I Feel So Dead.

Everyday Is The Same.

The same feelings. The same problems. The same people. I am stuck in a vicious cycle of this. I can't escape. Everyday there's that pang of infatuation whenever I see her. Every. Single. Time. I hate this little thing that happens. It disappears in a second, and soon it's like nothing happened. It kills me. She's just a whisper in my head, coming and going. She hits when I'm most vulnerable and topples me over when I think I'm at my best. I have no solution to it, and I can't do anything but sit back and try to survive.

I think about how happy we could be. I think about what we could be doing together. I think about how much time I am losing with her as each second ticks by. I wonder if she likes me back. I wonder if she even knows about my existence. The possibilities. So many of them. There's only four years of high school left. Do I have enough time? I crave her attention. Why doesn't she say hi to me? Am I supposed to? How am I supposed to say hello without being creepy?

We could be so happy.

That's my mind. A person who has sunk to a low. I'm so deep in this single infatuation that I don't even care about it. I've stopped trying to figure out. I've caved in. I'm done.

Tired.

Of course there's another reason why I'm feeling so crappy right now, but that reason is private, because the people that I know read this blog are involved, and the outcome of me revealing that reason is terrible. Don't try to figure it out, because you'll probably guess wrong, and on the off chance you know what I'm feeling, then don't bother asking me, since I'll just deny anything.

This has been a really bad post, huh? My sincere apologies. I'm a 5 today.

"Life is about timing." - Carl Lewis