November 25, 2017

48/Green

-A

"Kat, I'd do anything for you," his voice was laced with desperation, his hands clenched on her shoulders.

The woman looked at him intentlyGREEN, before caressing the man's cheek with her right hand. She smiled.

"Anything?"


A

Ms. Harrow peered over the reception desk to see that the man was still sitting in the chair, counting to himself. He was young, likely not even 30 yet. Dressed in a navy blue suit and a white dress shirt, the man's face was gaunt, his eye bags large, and his dark black hair messy with what little sleep he got. By no means was he unattractive, thought the young secretary, a little bit of fixing up and he'd be quite the looker. But there was certainly something off about him, not to mention a slight feeling that she had met him before. Ms. Harrow shrugged and thought nothing more of it - there were plenty of unique characters at this company.

"Mr. Sneed, was it?"

The man continued counting.

Ms. Harrow allowed herself out from behind the desk and started walking towards him. As she approached, she could hear the man's counting more clearly.

"forty-six... forty-seven... forty... eight."

Upon reaching the number, the man snapped out of his trance, and his eyes shot up from the floor to the young lady who was now standing in front of him.

"Mr. Sneed, it is time for your interview."

"Ah, yes," replied the man. His voice was coarse as sand, as if he had spent the last decade in the desert without speaking. He stood up and Ms. Harrow led him to a set of tinted glass doors. To the right of the doors there was a metal panel, with a small red dot glowing.

Ms. Harrow gave the door three quick knocks. She proceeded to walk away and said to the man, "Good luck, I'm cheering for you," while giving him a slight smile. The man nodded in response, while offering a half smile.

The man stood there, waiting for something to happen. Just as he was about to turn back and ask for the secretary, he heard a click, and he glanced at the metal panel.

Green.

It was a nice colour, not unlike the green one would see during the Christmas season. Yet something made the man uneasy. A lump formed in his throat, his body started to burn up, and his breakfast threatened to make a reappearance. The light lasted for perhaps two seconds, but it felt like forever to the man until the double doors swung open and the man walked in, relieved to be away from the light.

The doors shut behind him, and there was nothing but a woman sitting at an empty white table. The room was quite dimly lit, save the desk, however the man could tell that the entire room was white. Even the chair across from the woman was pure white. Feeling slightly uncomfortable, the man walked up to the desk, his shoes clacking on the floor, and took a seat.

When he looked up, he was met with intense gaze of the woman.

Green.

Again, the man felt uneasy, however he couldn't pull himself away. He was sinking in her eyes and the green and all of it. There was something so familiar, and his heart wanted to burst open, knowing that he would never have anything as beautiful as those eyes. His body ached and longed for something, something he didn't know.

Finally the woman blinked, and the man took the brief respite to avert his eyes to his lap.

"Mr. Sneed. I'm happy that you could make it out here today," said the woman. Her voice was soothing and relaxed, but her tone was one of power and confidence, as if she knew all the secrets of the world.

Without looking up, the man responded, "The pleasure is mine." He knew that there was a grin on her face, he could feel it in the air.

The woman procured papers from some place and the man could hear their shuffling on the desk. "Let us be begin then, shall we?"

The man nodded.

"Tell me... why are you interested in working for this company?"

"You see," the man paused, then continued, "I've been interested in the field for a very long time, ever since Alter's experiments on rats a decade ago, well, that was revolutionary to say the least." He closed his eyes as he spoke, still looking down.

More papers shuffled around, breaking the eerie silence.

The woman picked out one sheet. "Ah, it appears that you've left your profile information blank."

"Oh," the man gulped, "the thing is that I actually can't remember those things. I couldn't do it while I was waiting in reception, I don't know why." The man thought about it, and he realized he truly could not remember anything. What did he have for breakfast? What high school did he go to? What was his mom's name? What was... his own name?

"Memory problems huh," the woman reached from behind the table and brought out a box of white pills, each about the size of a pea, and said, "Take this, it's meant to temporarily add clarity to your memories and also helps you recollect recent memories. One of the best selling products here."

The man perked up.

She sat the box down in front of the man, and continued, "Take one and you'll see. It'll take forty-eight seconds to completely take effect, but that's one of our fastest reaction times."

The man needed it. He needed it now. His hands felt across the table for the capsule, knocking it to the floor in the process. He scrambled for it in a mad panic, leaping out of his chair. Why couldn't he remember anything? What was wrong with him?

His hands shook as he undid the lid and hastily snatched a single pill from the box. He slammed the pill down his throat and swallowed it.

One.

Suddenly there was a searing pain in his head, as if somebody was pouring molten lead directly into his thoughts. He rammed his eyes shut and wrapped his head between his hands, shaking back and forth, whimpering like a dog.

Five.

The woman got up, and slowly walked to the man. Her heels made a clack with the floor, synchronizing with each second that passed.

Ten.

He could feel her presence looming over her.

"You know, it is polite to say thank you after you've been given something."

The man opened his eyes, and GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN GREEN the entire room was GREEN, the floor, the table, the pills, everything was utterly and only GREEN. GREEN was everything and anything that he ever knew, there was nothing else.

Sixteen.

"Isn't that right," the woman bent down and cradled the man's head in her hands, "John?"

Her vibrant GREEN eyes bore holes into his, and she smiled.

"Don't you remember me, John? How could you forget the woman you loved?" Her face was one of feigned sadness, but underneath her smile was a mischief, a playfulness.

John looked into her GREENeyes, and everything came tearing back into his memory. Countless dinners in the candlelight, movies at the local theater, watching the tail of her coat whip past the door of her apartment, everything.

Twenty-seven.

The woman's eyesGREEN lit up as she saw the fragments of the man trying futilely to pull himself together.

"Ah so you remember now," she said.

Wincing through the excruciating pain, John managed to stammer, "W-why are you doing this to me?"

The woman's smile grew even bigger.

"Why darling, didn't you say you'd do anything for me?"

Thirty-nine.

"Now now, it'll all be fine," she cooed, "After all, you won't remember a thing."

The woman looked down at her watch, and thought, today's trial was not so bad.

"... forty-six... forty-seven" and she brought her gaze back to John.

"Forty... eight."

Z

November 20, 2017

43

it's 43
i'm 18
43 tired
43 sad
43 tight
43 fake
43 slow
43 painful
43 tried
18
5 forgotten
8 carefree
3 forgotten
2 best
1 start
4 more
too much
can't do it
too tired

pretend






















i'm okay

melodramatic
attentioner

November 1, 2017

A post that coincidentally comes after Halloween

I've been going through some personal problems and today I came to the realization that I don't really have any close friends. Right now my emotions are a mixture of both self-pity, shame, and embarrassment. For somebody who has always considered himself social and easy to get along with, where has everybody gone? It feels as if I'm going at life all alone and that I'm nothing but an add-on to friend groups.

The people that I have cherished and held closest in my life (asides from family) have disappeared without a trace. Some have moved onto the farther and greater places, others are right next door but they may as well be on the other side of the world. I feel as though the amount of meaningful interactions in my life have dropped ever since I started school, and I'm genuinely terrified that I'll go through the next four years without developing significant relationships with others.

In this moment I can't think of a single friend who would consider me first to ask to hang out. I don't know how everything got so bad.

I know that all I've said sounds bleak, and that I'm going against my belief that everything will always turn out better in the end, but right now things aren't going that well.

I just feel lonely.
 
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