True People

Field Trip

So today the majority of grade eights (excluding the skippers, sick, etc.) were at Burnaby Lake (or Deer Lake, I never remember that stuff), and I found out some things about people that I didn't know. It's outings like this that really help you determine what type of person somebody is.

I saw a lot of people who are cast off from their regular ring of friends, and I can't help but feel just really sad, because at the beginning of the year, I was one of those people. When you are given the choice to pick your group, feelings are hurt because of stupid acts.

Anyhow, I truly met a lot of people today. My close friends, as expected, were as they always were, kind, caring, and just themselves. I had one friend in my geocaching group. He hung out with the sport-centered people and fell into our group because he couldn't find one.

Our group was the "try-hard" group. We essentially ran everywhere and tried to find as many things as we could. As the hour passed by, I realized that this guy wasn't a prick at all. He was actually a really great person when I got to know him.

So maybe it isn't the person who is a complete asshole, but rather the effect of other people surrounding him or her.

Felt Terrible

When we were sitting in the building beside Burnaby Lake (or whatever), I suddenly didn't feel like talking, I didn't feel like doing anything, and when we were walking to the sky train, I had to really will myself not to just stop, sit down, and think about what I was doing. I focused on the bad things, and in return got into a really sulky mood that some people picked up on.

Later today I went over to my friend's house (to work on a project) where I had a really amazing time getting to know him better. It was probably the first time I ever felt productive and had fun at the same time. That really picked up my mood, although my mood was already improving when everybody left (maybe it's just people I don't like that make my mood down).

Updates

I finally decided to update the blog template and I'm also planning to update the pages after I publish this. I like the blog design and the new look (hopefully it'll stay for a bit). I felt really "proud" when I made the email icon (explains why it kind of doesn't fit in) for an email link (because it wasn't included in the template). I did a bit of problem solving and ended up with a pretty decent looking icon.

My friend once asked me why I didn't post new blog posts on Facebook anymore. There are a few reasons why. People make fun of me and don't take me seriously. The majority of people. I hate it when people talk about my blog and make fun about it. It makes me feel terrible as a person and makes me want to just do nothing.

I'm feeling like a 9 today. Canoeing and work were probably the highlight of my day (geocaching would have been as well, if we had more time). Tomorrow's Hats Off Day Parade, so I'm looking forward to my first parade in Burnaby (although I believe I went for a few minutes last year).

"Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity." - Henry Van Dyke

Novels And Ditches

Novels

After more and more consideration, I realized that writing a novel would help me in a way. Why did I decide to change my mind? Personally I think it was the "nostalgia" of writing short stories for my English unit that brought back my love for writing.

However the theme of the story is still swirling around in my head, waiting for me to catch it. I'm fairly confident I will be writing a novel, but I'm unsure as to what the novel will be about.

To whoever commented on my last post, what you said about never learning how to write if you don't ever attempt it also factored in my decision. Thanks to whoever you are (I like yet somehow dislike the anonymous commenting feature of this blog).

I'll probably be putting up more details about the novel itself in the next few posts, so if you are somehow genuinely interested in it, then you can find out about it around here. Who knows, maybe I'll think that this whole novel thing is a bad idea in the near future.

Ditches

I'm the kind of person who doesn't know when to stop at times. Somtimes I do, and sometimes I don't. It's like I'm driving this car and I see this ditch ahead (sound familiar?). A part of me thinks I can just get over it, and another is telling me to stop and find another way.

So what type of thinking does this portray? The me who wants me just to ride over it is irrational and quick to make decisions without thinking about it. The me who is telling me to find another way has a much more logical thinking process, but at times can over think things.

I've been riding into ditches this whole week.

Mind's Empty

Like most days, I have run out of things to blog. Therefore I'm sorry to say that this is what you'll have to be satisfied with from my blog. A post about a novel that has about a 25% success rate and ditches. Hooray.

I always try to find new ways to phrase the number thing, but I can't. I always get stuck with something that I've used before. Today I'm an 8. Parts of the day were okay and some parts I would have preferred not to be in.

"We do not remember days, we remember moments." - Cesare Pavese

Not Writing A Novel

After Some Thought...

To the "sadness" of two (or more, I don't know) people, I will not be writing a short novel anymore. Honestly I was never good at writing because I didn't know what to write, I just wrote down things that came to me as I sat in a chair. So I'm scratching the relaunch of TBOL on my list of projects. Maybe one day I'll come back to it, but I hope I will only start even remotely thinking about writing something like TBOL when I have amassed enough experience to do so.

Anyhow, I'm sorry to those two people who I have confided my novel with. One of them was helping me edit, and I'd like to shout some thanks to her for supporting me from the first word to the last word of the uncompleted novel. I'd also like to thank the person who messaged me explaining how she still read my blog and how she would like to see what my writing is like.

Long Weekends Make Me Happy

It seems like long weekends really help me out in terms of school work. As I said before, it just gives me that extra day to get the small things and problems out of the way before tackling the bigger ones. With regular weekends, I'm trying to juggle homework, friends, family, and other things in just two days. One day does really make a difference.

