student Services where I found out I was to write the Math 9 exam the next day after school.

Of course I'm extremely stressed right now. I'm going to classes that I shouldn't be going to and I have absolutely no idea where I'm headed off to in the future. My Science 10 Provincial marks don't come out until Friday and the Math 9 exam (which I need 80% to advance to Math 10 Honours) I did today has yet to be marked.

To top it all off, there are small little things that even stress me out more. I can't take English 9 Honours because of Band 9 and now I've ended up in a linear English 9 which sadly is not Honours. Everything is just really a mess and I hope that it will all sort itself in the near future.

I guess this all is really just a slice of life.

Nothing Else...

I kind of promised that there would be more after this bit, but I'm just done with writing tonight. Hopefully I'll get an update on my Provincial and Math 9 soon enough and once I do I'll be sure to share whatever happens with you.

The last few minutes I have been trying to make a vector appropriate for this post, but I just couldn't find one that worked. So I'm sorry for no images in this post. I'll try to make some before I make a post. Today I am an 8. It was definitely an interesting first full day of school and I'm looking forward to seeing what this year will bring out of my friends and I.

"Ambition can creep as well as soar." - Edmund Burke

Hello Grade Nine!

Today Was The First Day Of School

It was a bit unnerving and I was very intimidated by everybody because of how much they had changed, but by the end I found myself warming up once again the aspect of having daily interactions with the people I know and like. With that experience I also got to meet a class of brand new grade eights and show them the ropes (not really) around the school. Most of them seem like decent people and maybe I'll actually enjoy being with some of them.

But for now, I'm just going to try to enjoy school.

While my timetable was supposed to be all messed up because of the summer course I took, all the courses I had selected halfway through grade eight were still there to my surprise. I'm happy though because it means I'll get to spend some time with my friends in classes before I have to transfer out.

Focusing More On Academics

During grade eight I think I really invested a lot of time and effort into improving and creating my social life (which makes since because I had no friends at Alpha in the first place). I spent minimal time on academics and school, but just enough so I would get grades that were good enough to make my parents and family happy.

However, this year I will be taking more advanced courses, so I'm not sure what's going to happen. I don't think my friendships will all fall to ruin, then again, I can't say that I won't be doing school work for the majority of my day.

I feel like this year I'll really put most of my energy into school and then in the later years tone it down (or not, who knows?). Like most things, I can't really say what's going to happen because it's all in the future, and I do not know what the future holds for me.

Everything Has A Story

There is a beautiful story behind every single thing on this planet. At least I think so. You don't really focus much on how others end up in your story, but when you do, it can really open your eyes. Even if you are trying to figure out the story life of a rock, it's still really just... perplexing? You can think about how that rock got there, and what country it came from. Where has that rock been? Who has it met? Everything has a story in the end, and I think that every story matters because maybe one day that story will meet yours. Maybe. Maybe not.

What can I say? The first day of school and seeing everybody puts me in a relatively high spirit. For today I am a high 9. I don't think I can ever say that I am a 10 ever again because, well, life can't be perfect. There's always that one thing that's got you feeling down. Thanks for reading. I also realize that this blog is now just about two years old. I forgot to post on its birthday though. My apologizes.

"Either you run the day or the day runs you." - Jim Rohn