November Is Here

Life's Bustling Now

Life is so messy and confused for me, I just want some time to sort things out and figure out what my plans should be.

That's why the weekend was invented.

Over this weekend I plan to just get everything in life in order and prioritized. I need to figure out what homework I need to get down, what quizzes or tests are coming up, and on top of that, I have other responsibilities, such as homework assigned by Michael (my cousin), homework from clubs, NaNoWriMo. It's all just one big huge mess of stuff. I need to get some ground laid down and figure a lot of things out.

I Wonder If I've Ever Been Hated

Now that I'm finally settling into the routine of being a student at Alpha, I can think and reflect back on my "glory days". Looking back, I don't think there were any people who openly showed they hated me. But I really wonder if there were people back in Begbie who didn't like me.

I'm very self aware of what people think of me. If somebody doesn't like me, it's not like I'm going to hold a grudge or anything, I'll just try my best to make sure that I don't bump into that person in the hallways or class too often. It's just I like to know things.

NaNoWriMo

Adding onto my daily stress load is NaNoWriMo. It's getting difficult to type enough words per day so that I can finish on time, and I already have a lot of other stuff I need to take care of. Sometimes I wish life just fell into place. But then maybe life would be too easy and we wouldn't like living.

Doubt

Doubt is a dangerous and at times helpful thing. For example, if you are doubtful that a man with a gun pointed at your head will actually shoot you, you might end up dead in the next few seconds. But then again, if you are doubtful that a man with a gun pointed at your head will actually shoot you, you might quickly disarm him and turn over the tables.

I don't like it when people doubt me at things. I'm perfectly fine if I'm scared or won't do something (where in that case, it's perfectly correct to say I'm doubtful), but if I have the full confidence to do something, somebody shouldn't doubt me and step in the way to "protect" me.

Sometimes I doubt that I will actually continue this blog. It just seems sometimes that everything is pilling up in my arms, and I'm trying to hold everything in place. But I can't. And I just sometimes want to let go of everything. Or just drop a few things and continue on with the most valuable items I'm carrying, but I know that if I hang on, my arms will get used to it and will eventually grow stronger. Stronger arms mean I can lift more.

As I Said, "Busy Days"

It feels like this part of my life will be the busiest. It feels that way, but I know it won't be. I know there will be another time in the near or distant future where I'll be feeling like I'm just carrying too much.

I'm a 8 today. Worried about how I'm going to sort my mess of a life. I'm at my carrying capacity. It doesn't feel like I can take on any more responsibilities or do anything else.

"From now on, I'll connect the dots my own way." - Bill Watterson