This Post Is Done

I do not have much else to talk about. Life has stayed the same since I last posted (or I could just be saying that because the things that have changed are the things that I keep to myself, and myself only). I'm going to be going to the dentist tomorrow, and visits to my dentist always make me anxious (generally any medical care makes me anxious because I feel like I'm being evaluated, but dentists really make me anxious). The funny thing is that I'm kind of afraid of dentists because you are so vulnerable when they are checking up on you. You're lying down with a bright light in your face, and this person is holding miniature tools trying to check up/fix your teeth. There's a lot of trust involved in dentistry.

With that, I'll be finishing off this post. Today has been a relatively good day, and I wish that most days could just be like today. Nothing bad, and a little good. I'd have to say that today is a 8 for me.

"Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot, and fierce, but only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable." - Bruce Lee

I Should Be Happy

For Some Reason I Can't Be Happy

With all the things that are going on in my life, I should be really happy. My volleyball team placed third in the playoffs today, so that means we have a chance at the banner tomorrow. Math is ending and science isn't too hard. Everything seems to be alright, so I really don't know what's wrong with me.

Most of the time I wear a smile on my face, but I don't know if it's genuine or if I've gotten so used to trying to smile that I do it automatically.

Doubts About The Novel

Now that I think about it, it might not be the best idea to start up a novel right now. The last time I tried, I thought I had all that I needed, which was a notebook, a pen, ideas, and a computer. But after about 35,000 words, I found out that I needed more than what I had. I needed experience.

So here I am now, thinking that I've got much more experience than the November Kevin, but in reality, I've only amassed about five and a half months of knowledge, probably a large part of it things that I've already learnt.

Happy Birthday Mike!

I'd just like to make a short shout out to my cousin Michael, who will be celebrating his 22nd birthday today (or something like that, he seems so much older to me). It's too bad that he's in Vienna doing work, but I'm glad for him, and I know that it's all the same to him and the family. Hopefully he doesn't read this blog too often because I'm not that great at directly sending messages about how cool that person is when I know that he/she will read it.

After fiddling on the computer for a while, I was able to create this rugged e-cake that I sent to Mike. I'm quite proud of it actually, and I'd like to make more things like this. I just may have found my next hobby.

Going To Think And Sleep

I usually do something like a reflection on the day and what I did right and what I did wrong. I figure that it'll eventually pay off and help me with something. Then after that I try to preform some lucid dreaming (god, lucid dreaming is so cool).

There were good things and bad things that happened today. I forgot to go to a Students' Council meeting, so that is my "lowlight" of the day. Highlight of the day was when we placed third today. That kind of makes a decent day, so I'll give it a 9.

"Courage is like love; it must have hope for nourishment." - Napoleon Bonaparte

Long Weekend

Needed One

It feels like I haven't had a long weekend in such a long time, so I'm really glad that I get this Friday off. Now if only Monday was also another school free day. I guess long weekends just give me that one or two days of extra time to think and process what has happened to me the past few days. Long weekends are probably a really important part of my life, I just don't know that yet.

Anyhow, planning to actually do some productive things this weekend. Although that's what I always do, and then fail to go through with the plan. So there's probably a pretty big chance that I won't be doing anything this weekend (I'm kidding, I have homework).

Want To Lead Tours

The grade sevens from various elementary schools in the district will be visiting Alpha sometime this week, and I really wanted to be one of the "tour guides".

For some reason, I've always liked speaking in public and just leading people around, especially people who are new to the "organization". I've always liked being a leader (which is why I decided not to take leadership, in fear that they would probably disapprove my Kevin-brand leadership) and for reasons, I just don't want the grade eights next year to feel like how we did. Alone, scared, with no help. I want to be open to them. I want to make sure that all the grades that come before us every year will know us.

The one thing that Alpha lacks in is connection of the grades.

So I'll be attempting to find out who I should ask if I want to lead tours, and if I'm allowed to. Leading tours during the day is also a convenient way to skip part of school.

Playoffs

Knowing that our team actually has a chance at winning the banner actually kind of helps us, because now we'll be pressured to preform well and bring our A game (as our head coach says). I'm personally dreading the playoffs because I had a terrible practice today. I just felt tired throughout the two hours and I wanted to just drop the ball and leave. However, I'm pretty confident and optimistic that we can win this banner.

By the way, I'm talking about bantam boys volleyball.

Pangs of Love

I had the weirdest thing happen to me in the middle of science class. I was just sitting, minding my own business as Mr. Wong was reviewing something. All of the sudden a girl in my class speaks up with a question, and I find myself wanting to know everything about her, what her favourite colour was, what she liked to do in spare time. I noticed the subtle things, such as how she held her pen, how she fiddled with her fingers. I felt this intense burst of... "love" surprising and was taken aback by it.

However after a minute or so, I found nothing desirable about that girl.

Weird.

Thanks For 15,000 Views

So I recently hit 15,000 views (you can probably see in the top right). I'm not sure how many people actually read this peek into my life, but to those who do, I thank you. Thanks to all those page-refreshers, those daily-checkers, those sharers. Whether you started reading here or from the first word I wrote, it's all mattered.

I'm feeling pretty relaxed today and I'm looking forward to the next three days. I'm a 9. It's getting kind of late and I was tired, so I suppose I'll "hit the haystacks".

"It is easier to go down a hill than up, but the view is from the top." - Arnold Bennett

I Once Had This Friend...

I Remember A Time

There was a time when I had a completely different outlook on life. If I had chosen to pursue another lifestyle, I would be completely different from the person I am today. But because of the people and events in my life, I am who I am. Continuing on with the actual topic, I was a very different person from kindergarten up to around grade five. Grade five is when I started changing, for the better or worse, I don't know, and probably won't know for a long time.

My mind as a kindergartner was very closed in. I wasn't open much to everything, was afraid to try new things, and always stuck with a group of friends. I didn't really mind about what people thought about me, and I didn't think about what type of person they were. I believe that at that age, people don't really think about that. Anyhow, my life was limited to a few things. I kept myself away from new things. I didn't bother to give anything a second thought.

It's hard to actually say these things, since I only have a few memories of my primary years at Begbie. The memories I do recall however are like a salad. Some you like, some you don't.

I was a very different person a few years back. But naturally that changes as you grow. Reflecting back at my primary grade years, I wonder why I hung out with the people I hung out with. As I started growing up and heading towards my "graduation", I started hanging out with new people, which led to trying new things. Eventually (I'm going to guess around grade six), I figured out that everybody I saw would be worth the while to meet. You never know what will happen.

Grade seven was my favourite year. It's funny, because every year I change my favourite year. Anyhow, in grade seven I think I finally found out what type of people I liked being around and who I didn't. In elementary, there really wasn't anybody to hate. We were a tight knit community, and everybody liked everybody. I really liked that about Begbie, and I've found it's difficult to replicate that in high school, but that's kind of my overall goal, just to get everybody to like everybody.

I started carefully choosing my friends in high school however. Started from the first day. I had bad feelings about some and tried to stay away from them, and others have exceeded my expectations as being a friend.

The reason why I had this whole idea to write about my school life was just because I remembered somebody who I met in kindergarten. I vaguely remember that I was a tad lonely and this person out of all people decided to become my friend. Sure he was a bit irrational (aren't we all at that age?), but at that time I thought he was a great friend. I wonder what about him made me think that. It just makes me so curious.

Short Post

I didn't really want to keep this thought at bay for the next post, so I just decided to create a relatively short post. I hope you enjoyed reading it, as I tried to make it as interesting and non-boring as possible. I've found out that some people other than my Alpha friends still read my blog (surprises me a lot, since this blog has little to offer), and sometimes that's enough just to put me in a really good mood (which I usually try to be in).

My morning has been relatively nice. I had frantic dreams of zombies (although they were amazing and the story would make a great novel) and other things that I cannot recall (I can rarely recall dreams, so it's hard for me to write in my dream journal, which has been an on and off project). I'll have to rate the three or four hours I've been awake an 8.

"Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated." - Confucius

Feeling Like My Old Self

Relaunching Something Like TBOL

After a lot of thought and prompt from a friend who had previously read my failure of a short novel, The Benefits of Life (or TBOL for short), I've finally decided to relaunch the short novel.

It's been a while since I've really thought about what I write (excluding this blog), and I think this will be a nice change for once. My last run at this novel ended with me out of ideas and tired of writing. I think I've gone through a considerable lot and maybe this time I'll lower the mark and actually finish the novel.

Past experience has shown nothing but failure in personal projects such as TBOL, but I hope I can finally accomplish something in this life of mine.

School's Nearing The End

Finally there's only roughly two months left of school, and it's nice to know that I can look forward to a summer full of just relaxing and letting go of everything. I always tend to over worry about the smallest things and then even the details I worry about. So I'm glad that school will be coming to an end relatively soon. I guess I've just been tired of what I think about life (along with over worrying, over thinking is another habit of mine).

Back To The Regular Self

The bright side of all this is that I seem to be returning to what I considered my "old life". I'm starting a project that has a low success rate. I've got all my homework done and I'm not buried in any more work. My social life is not in a ruin. My love life has (still is) been a hit and miss. Everything... seems to be like the usual. It's only when I don't have something preoccupying my time, I have tons of homework, my social life seems to be ruined, and I'm in a "relationship", that my life will either have that as normal, or just give me this overall gloomy mood.

For some random reason, I feel like I've been growing a lot lately. I've taken on responsibilities and tried new things. I got over fear (unfortunately not all of them), and accepted that some things were the way they are, and you can only do a certain amount to change it. For those reasons and more, my day is a 9.

"To love for the sake of being loved is human, but to love for the sake of loving is angelic." - Alphonse de Lamartine